Is this normal behaviour.

[Unicorn911]

I have two boys 1 aged 11 and 1 aged 3 nearly 4. Over the last few weeks/ months, my 3 year olds temper tantrums have got drastically worse and I am starting to worry.
He has daily temper tantrums (at least 1 a day) and they will last on average an hour each time. If something is different in his routine or if he can’t get his own way he loses control. He stops walking if we are out and screams and shouts while crying, he doesn’t listen or follow instructions (he doesn’t follow instructions well anyway) if we are at home he slams doors, throws everything he can get hold of. I have tried to ignore these temper tantrums and I have tried praising good behaviour and ignoring bad. I have tried reward charts and good behaviour systems and this work for a day or two then it all unfolds. I have tried naughty corner and sanctions but these have no effect on him. He continues to shout and scream.
These temper tantrums are now effecting my eldest son. He hates listening to youngest screaming and is spending more and more time in his room away from everyone else. His behaviour is also impacting my two cats. They hide when he is around and it is impacting their eating.
I don’t know what else to do and i’m not sure where to turn. I think I might be pregnant again so would like to help him now before things change again.
any advice would be most welcome

This may be within the bounds of 'normal' child development but it could also signify other needs. I would contact the HV and talk it through or the GP, to see what local support there is. Does he go elsewhere like a nurse/preschool/childminder? If so, what is he like there?
Is he able to explain his needs? Does he understand a simple 1 step instruction? Do you give him a warning before he does anything different (ie during transition from one activity to the next)? You can use a simple sand timer and say "when sand goes, tidy toys".

It would not hurt to look at using pictures to show him his timetable for the morning/afternoon/day including any changes. You can use a "Now and Next" board - example in this link https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/222718087/3-step-sequencing-keyring-visual-support This may help reduce his anxiety over feeling of lack of control over what is happening.

He goes to nursery 5 days a week and they say he is great and is well behaved, listens and follows rules and instructions while there. I don’t know if he is trying so hard at nursery that when he comes home he just lets go and this is the result. He starts school in September so that will be a big change for him too
I give him time alerts when we are moving to different activities and he understands can comply with some things 10 minuets to pjs and he will do this but if I need to go on school run for example I will say ten minuets til we leave he agrees but when it is time to leave he gets himself all worked up and melt downs begin. I have to leave to collect other child. I will look into the now and next board that could help. Thank you 🙂 ❤️