Worried DS 11 has OCD

[ChampionWorrier21]

He’s 11 and although a confident, outgoing happy kid, he also has a lot of anxiety.

I’ve noticed a few things recently - when he says goodnight to me he’ll repeat the same phrase a few times, he also always ends texts to me with the same phrase even though it’s not relevant to the conversation. The other night he was upset at bedtime and told me that before he goes to bed he has to brush his teeth in a particular way until it feels “right” but that night, he couldn’t get it right for some reason and he kept brushing and brushing and getting frustrated and upset. He said it gave him a really anxious feeling.

I had OCD as a child - never diagnosed but I would find myself having awful thoughts about things happening to my family that could only be relieved by me counting certain items/tapping light switches/repeating phrases in my mind. I still suffer with it to a degree but have learnt to control it.

DS says he doesn’t have thoughts about specific bad things happening, he just finds if he doesn’t brush his teeth right, or say particular phrases to me at bedtime, he feels really anxious.

What’s the best course of action? I’m thinking a GP visit is probably a waste of time as I know children’s MH services are hugely overstretched. I have private medical insurance so I was thinking to just go straight to that- what sort of help are they likely to offer - face to face therapy? I’d love him to be able to talk to a professional asap.

DS10 has OCD. He was formally diagnosed by CAMHS age 9 after lockdown escalated everything but I'd been spotting the traits in him since he was small (I have OCD too). Similar patterns to your DC, particularly around teeth cleaning, set phrases, plus stepping on things, tapping stuff, problems with writing crossing out etc.

He had 5 months of CBT/exposure therap (from GP referral to starting therapy was about a month's wait so not bad at all) and now manages his symptoms much more effectively. It will never go away entirely, but he does move through his quirks/routines more quickly and easily now, it doesn't get in his way as much.

I highly recommend a novel called I See Blue which is about a boy with OCD who has to overcome some of his routines and also accesses therapy, it's a brilliant book and one that really helped my DS feel less weird about his various quirks.

https://amzn.eu/d/7aUO1Yt

Dc2 has routines that need following, has to be the last to kiss me for bed, say certain things on certain stairs, was diagnosed as asd with ocd tendencies (so not ocd but because of the asd and anxiety). We discussed it at length and dc can't say why it needs doing this way but says it makes things feel better. We have concentrated on a few things that were getting in the way and making life difficult, but had to slowly reduce the behaviour so dc was able to realise nothing bad was going to happen.

Thank you both so much - and I’d really like to read that book, thank you. So sorry you both have to deal with this too.

It’s reassuring to hear you got help for your DC quickly @tpmumtobe

The way I’ve learnt to cope with it myself is by ‘condensing’ my rituals - it’s like I’ve almost ‘agreed’ with the OCD that instead of doing long-winded things like counting/turning lights on and off/etc I can replace all that with just tapping my palm three times. It means it takes up less time. I was thinking of suggesting something like that to DS but I feel like as might not be helpful as it’s not tackling the root of the problem. I feel like we need to do what you said @Bookendortwo , try to reduce the behaviour to prove that nothing bad will happen - but it’s quite tricky as DS doesn’t have fears that a specific thing will happen, just general anxiety if he doesn’t perform certain tasks.

How do you manage yours @tpmumtobe ?

@ChampionWorrier21 I deal with it exactly the same - embrace the rituals in short form so that my brain thinks it's ticked off but it doesn't encroach on day to day life in the same way. I've tried to teach DS the same, as did the therapist he worked with. That's how exposure therapy works, breaking it down into manageable chunks and trying to reduce the stages. There was no discussion about 'curing' it or removing the routines completely, more about modifying behaviours and learning to live with them. Also recognising the triggers (in my case and DS's case that's lack of sleep, stress etc) and not beating himself up if he has a bad day because he's tired etc. My DH has also had to learn not to get frustrated with some of the behaviours as they can look like time-wasting. I've also had to have a stern chat with school about recognising his OCD is a diagnosed condition because it can impact his learning from time to time.

Thank you @tpmumtobe - interesting that you deal with it the same way and that’s also what the therapist advised.

Feel sad that it seems there’s no “cure” for it, as such - hate to think that DS has to put up with his brain tormenting him like that - and mine!

Hello, I know this post is nearly a year old, just wondering how you got on and if you ever made a referral in the end?

My DS is 7, and I've thought he had tourettes or autism due to stims/tics, but I've recently realised they are more likely to be OCD traits, things he feels he has to do. His current quirks are having to repeat some phrases 4 times, having to say goodnight 4 times, having to arrange his toys a very particular way every morning and evening, having to have a 2 minute timer set to brush his teeth, and perfectionism with handwriting and having to rub out any mistakes. He is very impulsive and can be hyperactive, but not at all like his siblings with ADHD. I did mention it to his teacher at a recent parents evening and they said they would get the school SENCO to ring me. I kind of assume there will be no help available as I know the state of these kind of services.

I also wonder if like tics, OCD traits can be transient in childhood? On reflection, I had some OCD like traits in childhood and I no longer have any. Mine were having to even put sensations on both sides of my body, pulling out hair, tapping out text with my fingers before a particular amount of time had passed fixating on family members dying. I do have ADHD and stims related to fidgeting though but no OCD traits or anxiety as an adult, so I do wonder if I should wait and see if it passes rather than pathologize it? It's hard to tell if his is more pronounced than mine as I can't remember, but I think it is.

I could have written this myself OP, such similarities between myself and you and our sons. My 11yo definitely has OCD traits (not diagnosed) but he also has anxiety and depression too. At the moment it seems manageable and we talk a lot- we’re very open about it which I think helps. I definitely think going through your health insurance is ideal. I’d recommend camhs but they won’t even help my self harming younger son who is often saying he wants to die so it’s pointless re my son with the ocd 🙈🤷🏻‍♀️
Good luck with it all and I hope your son gets the support he needs.

Hi @User373433 we went through private medical insurance in the end. I’m pleased to say that just a few sessions with a psychologist (think it was about 8) really helped DS to the point that he didn’t need to see her anymore. She explained that OCD/OCD traits are extremely common in children - so as worried as I was, she reassured me that DS’s was a mild case as there are plenty of people with the condition who simply can’t leave the house as their compulsions take up so much time.

She gave DS small tasks such as very slowly reducing elements of the rituals each week to see how he got on. She also explained that anxiety caused by intrusive thoughts is not sustainable - so if DS felt really anxious about not carrying out an element of a ritual, he would find that his anxiety would peak but would then slowly reduce, which was true.

She also gave him tasks like visualising his fear of what would happen if he didn’t do a ritual as words on a blackboard - ie he was fearful of food being contaminated so he would imagine the words “I’ll vomit if I eat that chicken” on a board and then imagine the words lit up/dancing/swirling around - basically till they look ridiculous.

Naming his fears helped too - a lot of his OCD was around health anxiety and she explained this was almost a primeval instinct kicking in (that’s no longer helpful in modern life) - a way of the mind warning us of perceived danger as it would have done when we were cavemen. Anytime he was worrying about his health, she told him to say to himself “That’s the health anxiety - thank you for doing your job but I don’t need you/everything is fine” etc.

I’ve not really explained any of this really well but I just want to reassure you that there is help and is does work. Some of the old behaviours do rear their head now and then but DS recognises it and it’s much easier to reassure him now.

@IrishWombat I’m so sorry to hear that, your poor son. I know it’s easy for me to say but if you can access private care at all, it’s definitely worth it. I’m lucky in that we got it through OH’s work.

Good luck to both PPs. Xx