Covid and heart defect - my fault

[Happyowl89]

I’m back to blaming myself again. My son was born with a heart defect, it was diagnosed postnatally at 8 days old.
I got Covid when I was 6-7 weeks pregnant. I can’t stop blaming myself, feel like I might torture myself over this forever. I should have been more careful but I knowingly spent time with people with bad colds (could have been where I caught covid) when I should have avoided them. I have a toddler so didn’t feel like I could keep him cooped up and I didn’t want to cancel on my friends for play dates.

That's not the reason for his heart defect you know, the heart is fully formed by then and there's no known link between the COVID virus in pregnancy and heart defects. My son was born with a hole in the heart and has hypermobility with some complications and this was long before COVID and I had no illness or issues whatsoever in the pregnancy. Have you spoken to doctors about this?

Yes his surgeon and cardiologist said there is no known link and it wasn’t my fault but I keep worrying that there hasn’t been enough research done yet and what if we find out in 5 years time that there has been a massive spike in heart defects because of covid. I also think it’s not like they’re going to tell me yes it’s your fault are they. They’re just saying it to make me feel better

Kindly, you might want to look into getting some support with this from a mental health professional.

Your son’s doctors are not saying things that they do not believe, just to make you feel better. Doctors do not do this. It would be unprofessional and in any event their focus is on your son, not you. They trained for many years to understand why heart conditions happen and you are only drawing on scaremongering media reports and lay speculation. Please listen carefully to what they say and trust their judgment.

I hope that your son’s condition can be treated.

If there was a link someone would have flagged it by now.

You did not cause this. It probably has no environmental cause. Stop beating yourself up. I was once told that I had ‘caused’ my DD’s dyslexia by being ‘selfish’ and having an elective C-section for my second childbirth after a traumatic first one.

It’s common to blame mothers for anything they do during pregnancy. Don’t buy into it.

And even if there does turn out to be a link, that wouldn't make it 'your fault'! COVID is a highly transmissible virus and you would still have got it even if you handy gone on playdates, pretty much everyone did.

Logically, you know lots of babies are born with heart defects and other birth defects don't you right? Often for entirely random or genetic reasons that no one could possible have prevented. I think you should focus on his treatment and life in the here and now, please don't beat yourself up when you have doen nothing wrong.

I understand that but it’s the painful regret that if I hadn’t gone on that play date on that one day I might not have caught covid early in pregnancy. Granted I probably would have got it during pregnancy at some point, but not necessarily early on when the heart is forming. Which to me suggests the covid in early pregnancy and then baby having heart defect is linked

It sounds as if you need and deserve some professional counselling - these are not rational thought processes and are harming you.

I'm not sure anything anyone says will stop you feeling like this, but you are being irrational.

Here are the reasons what you suggest should be discounted:

Causality is not measured by one case.
There is no documented proven causality between covid in mothers and heart problems in babies (nor any suggestion of it?).
Even if there was, which there isn't, you would have to catch covid and be suffering from it at the exact point the heart was forming. When is that exactly?
What about all those women who had covid asymptomatically?
You presumably isolated when you caught covid. How do you know that you wouldn't have caught it a few days later if you hadn't caught it around then?
What if we do find out in five years time there's a link? First it still wouldn't prove that in your case that's what caused your son't heart defect. Second it wouldn't change anything.

Lots of babies and children live full and happy lives with a heart defect. I'm so so sorry this is happening to you and I am sure it's really stressful and upsetting but it is not your fault. You need to think of ways you can move on and focus on the future with your lovely boy.

Lovely, you did not cause this. It's something that happens sometimes and it isn't your fault. I would suggest talking to someone about your fears as they can reassure you. And concentrate on what your little one needs in terms of treatment etc.

@SmartHome (who has personal experience of a child with a heart defect ) has said this:

That's not the reason for his heart defect you know, the heart is fully formed by then and there's no known link between the COVID virus in pregnancy and heart defects. My son was born with a hole in the heart and has hypermobility with some complications and this was long before COVID and I had no illness or issues whatsoever in the pregnancy. Have you spoken to doctors about this?

Do you actually have a full medical understanding of how hearts form in unborn babies OP? Perhaps you need to ask the doctors to explain this to you, as you may be making assumptions about developmental stages that just aren’t right. I fear you are jumping to conclusions.

I would not recommend asking more about the medical analysis as a substitute for therapy, but it may work alongside it.

Be kind to yourself.

As others say, you accidentally caught a very contagious, very common virus and you have been told by experts that there is no known link between maternal COVID-19 infection and congenital heart defects. You didn’t cause your son’s condition either knowingly or unknowingly.

I agree that some professional counselling may be of benefit to help you move on from ruminating over this unhelpful and unhealthy thought pattern.

IIRC the the heart is essentially fully formed by the end of week 4. Getting covid in week 6-7 won't have made any difference.

Not your fault at all. If the thoughts/feelings don’t fade I think you would seek some counselling.
for what it’s worth, my little boy had a heart defect and I know it’s quite a shock xxx

OP, if you are, like me, the kind of person who wants to know what actual research has been done on this and related issues, here is a general overview of the research conducted on COVID-19 infection during pregnancy and potential heart damage to the fetus:

Vertical Transmission Potential: Research suggests that there is a possibility of vertical transmission, which means the transmission of the virus from an infected mother to the fetus during pregnancy. Several case reports have indicated the presence of SARS-CoV-2 in the placenta, amniotic fluid, and neonatal tissues, suggesting intrauterine transmission. However, the exact risk, mechanisms, and potential outcomes of vertical transmission are still being investigated further.

• Reference: Hosier et al. (2020). SARS-CoV-2 infection of the placenta. J Clin Invest, 130(9), 4947–4953. doi: 10.1172/JCI139569.

Fetal Cardiovascular Effects: Limited research exists regarding direct heart damage to the fetus due to maternal COVID-19 infection. However, some studies have identified potential cardiac abnormalities in neonates born to COVID-19 positive mothers. These include myocardial injury, myocarditis-like symptoms, arrhythmias, and myocardial dysfunction. Further investigations are ongoing to understand the underlying mechanisms and long-term outcomes.

• Reference: Sisman et al. (2020). The effects of COVID-19 on pregnancy and implications for neonatal care. Eur J Obstet Gynecol Reprod Biol, 250, 255–256. doi: 10.1016/j.ejogrb.2020.05.023.

Maternal Cardiac Injury and Pregnancy Outcomes: Maternal COVID-19 infection can lead to cardiovascular complications, such as myocarditis, heart failure, and arrhythmias. These complications may indirectly affect the fetus by compromising maternal health, placental function, or oxygenation. Adverse pregnancy outcomes, including preterm birth, fetal distress, and stillbirth, have been observed in some cases, but the causal relationship is still not well-established.

• Reference: Yang et al. (2020). Characteristics and outcomes of pregnant women with COVID-19 and the risk of vertical transmission. JAMA, 324(16), 1897–1899. doi: 10.1001/jama.2020.17086.

Blaming yourself is a natural reaction. It's a way of expressing grief at what's happened and - weirdly - trying to regain some control so we can protect ourselves and our children.

We can never go back. If you continue to blame yourself, you will put a barrier between yourself and happiness. And that could affect your child profoundly.

You can choose to move on. You have a wonderful child and hopefully he will go on to live a full and happy life with a Mum who loves him.

No one can protect their children from everything. It's a hard truth to accept but there is so much joy in having a child that you should grab it with both hands.

You poor thing, you are torturing yourself with this line of thought.

How is your son doing?

How do you discuss your son's medical problems with him? Have you got the right words?

I found when I settled upon how to discuss my DD's multiple food allergies with her in a way that made them seem manageable I started to feel better about the situation myself.

Thank you for all the replies.
My son is doing very well, he’s 9 months old now and is considered “repaired”.
I do have occasional counselling and it helps a little. I have OCD so ruminating is unfortunately something I do well.
I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life so I do think it’s made me find it difficult to think rationally a lot of the time.