Fear of dentist

[ariel251408]

Just after some advice please. My 8yo is incredibly scared of the dentist. I don't know why. She's not had any dental trauma or bad experience. The dentist is really patient with her and we have agreed she will go every 3 months and we can build her up to sitting in the chair/opening her mouth from a distance. I was just wondering if anyone had been through anything similar and had any advice? She's sees her sister in the chair having her teeth checked no problem but she just point blank refuses.
I have terrible teeth as my mum didn't take us to the dentist so I'm keen that she doesn't get to adulthood and have lots of dental problems.
Any tips on how to help her overcome her fear appreciated. Thank you.

My 22yo had huge dental phobia, but is much better now.

What we did was:

1. discussed with her what the issue was. For her it was the "pointy thing" and opening her mouth. So the dentist agreed not to use the "pointy thing" and she could wave her hand any time and he immediately stopped so she can close her mouth. He'd then wait until she was ready to reopen, or sometimes say to come back in a week so he could finish.
2. For her: not telling her too much about what's being done/needing to be done. "Sorting out the back tooth" is fine. "I'm going to use the drill to remove the old filling, then I'll need to file down the tooth a little before I refill it" is not. The dentist tells me what's happening, and if she needs to make a decision then I go away and discuss it away from the dentist.
3. Sedation when anything needs doing. She's now so much more calm and is able to have simple treatment simply because she knows that if she says "that's too much" we can organise a sedation appointment and she can have it done with that. She's totally calm with sedation.

It's taken years though. She was worst aged 13-15yo.
But sedation has completely changed her. For years, even sitting in the waiting room she'd be shaking and now she can sit in the dentist chair with him doing a thorough look and keep calm.

What I would talk to her about is looking after her teeth. The more she looks after them, the less the dentist has to do. Dd went through a stage where anything at the back of her mouth was a problem and wasn't brushing well, which meant more treatment and that increased her phobia.

And find a sympathetic dentist. Dd's has been amazing with her. He never gets impatient, even when she's arrived in such a state she hardly got her mouth open.
When she's had an issue, I think there must be a note on her file to get her in asap, because the receptionist will be telling me they don't have any space, then they'll get her info up and immediately he'll see her (often in a lunch time or at the end of the day). He is always reassuring for her and lets her take the lead when possible. He makes her feel that her fears aren't silly, but at the same time she can conquer them.

@MargaretThursday thank you for your message. Your dentist sounds amazing. Some good tips there which i will definitely use.
I think I was hoping it was just a bit of a phase but it's getting worse so I need to take practical steps to help her.