Crying when talking about daughters autism

[Helpmeout124]

Does anyone else with a child with autism do this? My daughter's autism dosnt upset me, but for some reason, anytime I get asked about it, my voice breaks and I start blubbing. I hate it, it's so embarrassing.

for example, at a school viewing a few months ago in a big group of parents, they asked if anyone had any questions, I went to say, "What provisions do you have for children with ASD" and I got about 2 words into that sentence, my voice cracked and I couldn't finish it.

I dread anyone asking me unexpected questions because it triggers this really emotional response. I think I possibly have unresolved Issues, not from my daughter having ASD but from what ASD did to my daughter at the beginning. For context my daughter went from being a typically developing 1 year old little girl who was so loving and playful, to losing all of her language, the eye contact and hugs and affection stopped, playing together stopped and she seemed to hate me, overnight. It was actually kind of traumatic, I lost my daughter as I knew her in a way for almost a year, she's almost 4 now and we're two peas in a pod, but maybe that year has caused actual emotional damage. I did cry myself to sleep every night during that time.

Sounds like you need some counselling, so you can talk it out tnere.

My husband and I tend to take turns blubbing at the endless assessments and meetings and so on. I also burst into tears viewing a potential specialist school for DD and a member of staff very calmly gave me some tissues and had a chat - I think they were pretty used to it.

It can be overwhelming at times and, as parents, we're constantly having to put on a brave face when it's likely the last thing we feel.

Thankyou, helps to know it's not just me finding it hard. Hope you're okay xx

It will pass. My son was diagnosed 6 years ago and those first few years are definitely upsetting, but I don't dwell on what he won't have/do etc and see all the positives. You're their advocate like you would be for any child, so asking about SEN provision becomes just a normal conversation. If you need to cry though, cry. We all feel massive emotions around our children, ASD or not. I was welling up today talking about my other sons 16th birthday party because it's a sign of him taking another step in life.

I'm similar to you. I've found it helpful to join an sen stay and play and to talk to the other parents in the same situation. It is SUCH a relief to hear other mums talking about the same challenges I have. I highly recommend trying to find one in your area!

They will be used to it.

I was enormously glad that the parents of the children in my special school class felt safe enough to show their emotions in meetings with me. More than once a dad would say that he'd never been able to cry about it before (except, I hope, to his wife/partner).

For us it was actually a relief when our son was diagnosed as it gave him so many more opportunities. We understood him so much better and I’m now studying a career in autism research. Our son wasn’t diagnosed til age 10. My husband is autistic, it doesn’t affect his life. He still got married and had kids.

OP, just wanted to reach out to say your feelings are completely valid. However you feel is absolutely fine. Please know that. If you’re sad it does not make you a bad mum. It’s completely understandable that you are emotional because as you said you lost the little girl she initially was and I can imagine that was hard. For me, my son didn’t change too much. It was clear from literally the day he was born he was different. It’s hard to explain, but my mum could see it too. My son is 9 now. I only actually realised he was autistic when he was 3.
What helped me was reading as much about autism as I could and seeking out other parents of autistic children. It helped me feel less alone and I learnt that his quirky little traits and ways were completely normal for autistic kids. And with that you become a better parent because you learn how to handle your child.
Autism isn’t the end of the world. Would I take it away from my son? No I don’t think I would, but I wish the world was a lot easier for him to deal with. He also has learning difficulties so things are hard for him a lot.
I think things I’ve learned being a SEN mum is that you will constantly be fighting. Fighting for your daughter’s rights, for her education. But you grow a thick skin. And you do that because that beautiful little child you grew in your womb is worth all the stress, tears and heartache and you will fight tooth and nail to get them the support you need. I also leant that A LOT of professionals are absolute shitheads and WILL bare face lie to you. I think one thing that really important-your daughter is exactly who she is supposed to be. ❤️