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Original poster

Family trying to diagnose my child

10 replies

PinkStarFish15 · 14/03/2023 15:48

Hi,

Sorry I tried to make this a short as I could....

I believe my mum and sister have some form of health anxiety. Its too much to write here but they are always going to the doctors for something, for the past 4 years my mum has had an MRI, CAT scan, ultrasounds, numerous blood and urine tests and they cant find anything wrong with her, she sees something online, decides she has that and asks to be tested for it, it comes back negative and she goes away and finds something else and it goes on and on. My sister is similar; a friend of hers was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, 2 months later she has too, a lady she works with had polycystic ovaries then she has too. These things never seem to need any follow up or treatment and are forgotten about when the next "illness" comes along.
My sister is also very keen to take her daughter (2) to the doctors, she goes to the walk in center every time she has an upset tummy or temperate, they only ever check her over and send her home, she has never once needed any treatment. She insisted she thought she had hearing loss, even though the nursery that she attends 4 day a week ever mentioned any concerns with her hearing, she had a hearing test and it came back clear. She has also decided that she has ASD. She has met all her milestones on time, the reason she thinks this is because she has a blanket that she rubs on her hand when she's tired, sometimes has meltdowns (2-3 times a week), she isn't sleeping very well at the moment either. There's a lot more but Id be here all day...

My mum has recently started dropping hints that she thinks my little girl (4) is autistic, this is based purely on the fact that she doesn't like the sound of the hairdryer in public toilets, she thinks this means she is 'noise sensitive" which can be a sign of being easy over stimulated and something that "needs to be kept an eye on" This is literally the only noise she doesn't like and she shows no other signs of ASD in my option. My sister has also mentions ASD whenever I refer to DD having a favorite food (which changes most weeks) because it's is common for ASD children to have "safe foods" - she eats a good variety of foods and her diet has never been an issue.

There was also an incident last year when DD came home from nursery complaining her ear hurt and had a slight temperature, I gave her Calpol and got her to sleep but my mum sent me a text meant for my sister saying we should have taken her to the walk in center rather than wait to go to the doctors in the morning, she was "worried sick - I wont sleep now" etc etc (it was freezing cold, 7pm at night and her temperature had come down and she'd gone to sleep, I really didn't think it would be a good idea to take her out)

What's really irritating me is the implication that I'm in denial and not caring for DD because I don't rush her to the doctors for every little thing. How can I get them to stop? I honestly don't think its malicious, they adore DD but its making me feel like a crap mum :(

OP posts:
Noideawhatiam · 14/03/2023 15:55

Honestly you can't do anything to change their behavior.
Is there a good reason that they know so much detail about minor illnesses your daughter has?
I'd stop feeding them the information that triggers their behavior.

drspouse · 14/03/2023 15:56

Children don't like hand dryers because they are at child ear height. All small children struggle with them to some extent!

Travellingraspberry · 14/03/2023 15:58

This sounds exhausting to deal with! The hand dryer thing and food is totally normal, both mine were exactly the same and I would have done exactly the same with the ear and temperature.

It's a tricky one as to how to get them to stop though, they both sound as bad as each other and probably make each other worse! I think you might just have to not tell them if your DD has a temp or anything minor, the less they know the less they can have an opinion on! Hopefully other family and friends will also provide reassurance to you that your way if doing things is 'normal' so it starts to affect uou a bit less too.

Hotvimto3 · 14/03/2023 16:01

My two hated and still do the hand dryers. Only one will let me use a hair dryer and they are much older. Its nothing to worry about.
They sound very stressy and in turn are upsetting you. Stop telling them anything unless its an emergency. You will be less stressed and sound like you have it all in hand on your own. Good luck xxx

Original poster
PinkStarFish15 · 14/03/2023 16:06

Noideawhatiam · 14/03/2023 15:55

Honestly you can't do anything to change their behavior.
Is there a good reason that they know so much detail about minor illnesses your daughter has?
I'd stop feeding them the information that triggers their behavior.

That specific time DD had an event at nursery she was looking forward to and my mum text to ask if she'd enjoyed it so I replied that she had but had come home under the weather, she was also due to take her out the next day so I was letting her know she might not be well enough.

The three of us are very close and share pictures of the girls and what they are up to a few a times a week, if I'm speaking about DD and she's poorly it just naturally comes it I suppose ...

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 14/03/2023 16:07

Yep. Hand dryers were a thing with both of mine. They grew out of it by about 5 or 6. Your mum would die if she dealt with my kids... ds came home with a concussion the other day... didn't take him to A& E... he's fine. Dd is constantly in the wars of some kind. If I took her to walk in for every blip I'd have to move in!

Best thing is probably to just not tell them of any incident and hope they go away...

Original poster
PinkStarFish15 · 14/03/2023 16:07

Hotvimto3 · 14/03/2023 16:01

My two hated and still do the hand dryers. Only one will let me use a hair dryer and they are much older. Its nothing to worry about.
They sound very stressy and in turn are upsetting you. Stop telling them anything unless its an emergency. You will be less stressed and sound like you have it all in hand on your own. Good luck xxx

Thank you! x

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkStarFish15 · 14/03/2023 16:11

drspouse · 14/03/2023 15:56

Children don't like hand dryers because they are at child ear height. All small children struggle with them to some extent!

I hadn't thought of that actually, poor things no wonder they dont like them

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 14/03/2023 16:11

Your sister has health anxiety because your mum has it. She's absorbed it as a natural way to respond to illness (with fear/extreme caution). I know because I'm the same. I've had to have lots of counselling in my adult life to try to break the cycle and not pass it on to my kids.
I would both encourage your sister to have some counselling and also stop giving them any information at all about your child's health unless it's serious (eg already hospitalised).
Re: random concerns about autism etc, just nod along and never mention it again.

Original poster
PinkStarFish15 · 14/03/2023 16:14

Travellingraspberry · 14/03/2023 15:58

This sounds exhausting to deal with! The hand dryer thing and food is totally normal, both mine were exactly the same and I would have done exactly the same with the ear and temperature.

It's a tricky one as to how to get them to stop though, they both sound as bad as each other and probably make each other worse! I think you might just have to not tell them if your DD has a temp or anything minor, the less they know the less they can have an opinion on! Hopefully other family and friends will also provide reassurance to you that your way if doing things is 'normal' so it starts to affect uou a bit less too.

Thank you, that's made me feel better. I'll keep it to myself

You're right, they feed of each other 🙄

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