Where is the line - munchausen's v.s. doing the right thing

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I often struggle with my partner on the question of when to perform a medical intervention on a child and when you should rely on the natural mechanisms of the body to do what it is supposed to do in a natural way.

My partner is constantly taking the children to hospital / doctor to try and get them to find problems with the children and often comes back with prescriptions / asthma pumps / all sorts of things.

I know our children aren't sick and I know my partner suffers from BPD and I know Munchausen's can sometimes be a symptom of this.

Am I worrying about nothing and should I just allow it / am I wrong for thinking the body is capable of balancing itself and we should only intervene if clearly some sort of emergency.

Has anyone else had this with their partner and what can be done about it if anything? My worry is that all the poking and dosing and fiddling may end up doing more long term harm than any actual good.

Your partner needs more therapy and you need to stop him taking the children. Need some intervention.

Why are you stepping back and allowing it? You need to stop him taking the kids to hospital if they're aren't sick!

Are you the same poster as earlier today who thinks your partner has BPD or OCD but no diagnosis based on vague example?

If this is constant it will flag up and hopefully whoever it flags up to will act on it. I know in our ED all paediatric attendances are double vetted by a consultant the next day and if hospital hopping or multiple attendances flag up, depending on what they are, the parent is contacted first to check in, see if they’re ok, and or social services are contacted. If this hasn’t already been addressed during the attendance.

Things do slip through the net though for various reasons.

I would imagine to the GP they can see the repeat attendances on their system and may already be aware. If you have concerns however, you do have a duty of care to raise these concerns on behalf of your vulnerable dependents (child or partner). Maybe check in with the GP? If you are a parent or guardian to these kids please do raise concerns.

I can think of plenty of non-emergencies that still warrant medical attention in children. GPs don’t generally dish out prescriptions for no reason, so if they’re generally coming away with treatment I’d say there’s a good chance he’s right and you’re under-reacting.

My brother in law is rather fuzzy and often wrong with daughter's health.

Now they consult me before calling GP/111 unless of course it's an emergency.

They did that agreement and then asked me if it could work. It does.

But why would a GP see your child and prescribe an Asthma pump if they are fine and nothing wrong?

Is BPD really got munchausens symptoms? Never heard that one.

Why don't you go with your husband to doctor so the GP can see the whole picture and be able to assess appropriately? My mum is always saying there is something wrong with my child 🙄 but if she ever sees one of my LO professionals they tend to put her straight...but now she says they are obviously not trained properly 😂😂

Of course you shouldn't be allowing him to take your children to hospital and the doctors all of the time!

There is also this.

But if you do have a legitimate concern about partner/child you should raise it rather than enable it.
if this is a situation where you’re describing your own behaviours and are worried, again, please raise them with someone medical.

Am I worrying about nothing and should I just allow it / am I wrong for thinking the body is capable of balancing itself and we should only intervene if clearly some sort of emergency

This sounds as though there is something medically wrong though.

There's a huge difference between munchausens and hypochondria.

Is your oh taking the dc for every little illness? Ie first sign of a sniffle/tummy ache? Could be healthy anxiety related and needs care and support.

Or are they flat out inventing symptoms purely to get dc medicated? Ie munchausens. This requires immediate mh reviews and probably no un-supervised access to dc.

@Wotchaz

Tbh as a nurse I have come across a lot of GPs just handing out a prescription and get on with the job without assessing the child thoroughly.

He/she wouldn;t be given the prescriptions if there wasn't anything actually wrong.

My worry is that all the poking and dosing and fiddling may end up doing more long term harm than any actual good.

Well obviously!

Your poor children, I've just taken my dc to a paediatric allergy appointment at the hospital today. I could have told the doctor a load of lies and come away with some more appointments for tests and a fist full of medication but of course that would not be good for my child.

GPs don’t generally dish out prescriptions for no reason, so if they’re generally coming away with treatment I’d say there’s a good chance he’s right and you’re under-reacting

They do if you don't tell the truth.

@YouJustDoYou

You would be amazed how often it happens if a parent insists on symptoms/ the child is sick.

This a bit confusing. I have a friend who takes her kids to the doc for the slightest of issues but they're usually just reassured and go home. I take my kids for all sorts of non emergency reasons (eg. If I think a chest infection, or my DD had a stomach issue for a while), but not as often as my friend goes.

I feel like you are maybe trying to control your partner. I think you are the man? Let the doctor decide if there is an issue.

Munchausens is a hell of an accusation.

True munchausens by proxy is a hideous mental disorder, that is thankfully very rare, and generally doesn’t follow the route of an anxious (or vigilant?) parent getting their child seen by a dr at the first sign of illness.

I have a friend whose ex husband used this as part of his abuse. Luckily the GP was able to back my friend up (her ex used the children to control her, whenever they needed medical attention he would gaslight her about it), and she was able to leave and children have supervised contact only.

From your description it doesn’t sound anything like munchausens, so I’m inclined to believe that this might be similar to my friend’s situation.

I don't think it's unreasonable to get your child checked by a medical professional, who is qualified to decide whether it is likely to be safe for the body to be allowed to balance itself.

My partner is constantly taking the children to hospital / doctor to try and get them to find problems with the children and often comes back with prescriptions / asthma pumps / all sorts of things

I can't imagine any doctor giving out asthma pumps (inhalers) if there's nothing wrong, and experience tells me that breathing issues in children are something that should absolutely not be left to see if they sort themselves out.

Because if you challenge the behaviour you get a lot of blowback. The usual reason for deciding not to take action. This is where the BPD comes in. Shouting and aggression... which is also not good for children if their parents are fighting a lot.

No, would be interested to see that topic if you have a link to it. The more I understand what is going on the better.

Hmmm, I have BPD and I think it’s a little insulting to say that munchausens is a trait of this. I also have two children who have been to the drs a lot as they seem to pick up every bug going - doesn’t have any correlation with me having BPD.

This isn't entirely true. If he is going in and making up symptoms a doctor may well prescribe something. For example if you go and say your young child is wheezing and coughing at night they may give an inhaler, if you say they are being sick they may prescribe reflux meds, it's not only antibiotics for Infections. There are very very sad cases where children have actually ended up dead through having a parent with MBP, because the doctors have been treating a child with medication they don't need based on fabricated symptoms by the parent.

What do you mean about the body balancing itself? Can you give us an idea of the sorts of illnesses or symptoms you think should be left to improve on their own, and your partner feels need medical intervention? I am struggling to get a sense of which of you is more likely to be right from what you are saying here.

Just to reiterate I'm. Not suggesting this man does have MBP, I think he just sounds overley anxious about health

It was in relationships but the OP had little insight.