Overweight 12 year old, what do I do?

[Bringonthesunforthewashing]

Hi all,

I really feel stuck. Ds12 has ballooned in weight since he started school in September.

He has always been tall and slim, but since he has started school he has just got bigger and bigger.

We practice healthy eating as a family, but I know he takes food from home at times without asking, has too much cereal on a morning etc.

His twin sister tells me he asks people for money at school to buy food!! He takes a packed lunch which is a chicken/ham sandwich, packet of skips/quavers, banana.

Family tea usually consists of spag Bol, lasagna, chicken and roasted veg, gammon roast dinner, tomato pasta, stew and veg, low fat sausage and veg, spicy wraps, that sort of thing.

I keep portion sizes to a minimum (he would eat lots more if allowed but I would be full if ate what he is). If I cut the portion size any smaller he asks for food all evening.

no snacks other than the crisps at lunchtime and after tea he usually has a rocket lolly.

he is 5ft 3. Weighs 10st 8.8lbs and his waist is 38.5 inches!!!!

What do I do? His twin eats the same, she is slim and less active than him.

I am so worried about him. He is being bullied for being ‘fat’.

How much exercise does he do, and how active are you as a family ?

Ditch the cereal for breakfast, increase his lunch with more protein, serve loads of veg with every meal,a third of the plate should be veg or salad. Unfortunately it's hard once they have their own money and can go to the shop. Excercise is good but it's diet that will make the difference. What food is available that he can help himself to without asking?

Sadly not that much exercise. He doesn’t want to go to any clubs, he wants to stay home and game or just hang out.

He is getting better as the weather improves and can go out at 11am without lunch and come home at 5.30. So he is active on a weekend, just not so much through the week

He can have more at tea time, just make sure it’s veg, to fill him up.

He's also due a big growth spurt any minute which might help.

My son was overweight when he went to high school, despite being very active. At some point in year 7 or 8 he hit puberty and the weight literally fell off him, and he’s been a size extra small ever since.

If the weight came on suddenly he may be about to shoot up. In your position I’d stop the carby packed lunch and let him have school dinners as they will be more balanced.

School dinners at high school is likely to be chips, pizza and burgers. Ds ate pizza every day for the first term berm switching to packed lunches. Lots of protein, wholemeal bread ( not just brown), crisps a couple of times a week rather than every day.

The weight gain has been gradual. He has cellulite and man boobs bless him.

school dinners I don’t think are a good idea, it’s a canteen and he would but cheese and ham panini and more rubbish.

as he has got older he has become more fussy with veg and salad. Now refuses to eat salad. On veg heavy teas he hardly eats anything. I make it very clear there will be nothing else and it’s not a hotel etc in a lighthearted way. He would rather starve.

No signs of puberty….

Too many processed carbs and not enough protein and fat. Get the balance changed and his hunger will abate.

Do you think genetically he will be tall after puberty? I certainly know if some boys where the sudden growth spurt evens things out. I have one super slim child and another with a decent amount of podge but Im not too worried as whilst there’s some decent eating going on, it’s not compulsive.

Are certain foods he’s over-eating do you think? Is it a case of ultra processed foods causing him to crave and binge?

He’s got to be onboard with that though or else he’ll just buy crap to eat on outside the house.

I am just asking, in terms of just for overall diet and health for adults too, when you say too many processed carbs and not enough protein and fat.
Which carbs?
Because this is always where my argument is with the NHS and their healthy eating plate/diet advice, that yes veg/salad/fruit should be a huge part of your diet, but that carbs should be the next big part(not endless portions of course) Wholemeal/wholegrain/brown wherever possible. And Protein in small amounts, and bad fats and sugar in very small amounts.

So where does Protein and fat come in to things.

Definitely needs to eat more fat and protein and much less carbs.

No bananas, no grains (no bread, rice or sugar), no crisps (made with unhealthy veg oils) or biscuits.

Best veg are above ground veg, try to avoid below ground veg as they are 100% starch and that just gets converted to sugar.

Eggs and low G.I. foods would be a good start.
Scrambled or boiled eggs for breakfast?
Or even porridge is far better than cereals.

More meat and more cheese.

Check with your local msg board for a child healthy weight programme. They'll work with him to make better choices and set him back on the right path. If you're in England it used to be called MEND, all Scottish health boards have one too. They make it fun and family inclusive so his brother could go too

The food pyramid is upside down.

Lots of leafy greens are great, but avoid below ground carbs and grains.

Nhs not msg

He is having lots of cereal and pasta which won't be helping. Lots more veg and lean meat needed.

I know how hard this is as you do not want to reduce his self-confidence and make him too aware of his weight. But you can change what you give him to eat. If he is borrowing money to buy more food then that is pretty compulsive and sounds as though he does not feel full. I would give it another 6 months with a change in what you give him; and if this does not work I would see doc re referral to dietician.

When i worked in the NHS there was a video saying even little old ladies need 75 grams of protein per day and protein should be at the centre i.e. the main part of every single meal. This was a video saying how if people ate correctly with real food they would not need protein bars and the like.

But we all know refined carbs are cheaper and that’s how the people at the top feed us - we are like their cattle.

When eating refined carbs you do not feel satisfied for long, hence why he is wanting to eat so frequently and asking to borrow money.

Eating fat and protein keeps you fuller for longer.

If he carries on like this he might end up diabetic, better to correct his course now.

I have experience with this with my friend’s teen son. He was doing similar but then cut out or reduced carbs and filled up on protein. I don’t think he was that sporty either but liked walks.

You could swap crisps for eg Pop Chips or Snack a jacks.

OP you would be better off seeking support for your son from your GP, you can also find some good resources from the British Heart Foundation (check their website) for good nutritional advice.

And please ignore the people who are suggesting the kind of dietary advice you perhaps would follow if you were very overweight, it is a terrible way to eat day to day.

some good base rules -

No form of fruit or vegetable or salad is bad for you , and you should be encouraging a wide range of all of these.

Stick to fats which haven’t been messed with - pressed olive oil , butter, milk and cheese are the most nutritious, and can be enjoyed in sensible quantities.

Carbs are not the devil, and can be very nutritious , just be sensible- half a loaf of bread is not going to be good, but a sandwich is fine ! Pasta is fine (watch the portions and make sure there is lots of salad/veg with it) Porridge is a good filler. Bagels are good. And Jacket potatoes are very nutritious and filling.

Crips/ sweets /chocolate- they don’t have any particular nutritional value so you shouldn’t eat these as part of your meals, but having a few portions a week won’t hurt (moderation is the key here ) so you could have crisps with your sandwiches on the weekends, and a chocolate bar for pudding on a Wednesday for example.

I'd be getting him involved with meal planning, shopping and cooking so he is more invested in healthy eating. His diet sounds very carb heavy, I'd be looking at alternative lunch box ideas with him with more protein and veg.

I think the breakfast is the problem. No more cereal. Give him 3 scrambled eggs on a slice of wholegrain toast and half a tin of plum tomatoes or a 3 egg omelette or baked beans on wholewheat toast slice with grilled bacon. That should give him protein to keep him going until lunch. Give him a satsuma to add to his lunch. I would give him extra protein and veg as well as his carbohydrate portion at dinner. If still hungry carrot sticks with houmous to snack on. My Foster son is very sporty and always has protein for breakfast now instead of enormous bowls of cereal and it's stopped him snacking mid morning which he used to do.