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Original poster

Do childhood scars grow with your child?

38 replies

CAB711 · 13/12/2022 16:55

Hi my 4 year old is left with 2 scars up to 2cm long on her arm following surgery to fix her broken bones. I’m finding it hard to accept them as they are a constant reminder of the trauma. At the moment they are purple/red and very prominent. I know they are likely to fade but I’m anxious to know will they grow with her or will they stay the same size while the rest of her arm grows? Any experiences would be appreciated. Thanks x

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ditalini · 13/12/2022 19:33

Ds1 had arm surgery when he was 5 and 6 which left him with a scar on his inner arm near his elbow about 6 or 7 cm long.

It was very thin and neat after his first surgery but they had to go back in again so the eventual result was a bit thicker, red, raised and more ragged.

Anyway, seeing this thread made me realise I hadn't noticed or thought about the scar for ages (he's 16 now), so I asked him to show me. It's about the same size I would say, maybe a bit longer? White, thin, flat and not at all noticeable.

He says he never thinks about it and noone ever asks.

carefulcalculator · 13/12/2022 19:35

CAB711 · 13/12/2022 19:27

That’s interesting to hear. Thank you. It doesn’t bother her either but it bothers me because I remember the trauma of the break and the surgeries that followed it xx

A short course of counselling might really help. Trauma is not something you just have to put up with, get help.

onlyonedayaweek · 13/12/2022 19:35

I have a lot of abdominal scarring (which I tend to keep under clothing), which is all white. It grew with me as a child, more or less, but hasn't grown when I've put on weight as an adult - my stomach now has some really impressive topology! But your DD is unlikely to put on weight on her arms.

My scars are a lot longer than your DD''s - a total of more than 30 cm, dozens of stitches. Your attitude to them will really shape how your DD sees them; I was brought up to be proud of them and able to answer about the (extensive, life saving) surgery which led to them. Please empower your DD in the same way.

carefulcalculator · 13/12/2022 19:36

He says he never thinks about it and noone ever asks. Mine says the same, even when swimming etc. no one has asked.

JofraArchersFastestBall · 13/12/2022 19:51

My sister had a scar on her forehead when we were growing up (from an incident that I think must have been fairly traumatic at the time) - it never bothered her, and I was always jealous of it. It's faded away to nothing now.

Childhood scars do fade, and children don't remember injuries and incidents in the same way adults do. I hope your daughter continues to recover well and that you are one day able to see them as a sign of her healing rather than her injury.

glittereyelash · 13/12/2022 20:05

My son had surgery before he was born and again a few months after birth. Both scars are barely noticeable now. It was terrifying at the time but now the scars just remind me how strong he is ❤️

Original poster
CAB711 · 13/12/2022 22:41

My DD has been remarkably brave throughout all of this so yes I should see them as that too. Thank you for sharing your experience xx

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Original poster
CAB711 · 13/12/2022 22:43

Thank you for your kind words. I know I could easily move on from the injury if the scars were not there. I hope as they fade the rawness of this will too xx

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Original poster
CAB711 · 13/12/2022 22:46

Wow, that’s incredible. Thank you for sharing. I will. I think it would be easier if I didn’t have the mum guilt associated with it all but she’s so young she’s never going to really remember her arm without them xx

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Original poster
CAB711 · 13/12/2022 22:48

Thank you. I’m hoping time will heal me. Other than the physical scars, DD is fully recovered and now discharged. I just need to accept they are there for life xx

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Original poster
CAB711 · 13/12/2022 22:50

Ahh thank you for sharing! It means a lot. I look forward to the day when this to is a distant memory xx

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Tonsiltrouble · 13/12/2022 22:53

I mean this kindly, but you need to get over this, for your child’s sake. She cannot change the scars and any even slight impression that she gets from you that is any way negative will shape her perception of her scars. I like the suggestion upthread about coming up with outlandish stories and games about them. But equally just not making a big deal might be important. If she mentions them you need to be able to say things like ‘I love your scars, they’re part of you’ - and mean it!

perhaps try some counselling to help with the trauma - was it an especially traumatic accident? Or just a little childhood fall?

Original poster
CAB711 · 14/12/2022 08:00

It was a simple fall which on its own would have been ok if she had been ok but after a week of saying she didn’t need surgery, they then said she did but because her bones had already started heal they had to open her arm up to move muscle out of the way to insert wires to hold the bones together. In my opinion the wires were then left in too long and they had to open her arm in another two places 3 months later to get the wires out. So she’s left with a 1.5cm scar close to her wrist, a 2cm scar on her forearm and two 1cm scars on her elbow. Quite a mess for a 4 year old little girl 😪

I think about the accident every day and have flashbacks because of the trauma it ultimately led to x

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