What to do when you suspect a baby has something wrong

[Justneedtodothis]

DD is 7 weeks. I know some fussiness is to be expected at this age but she is not sleeping at all during the day and cries whenever you put her down (including in a straight up chair so not reflux.) She also cries if you sit down holding her. She can only be settled by walking up and down endlessly with her and even that isn’t a given.

I am becoming seriously depressed because I can’t eat or go to the toilet even (nothing comes out of me anyway) as she goes berserk if you put her down and the house is going to rack and ruin. Car journeys are a nightmare and my other child is going absolutely feral due to neglect.

Clearly this isn’t normal and anyone who says it is - it isn’t. My question is, what could be wrong and who can I speak to?

Sorry you’re having such a hard time, OP. I would speak with your HV. Unfortunately, I think some babies can be like this - my sister was and it pushed my mum to the absolute brink. She had two other children to care for and my dad worked overseas so she was skin and bone and running on empty.

I would speak with your HV and see what support you can access - do you have a family member / friend who can help give you a break for at least an hour every day? How old is your other child? Do they go to nursery?

Sorry I can’t offer any advice, but hoping it does get better for you

My second one was like this, she was pretty colicky too. With hindsight I wonder if there was a CMPA going on, I used to drink milk by the pint back then. I was too shattered to take her to the doctors and persist and not be fobbed off. We did get through it eventually. When she was around 10 months it all fell into place. Finally took milk from a bottle and would sleep without me.

I started wearing her in a baby sling, that helped a lot. If I had to take her out of the sling then I'd pop her in the car seat on the kitchen worktop/table out of harms way where she could see me whilst I cooked or whatever. We also coslept because it was the only way to get some sleep. As they get older they kind of sort themselves out with feeding at night if you sleep topless.

Yep, health visitor.

But at 7 weeks expect to be told to wait.

Mine was a nightmare, diagnosed Asd before he was 12 months BUT several of my friends babies were similar and are not neuro diverse.

If you search for "PURPLE crying" there are really good resources from reputable sources about this phenomenon in babies.

what have you tried so far apart form holding her? The lactase drops in every bottle, probiotic drops and infacol made a difference when mine was incredibly fussy. along with using a dummy, swaddle and whitenoise (hairdryer)

Have you got anyone who will take her out for an hour a day and let you eat a meal, shower and perhaps have half an hour with your older child? She might cry the whole time but she’s also crying huge amounts with you and you can’t look after her if you have a breakdown.
Sorry you’re having a tough time. Give your health visitor a call but there’s probably not a lot to be done at this stage other than watch and wait. Sometimes there’s an underlying medical cause and sometimes you just have a really high needs baby.

I had a mum friend who had a second baby like that, almost drove her insane. She would end up putting him in the bedroom and shut the door and go to the far corner of the house just to give her a rest. Visitors were encouraged/welcome to hold him as long as they liked!
He is a pretty normal 17yo now.

The baby I knew who was like this had awful colic, the drops did help a bit, enough that he could nap sometimes. But the first months of that babys life was mostly spent being bounced by anyone who would hold him.

I had two babies like this. One with reflux, one without. Colic is a nightmare OP. Unfortunately some babies are just like this and it is absolutely exhausting. It's fucking horrible. By all means get the baby checked by a dr to make sure there's nothing wrong, but for some babies it's just the way they are. The good news is that colic normally starts to ease after about 12 weeks.

My eldest was the same.

I think you need to explore every avenue before deciding they're just grumpy (mine was just bad tempered and we just ignored him in the end).

We saw a paed (tried colic/reflux meds) and a dietary paed, tried everything the HV said and tried baby massage and crainal osteopathy.

Next two babies were fine. DS is now 17 and fine.

My daughter was like this and it was brutal. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't. Unfortunately it was a matter of time for us. She sort of grew out of it at 9 months but remained difficult. She is now mid diagnosis for ASD. One of the traits is fussy/ unsettled babyhood. I don't have answers but wanted you to know it does happen, you're not imagining it, get all the help you can.