Weight - when do health issues start

[stepontoe]

I am really concerned for step child.

They are from what I can see, very overweight (they haven't been weighed or at least I don't know the weight)

They are 8 years old and in age 12-13 clothes (for width not height!) I noticed when getting changed the other week at ours they now have stretch marks.

They are so heavy I could not pick them up. And seem to be really unhealthy.

They are generally very lazy, they visit most days and in the summer/nicer weather will go out to ride their bike on the street for about half an hour maybe, but then will come in and watch screens.

they definitely eat way too big portions can easily put away the same as an adult.

DP is trying to help, i believe mum is in denial. When discussed DP will say mum says they eat yoghurt and granola for breakfast, no puddings and have fruit at school for puddings despite there being desert available each day. sorry but there is just no way what they are saying is actually happening as they continue to gain weight.

yesterday DP had them running around outside for 10 mins and they struggled, then said they felt ill and so didnt end up gojng to their club (which is exercise)

They do swimming once a week (realistically only 30 mins in pool and some of that will be watching others) and martial arts which they spend most of the time trying to avoid or not joining in. That's it.

I feel like they aren't taking it seriously enough and I wonder at what point health issues start? I have suggested visiting the GP as I think it's that bad now, but they haven't, there is a local scheme where if BMI is over they can get free sessions/swimming etc at the local health clubs, they would definitely qualify.

It just makes me so sad, they are being bullied at school now and senior school is going to be hell for them if they don't sort it out, and it's parent caused :(

I think perhaps less of the blaming of mum may help. You're not in mums house and you don't see the child at school either. How on earth do you know the child isn't secret eating, or doing homework for others at school in exchange for treats. You literally have no idea.

Mum and dad need to be united on this. If they're amicable then both of them need to go to the gp with said child. Dad is free to make an appointment I'm sure?

I see so many threads like this where the step mum is so quick to blame mum. The truth is, you don't know its fact.

Both are to blame somewhere along the line but realistically they spend at least 80% of their time with mum so it has to mostly be coming from there. The issue also began in lockdown, when they were 100% with mum, and not at school either and it's just snowballed from there. It also gets worse after school holidays particularly the summer when mum usually takes them away to stay with relatives so we don't see them.

Dad can make a GP appt I have suggested he does but so far he hasn't. As he's not mine I can't make either mum or dad do anything just suggest. I am not just blaming mum but they are with that parent 80-90% of the time, and many other factors that show that food and the attitude towards it are a problem there. Along with other things such as behaviour control etc.

However what I am asking is at what point will health issues start and be not reversible, as this is my concern and if we are getting near to that I am going to have to be a bit more forceful in my thoughts to dad: