Crying my eyes out and hating the NHS

[Starfish125]

I'm sorry if this seems ridiculous compared to other children's suffering but I'm literally at my tether and sat here in tears over what to do.

Basically my 6 year old son has been having recurrent tonsillitis since Xmas. From Xmas to today he's had 4 bouts of nasty tonsillitis and today being the worst so far. The tonsils are disgusting, swollen so he can barely breath, thick pus which makes his breath unbearable to be near (as awful as that sounds) and a temperature raging to 39.1. He's on day 2 antibiotics and so far aren't even working, hes off school and I've had a shitty letter about his attendance last month and now the tonsils look worse. I've been told by my GP she cannot do a referral to ENT until he's had 7 bouts in 12 months, and her hands are tied. I'm not mad at her but the whole system is so fucked. I am a qualified nurse working for the NHS and I'm sick to death of it. I actually wish we was like America, paying a health insurance but actually being seen and referred for stuff we need. We never use the NHS I seldom go to the GP or have regular prescriptions and the one time I desperately need their help I can't get it. I'm also 8 months pregnant with our third child and we can't afford to go private it's around 4k and I so desperately want to do it but where the fuck do the repayments come from? I'm sorry this is more a rant than general advice but i can't be the only one sick of this bullshit. My only thought now is to borrow 2k off my nan and have the other 2k as a loan but doing that isn't something I would do lightly as I'm sure my uncles would kick off about her lending me money. Can anyone give me any useful advice at all? Or kind words.

I feel your pain. My son was similar, but older. Eventually he was admitted to hospital as an emergency as he was struggling to breathe and they agreed to do the op. I had just arranged to have it done privately so it saved me £3k, it was a few years ago so a bit cheaper than you have been quoted.

Although it was a relief to save the money I would have gone in to debt for it because it is so difficult seeing them suffer. Would anyone else in the family chip in, if it was my niece for example I'd happily give something.

If your nan is genuinely happy to help out and is of sound mind, why would your uncles get cross? Can she really afford to help? If so go private, that sounds hell for you and your DS, especially if he is in year one as it is a difficult year and he has a sibling on the way.

You're right, it is shit to leave a very young child suffering like that.

I know one honest person who paid to have it done private but I also know of two people who lied saying they had it more than they did to get it done

Honestly my son should have had his removed but he couldn't unless he had it 12 times in 12 months or they affected his breathing he had it eleven times ONE LESS fucks sake my neighbours kid got theirs removed due to breathing issues my son has fortunately grown out of it but he did get strep recently

I had recurrent bouts of tonsillitis as a child (missed school, had hallucinations, felt terrible etc) Doctors resisted removing them even them (the 1970s). By the time I was 8 it just stopped and I never had it again and rarely get a sore throat. It is terrible when you are in it and there is the possibility he may get through it.
The only other option is to keep pushing. I feel so sorry for him because I remember how awful it was

Really really hard. Totally feel for you.

Some private departments in nhs hospitals have “staff and family” discounts just in case this might be helpful.

Up to 6yo I had tonsillitis really badly several times over each winter, and each episode was worse than the last. Dm was sure I was going to have to have them out, but the doctor said he wouldn't consider it until I was 8yo.
I've hardly had tonsillitis since that winter.

Hopefully it will be the same for your ds.

On the lending money, it does depend on your nan's position. If she's sitting on £500k in the bank then it's a no brainer. If the 2k is all her savings then I wouldn't want to take that away.

It's rubbish Op 😔

OP have they actually swabbed his tonsils? Or just dishing out abx.

I do agree he's likely to grow out of it, but as a sufferer and a mum of one too I sympathise

Had this for decades. Ruined much of my life/time. Beg, plead, say you must be referred. Get them out.

I paid for both of mine as it was ruining our life's. It was honestly one of the best things I've ever done. Lots of hospitals have repayment plans. It's worth ringing around.

That’s awful. It’s so wrong.

I swear we don’t let animals suffer the way our health service makes people suffer.

I would borrow the money without a second thought, honestly.

Can you add another symptom to push the referral?
my son is on the list to have his encapsulated ( they are healthy just massive) due to obstructive sleep apnoea, maybe your son suffers with that too?

We saw a consultant privately for similar after being declined by the NHS. He added us to his NHS list. Cost around £300.

Could you pay for a private ENT consultation first ? I think these cost a few hundred pounds as opposed to the thousands that the surgery costs.

I know this sounds a bit odd, but are you throwing his toothbrush away each time he gets an infection ? have washable pillows and duvets ?

Just go private, whatever it takes. Fun fact - in the US, it used to be customary to remove tonsils a couple of generations ago.

Thank u everyone for each reply, made me feel we aren't alone,.not that I want anyone else to go through this.

In regards to borrowing money off my nan she has around 60k sitting in her bank but she doesn't really touch it. The only issue there is that my uncle borrowed 5k off them a few years ago and has since been ostracized by the family, saying that, it's because he frog marched my grandad up the bank when he had dementia so it didn't go down too well, but it still makes me wary asking.

He has had sleep apnea in the past and the most horrific snoring due to the enlarged tonsils, but again, gp won't send referral until there is proof of 7 times in the system..so I can't even lie about it because it wouldn't be on the system that he had antibiotics.

I can get an appointment/consultation next week privately for £200 which I'll happily pay for, but wasn't sure what it would achieve if I couldn't afford to go privately. I don't think they would refer him on their NHS list without this bloody protocol in place.

I have a massive headache from the whole situation, OH is in agreement but worries about money more than me and says we can't afford it which is true but I also can't sit back and do nothing. I imagine he'll be off school tomorrow too as he barely touched his dinner and still has a temperature after calpol.

See the consultant privately. Then you will have more information and will be better placed to make a decision about private treatment.
He might help you access private treatment faster, he might only be able to tell you more about whether it’s important your ds has the operation soon. Either way more knowledge can only be helpful.

Yep.
Ditto.
I loved that Dr ❤️

Worst case scenario put it on a 0% credit card?
That's what we were planning to do.
Ignore the school letter, its not personal.

For 33 years old I'm going to sound completely stupid but I've never owned a credit card due to OH parents getting into serious debt (put him off ever getting one) but do you have a certain time frame to pay it all off? Or keep moving the debt onto another card?

Not going to work

I’m sorry the threshold is 7 bouts in 12 months and your child is so unwell. Try and keep him comfortable. I know you said you wish it were America and you’d paid health insurance but you don’t seem aware that in America instead of doctors setting thresholds for referrals and/or surgery, middle managers of health insurance companies set similar thresholds. Many Americans have to fight with their health insurance company to get surgery and/or medications approved. It’s not so simple as pay a monthly health insurance premium and then you can have whatever your GP ( or PCP there) says you need.

Firstly sending hugs. The NHS dealing with this is shocking. I know everyone is struggling but it shouldn't be children who suffer.

I'm in a similar situation with my just turned 3yr old. He's had tonsillitis on and off for 2yrs but mainly repeat double ear infections spiking high temps of 40C along with sleep apnea etc. Hes had 10 double ear infections in 8 months and now hes barely off antibiotics as nothing works anymore and his little body is just so run down. He has moderate hearing loss now but apparently he's not an urgent case for grommets in and adenoids out. It's been a battle for 17 months of no no no. The hospital now want me to build a case from his GP, HV speech and language etc as to why he's an urgent case. Honestly can't make it up. I mentally lost it last week as I'm just so exhausted constantly fighting for my little boy.
I would ask for an urgent referral to a paediatrician as they can override the GP or if he's that poorly I would see if your partner can take him to A and E as the Dr there can override the GP and get a referral done but it needs to be an urgent referral as the waiting lists are so long.

I'm so sorry your having such a tough time of no one listening. Its crap. I've been fortunate enough to now go down the route of private treatment with asking family and friends to help fund it which was hard to do but I didn't know what else to do as I feel like it's my only option.

I hope you get the help he needs ASAP.

@Starfish125 you have a certain amount of time for an interest free credit card. The amount of time can be dependent on your credit rating. There is nothing to stop you opening another interest free one at the end of your term and moving the money.

Your poor DS. A friends daughter recently had her tonsils out finally aged 8 after having it 20+ times between reception and start of year 3. It's so shit but sadly it's the protocol