Overweight daughter- advice please

[snoopysdad]

Hello,

My daughter is 10 and lives with her mum. I see her all holidays and half terms- this has been worked out via mediation. I would like to see her more and at times I do but the distance is over 300 miles away. (Mum moved away when separated). I cannot move, my business is here and family also.

I have noticed her weight increasing since lockdown. I thought perhaps this could be puppy fat. But the weight has increased so much since I last saw her.

I spoke to her mum, who has admitted that our daughter is very overweight. We were amicable regarding this. We decided to get her a Fitbit to try challenge her to hit her step target everyday. This has already failed in a week. Her mum isn't encouraging her to wear it either now.

When I say she is overweight, her BMI on the NHS website states she is on the 99th percentile. Also in reception, when she was weighed etc she was also in a high percentile as my ex had a letter regarding her weight. We had a conversation then and she said it was easier to feed her what she did as she is fussy. It was a battle then, but I lost.

While she was down last, I spoke to her about being healthy and making healthy choices. I also put limits on her laptop and phone as these are things she is on a lot; to try and encourage her to be more active. Her mum agreed to this also. So they turn off at 7:30pm.

Her mum is now not happy with this and says it's too stressful to keep up with. That she took her out a couple times last week for walks and that's enough. She has said she is eating better though. Although I cannot be there to witness this.

I have told myself I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, and I'll wait until I see her next for the may/June half term.

But what can I do if she is still very overweight? What are my rights as her father? I have PR. Can I take her to the GP to see what they can suggest? I also am mindful I want my daughter to be happy. I'm worried this is effecting her confidence and self esteem (also her physical health too.)

Our daughter hasn't been told that she is overweight or needing to lose weight by anyone. We have agreed that we won't tell her this at the moment to protect her. But could we have a gentle conversation if things do not get better? I guess if I took her to the GP I would have to.

Has anyone any advice? I know their eating habits are not great at home, lots of take aways and sweets/chocolate/junk. My family here are all pretty healthy and we are careful with our children's diet too; we also are very active. She loves going for walks with us when she's here. She also doesn't complain with the food options etc.

I know I need to trust her mum, but i don't have high hopes if I'm honest. Her mums eating habits are not great either. What can I do or what should I do? Any advice would be great as I know this is a sensitive topic. Thank you.

The kid is obese and it's the mums fault.

The guy has every right to say what he has said and he's said it incredibly tactfully.

I would love to have my daughter here, but that will never happen unfortunately. I don't really have any grounds there as a dad!

'Despite not being hands on?'

The mum decided to move 300 away from the dad and where his business is.

He sounds like he is doing us absolute best for his child, and that's exactly why he's worried about her weight. What do you expect him to do, do follow his ex around the country?
Give over.

It depends how much of a battle you want to go through, but if her mother is resisting any changes, then you could go through the courts to basically appeal for full time residency on health grounds.

I am sure I read this exact thread from your DPS (the step mum) POV a few weeks ago..... exactly this with lots of advice already.

But sport is hugely important to being fit. Overweight children are much much more unlikely to do no sport and then have the double whammy of being really unfit and obese as adults putting much pressure on their cardiovascular system.
Please encourage her to lose weight.

Sorry I meant please encourage her to do sport not just to lose weight but to keep fit.

Hi OP.

Can I give you some of the advice I was given for my DD? She is 8 now and in year but also had the letter in reception of her being in the 99th centile for weight.

We saw the school nurse rather than the GP and she was invaluable with her advice. We were advised that, at their age, it is better to try and keep their weight stable and have them grown into it as they get taller rather than encourage them to lose weight as by putting them on a restrictive weight loss diet, this can cause other issues such as lack of nutrients, fat etc.

They advised fist size portions for the healthy food groups at each meal, plenty of sleep and just normal exercise. Lots of water or fruit squash to drink too. Overweight children of this age don't need excess exercise as they naturally burn more calories / energy etc just due to the fact that they are overweight.

We have managed to get her to the 78% centile just using these tips alone and we are beginning to see the benefits now. Her clothes fit better (though she still needs a bigger size than her age still), she seems generally more confident and she's being bullied less too.

Good luck, your daughter will thank you one day if you manage to help with this