What to do with poor DD - at my wits end

[Lookthereisarobin]

Sorry, this might be a long one but I really need some advice from others who may have been there.

DD is 12, female, has had her period for about a year (in case that is relevant). About 1.5 months ago she started to feel really sick at breakfast time, couldn't eat any breakfast before school, but seemed fine with other meals. This progressed onto dinner times as well, with a couple of instances of her being sick aftet eating her dinner. But now, she gets halfway through her dinner and feels too sick to eat any more of it.We have been to the Dr, who did a full blood count (normal) and who prescribed omeprazole saying that it could have been a bug which has lingered and inflamed the stomach lining. He also weighed DD and asked us to go back in 2 weeks. There was a slight improvement, we went back in 2 weeks and DD had lost a small amount of weight. Dr decided to give it 3 more weeks and see how DD was doing, so we are on that stretch now.

However, DD is still struggling. At dinner tonight (roast, one of her favourite meals), she got halfway through and couldn't finish as she felt too sick.Lunchtimes, she can eat no problem. If I gave her something mid morning or mid afternoon, no problem.I really don't think it's an eating disorder as she isn't worried about her weight and will put away sweets and crisps during movie nights with her friends like there's no tomorrow.She is a bit of an anxious child, she has a lot of drama in her friendship group at school which I know gets to her. We've talked about MH and she is very open, knows she can talk to me and has confided in the past when feeling low.

So my question is, has anyone else been through similar?? Is it anxiety? Is it something that I need to push with the Dr for more tests? I really don't know, I just want her to be able to eat normally the poor thing.

Any help/advice would be hugely appreciated

I had pretty much exactly this when I was 10/11 years old. I lost a lot of weight as the amount I could eat at dinner time really decreased, although like your DD I was fine at lunch. It was anxiety, although at the time I'd have sworn (and really believed) that it wasn't.

Does she have diarrhoea or has she noticed any mucous in her stool?

Thank you for the advice given so far and the links. I will mention gastroparesis to the Dr as well and get some probiotics.

@WeWereInParis how did you find out in the end that it was anxiety?

Poor girl. Teens are under so much pressure nowadays. I would suggest keeping meals really chilled. Put the food in the middle and let her take what she can manage. Have music playing, chat, whatever it takes (but no phones).
hope she gets better soon

@Rowthe no, her stools have been fine

@Mariposista thank you 😊

I think you need to get her help for anxiety.

Have you noticed any difference if it's a takeaway or restaurant meal?

Intolerance and allergies can also lead to psychological response to food. It's all so complex isn't it. Think you should pursue both the physical and psychological. Hopefully the doctor will be supportive.

The anxiety started affecting other areas and I started having panic attacks. I also developed severe agoraphobia. Once I got help for this and my general anxiety decreased, the issues around nausea at dinner time decreased as well.

My teen DD has been similar. A stool test was positive for Pylori so that's being treated. Not sure if that's the cause, just one part of it or incidental. Main symptom has been nausea. Waiting for system to calm down post antibiotics to see if it's better. She can have parts of the day feeling OK or fancying crisps and choc and it seems worse on school days.

Does your DD have anything in particular to drink with her evening meal? My DD has issues with aspartame which is in certain drinks

If it's school anxiety she might feel less sick on Friday after school and on Saturdays but then worse again on Sunday.

@Jewel1968 it seems to be the same whatever meal it is, I thought takeaways might be better but no luck so far

@WeWereInParis I am so sorry you went through that. I am definitely going to look into the anxiety side and see if I can get her some support

@MeMeMeYou I'm sorry your DD is experiencing similar, it's horrible as a parent looking on and feeling helpless. Fingers crossed the antibiotics will have fixed it.

@hellsbells99 she likes diet lemonade, I might try something different to see if that helps, something non fizzy

My sister started like this at about 12 and gradually progressed to the point where if anything touched her throat like a necklace or a collar she would vomit. She had to have meal replacement shakes because she lost so much weight but after many tests it was deemed to be anxiety, she grew out of it almost overnight when she went to college and left the school dynamics!

Ovarian cyst?

Can definitely cause difficulty with eating and feeling "full".
Can cause weight gain/bloating and fatigue. Does she have any pain?

Coeliac disease. You do t have to get diarrhoea or constipation. You can go off food, get stomach aches, headaches, fatigue, rashes, hair loss, joint pain, pins and needles, breathless. My daughter with coeliac would get very anxious around meals.

Your poor DD and poor you . Anxiety manifested as nausea for me in my teens. Debilitating nausea which affected school. Consciously I didn't feel anxious about anything at first. It then kind of fed in to anxiety about the nausea and fear I would vomit in school /public which then probably made it worse.
I did end up with panic attacks too which I managed myself by always having an an exit /know where toilets were.
I actually left school over it.

I had all the tests done to rule out concerns. Barium, gastroscopy, x-rays etc.

I'm still not certain it was anxiety that triggered the nausea in the first place (possibly a lingering bug initially?) I did have an event that led to suppressed grief around that time that possibly started it.

I was a capable independent teen, older than your DD. But it changed the course of my life.
It also built massive resilience in me.
It never kept me a day from work etc and it isn't social anxiety for me (I'm working through to the root in councelling at the moment so watch this space ☺️)
I still struggle now with my head now but more so depression since covid lockdowns.

Have you asked her what she would like the next step to be?

I would suggest ruling out physical and keeping an open line on communication. Ask her what she feels. Maybe a type of play therapy or expressive activity like art, music, dance if she doesn't already. Expressive stuff really helps me. And Nature!

Without pushing anything. I feel for you both. As someone who has felt so nauseous it is awful. And as a mom now I know your heart is aching. Stay open. Let her lead the way if she can. I wish her the very best and hope she does feel better soon. xxx 💗

Has she had a pregnancy test?

i would let her stop once she’s reached the point she can’t eat / doesn’t want to eat more then add in a supper - milky drink and toast or porridge. I also wouldn’t worry about breakfast but give her a decent break time snack. Or a milkshake meal replacement shake for breakfast.

add butter to mash etc to add calories so even though she’s eating less they’re calorific.

@Athomewiththehales89 that sounds horrendous, your poor sister! I am so glad to hear she grew out of it. School environments are horrible places these days, really hard to navigate for poor teens

@DancyNancy what a lovely reply, thank you so much. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience, it sounds like you have achieved so much and been a total warrior - i wish you all the luck in your counselling and future.

@MarigoldPetals I will look into coeliac, thank you

@FreezyWater she doesn't have bloating or pain, it's weight loss rather than gain but I will keep that in the back of my mind thank you

@pyjamarama no, she is definitely not pregnant. She isn't into boys and hasn't ever had the opportunity to do anything with one

Definitely ditch the fizzy drinks! They can cause a feeling of fullness and really don’t help digestion. Just give her a small glass of water to sip when needed (she can make up on fluid at other times).

Also, what time is her evening meal and when would she have eaten before that? I find too long a gap between food makes my stomach feel tense and bloated. If she’s having a long gap, try something like a biscuit or two in the afternoon and/or bringing her evening meal forward.

Where does she sit to eat? Is her posture affecting her digestion? How are her sinuses? Low level nasal drip can cause nausea. It runs down your throat, irritates the stomach and makes you feel generally nauseous.

Could this be an eating disorder where eating is what's making her feel anxious?