Paediatrician issues

[Mothernaturesjournal22]

(TW: brief mention of Abortion.)

Hi mums.
I’m writing here because I want to know if I’m just being a paranoid first time Mum or if I’m actually onto something and need to worry…?

(BACK STORY: if it matters…?
I was forced through 2 Terminations, and abused for years by my Ex partner who I managed to escape when pregnant the 3rd time with my Son, Midwife told me she had to refer me to Social Services but I never heard anything…)

Anyway, I made an appointment last year to check my Son’s head, as he had flat head despite not spending much time on his back weirdly, so wanted a Paediatricians opinion since the Health Visitors never bothered to see me much, I’ve never even met the same one twice nor the one I was assigned to, it’s like they’ve forgot us, anywho we went to the appointment where I was told that He’ll grow out of it, which was fair enough, He was booked in for a check up just before his 1st Birthday where I thought that would be the end of it, no.. at the second appointment His weight was a bit low and because he had a Cold and wasn’t eating much he’d also pooped once a week.. so that prompted him to prescribe Laxatives despite me telling him he’d been unwell and wasn’t pooping much because he hadn’t eaten much so there’s nothing to come out, and said Doctor also said he wanted to do blood tests in 2 months time to see why He was small, we waited for an appointment to be given but we were ignored for the next 9 months, no letter, no call nothing just to then be rang last minute in October wanting me to come in for review as they’d had a cancellation. (And I never needed to use the laxative because just like I said as soon as he was better, he started eating properly and pooped as he should.)

We arrived at this third appointment to be told they can’t do the blood tests because 1. my Son has been unwell with a nasty viral infection despite me telling them that when they rang but they said to still come in as it was fine, and 2. They hadn’t given me the cream to put on before his Bloods because we’d been forgot about for 9 months. 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ He’s still a little on the low side of weight apparently, (He was 23lbs then at 20 months) so we’ve now been given the Appointment for his Blood Tests… which is next week.

But my concern is, this Doctor clearly has no clue what he’s doing half the time, talks down to me like I could be a problem, as at one of the appointments I was made to feel like I was nutritionally neglecting him when as it turns out one of his Nurses weighed him wrongly because he was so upset at being manhandled with no bedside manner to even try to calm him or make him feel comfortable that she messed up the reading, which then of course made made his growth chart curve wrong and I was still just huffed at when he realised without an apology for the hassle. I know that his blood tests will probably come back normal as his low weight at the last appointment was due to his very nasty Viral infection, and He’s developing as he should hitting all milestones, but I’m worried that if they don’t find a medical cause in his Blood tests for the chaos that has been the last few weight appointments what’ll happen ? Will I be reported to the likes of Social Services or something?! Although his weight has caught up now (as He’s weighing 25lbs now at 21 months.) Is any of this treatment towards us by Health Professionals normal ? Am I right to feel that they’re finding any reason to keep me on their radar because they don’t feel I’m a good enough Mother ? Because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with my little Boy, to me He’s a happy, healthy and energetic child.

Also at my last HV appointment because my Son wouldn’t act like a performing monkey on command they claimed I needed a home visit to check in on Him (shock I’ve not heard anything from them since though, this was at his 16 month review despite not even being 16 months yet at the time!) Sorry for the long post but they’re continuously making me feel like a crap Mum and like they have it in for me. 🙃🙃

I don't think they would refer to social services for the weight concerns or the things referred to paeds for. Whether they decide you need additional input from HV or ss or any others for general life is a different issues and not something I have concerns about.

I do have a daughter under paeds and she moves around the 25th and 50th percentiles similar to what you described and we have had the complete opposite experience and our concerns about slow weight gain is minimised even when she dropped 3 percentiles in height over the course of a year.

Play ball and take the things that you find helpful and leave the unhelpful things they say until they turn too musts. For example my daughter has a dairy allergy and since she was 12 months we have been "encouraged" to do the milk ladder. We tried at 15 months and she failed day 1. We said we would wait a year and test other allergies in the mean time. We decided it potty train first. We tried a second time just after 3 and had questionable symptoms. My plan was to wait 2 weeks and test again. It was suggested that maybe my bar is too low. Probably true so I went very slow but went a little bit further than I would have done normally. I hated doing but actually I feel better as we got quite a bit further than last time and I'm not as fearful as accidents. I think probably would still have wanted to to go a bit longer. It is that balance of taking on board advice, doing what feels right for you and reassessing advice again

You clearly don’t have a red flag on your file because you are not having regular HV visits and in fact are struggling to get them to provide some routine support provided to all parents.

You were referred to the paediatrician at your own request not because the GP has any concerns about your parenting.

The paediatrician, who does not actually weigh your baby personally, has spotted the trend on the graphs is atypical and is keeping a closer eye on your child to ensure there isn’t an underlying problem - but a very light touch review schedule. By contrast when my child was failure to thrive as a baby he was being seen fortnightly by the paediatrician and weighed twice a week by the HV.

Respectfully I think you are catastrophising here. Your child is being given careful care and oversight. You may not like the paediatrician’s bedside manner and you may be right they could improve on this, but there is nothing in what you have posted which suggests that social services are going to become involved or that you are suspected of neglect.