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Is this poo withholding? Feel like a terrible parent!

14 replies

Unsure05 · 05/02/2024 20:47

So DD is 3.5yo and has been toilet trained since 2.5yo pretty successfully other than a few standard accidents and a bit of a regression a couple of months after DD 2 came along. But that stopped after a few weeks.

Over the last few weeks she has been having poo accidents in her pants but would end up going for the big poo on the toilet. Over the last week maybe she’s had bigger and worse accidents in her pants. The whole time when I would try and talk to her about it she would say she didn’t want to poo because she didn’t like the smell. So I thought it was a bit of an aversion so we talked about all poos smelling and how if we go on the toilet we can wave bye bye to the smell, but if it’s in our pants the smell stays until we notice and clean it. We took her to pick a febreeze spray she uses in the bathroom too but that didn’t do much. Now she just screams that she doesn’t want to go for a poo whenever I suggest it (when she’s wiggling and doing her “poo face” when I know she’s holding it in). It’s becoming a huge thing and I’m afraid to say I’m loosing my temper sometimes too. I thought it could have been constipation as a lot of the accidents are small and could be overflow but there have been a few times she’s absolutely known what she’s done where she’s taken herself off to a corner and done a full blown one. Could this be the start of poo withholding? I’ve got a doctors appointment for her tomorrow afternoon but just wanted to get some advice on the topic please! Have I also messed up massively by getting angry a couple of times? I’ve always apologised after she’s seemed fined but I feel like I’ve now added to the aversion more! Thank you for any advice here

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Alwaysgoingforit · 05/02/2024 22:03

Don't beat yourself up about this, a lot of kids go through this holding it in or getting worried about going. You are doing the best thing in seeing the gp.
Hope it resolves soon for you both.

troppibambini6 · 05/02/2024 22:11

Ds used to withhold after developing and anal fissure. The fissure was healed but psychologically he struggled to go.
Somethings that helped were a book called poo goes to pootown we would read it to him while sat on the toilet. I would also get him to blow bubbles while sat there as it's really hard to hold your poo while blowing.
Also movicol and Laxido to help keep things soft. When things got really bad a glycerin suppository.
You have my sympathy it's really really hard.

GeneCity · 05/02/2024 22:15

Yes, it probably does sound like withholding to me.

I think other people suggested the Eric website, we found that really helpful. Good luck - I remember how stressful this was, and how it felt like we couldn't even go out for the day or do normal things like that. It did pass though.

Unsure05 · 06/02/2024 11:36

Thanks guys. I hadn’t even heard of poo withholding as an actual thing until a couple of days ago! Trying my best to stay as calm as possible about it now and help her as if it is until I see the doctors later. Thanks for your advice, support and suggestions! Doing a lot of reading!

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TheSnowyOwl · 06/02/2024 11:38

You can’t change how you reacted but don’t get angry with her again. It’s quite possible having a poo hurt her at some point, so she kept it in and now it hurts more. The doctor might prescribe some laxatives to make the poo softer and get back her confidence about going when she needs to.

KnickerlessParsons · 06/02/2024 11:41

Why does her poo smell so bad? Perhaps you could address that first before seeing the doctor.

Unsure05 · 06/02/2024 12:19

Yeah I’m going to make sure I don’t! I guess it came from not understanding why she was doing it when we had had no problems before. And I wouldn’t say it smells worse than a normal poo! I think she’s just becoming aware of it and not liking it I suppose. Nothing really bad though

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GeneCity · 06/02/2024 15:45

Yes, it's important to get a handle on this with laxatives as quickly as you can, and then work on making going to the bathroom an OK thing to do again.

Mynewnameis · 06/02/2024 15:46

Overflow is distinctively gritty and smelly.

Unsure05 · 06/02/2024 19:27

Okay so the doctor said it seemed like the start of poo withholding but because she was still relatively regular (every other day or so actually having a poo on the toilet even after a lot of work to get there) it wasn’t at the point where laxatives are needed. She pointed me to the eric website and then to the health visitors if needed. Other than obviously keeping my cool, encouraging the toilet as a safe place using the poo goes home to Pooland story does anyone have any other tips for me? TIA!

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GeneCity · 06/02/2024 19:51

Oh, that sounds promising - I think it's just about changing your DD's negative associations to positive (or at least neutral) ones now.

We resorted to bribery 😄, but that's probably not a good plan (although it did work).

CrabbyCat · 06/02/2024 20:18

One of things they recommended to us was toilet sits after meals. It's when the bowels are most active so you are most likely to go. The idea is you get them to sit for 5-10 min 20-30 min after they finish eating. We have to use watching a tablet as a bribe for DC to do it though.

Noicant · 06/02/2024 20:27

Try getting her on the loo with a book, thats how we initially got Dd to sit down on the loo (she still likes reading on the toilet though). Lots of praise for getting a poo in the toilet, maybe get her to help with any clean up (not as punishment but more as, this is a bit yukkier than just going for a poo in the loo isn’t it). We also talked a lot about being a big girl etc.

It’s not you, toilet training can be a bit bumpy for the first year or 2. Dd was trained by 2, totally fine and then just after turning 4 started struggling to get to the loo in time because she was so engrossed in whatever she was doing.

Unsure05 · 06/02/2024 21:30

We’ve got the poo goes to Pooland story on my phone that she’s enjoying so will keep up with that. Thank you for the advice about sitting after meals! I’m definitely not above tactical bribery if it means creating a positive association 😂 but I might have that as plan B. Thank you all! It’s priceless hearing from people who have been through it

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