Autism- hearing- comprehension

[Sairamma]

First time posting on the site, but wanted to hear of experiences from other parents, as I ‘wait and watch’. My son is 27 months and does not always respond to his name and follow instructions. The nursery flagged it up and it's only now that I began taking it seriously, and thinking he might be on the autism spectrum.
He did point but started pointing vigorously to ask for things only after he turned two. He pretends plays, loves cuddles, likes playing with his sister, and is comfortable with parallel play, has good eye contact at home (but had fleeting one when the HV came in),
has a few words- points and says car, juice, broccoli, strawberry. His bye-bye are a hit-and-miss-does when he wants to. We are a bilingual family, so initially, the nursery put it down to multiple languages. We also had his ears checked- he has way too much wax- and only after the wax is removed can the doctor determine if he has glue ear or not, then hearing.
My thought is that even with glue ear he needs to be able to comprehend, even if cannot speak? Wanted to ask parents if it is the case. Thanks to the waiting time, I am only starting the process- the doctor recommended oil which didn’t work for a good month, not sodium bicarbonate in his ears. In the first week of Nov, I have been called by the GP to check his ears, and then she says she might recommend suction. Then after the suction, the check for glue ear- it seems to be a long process, and I worry my child will be even further delayed in his speech, but also assessment if it is not hearing but more developmental.

Just saw your thread pop up at the top of my list and had to comment....

I'm not a medical practitioner and don't have children but I might have been that child that you are describing. I had a lot of ear infections during childhood and at one point was being investigated for hearing issues. I was quite quiet as a child (everyone assumed it was shyness) and my Mum always tells me I was a screamer. I'm not sure if they ever found anything but I had my adenoids removed when I was about five.

My Mum's personality and communication style is the opposite of me. She is an extrovert and will talk constantly, can't stand silence, loves the phone, etc. I am an introvert. I'm happy to be in my own company and entertain myself. I'm very creative and would happily spend hours on my own drawing, painting and making all sorts things (Blue Peter eat your heart out!). This was always a source of extreme concern for my Mum so she was constantly trying to encourage me to put myself forward and be the life and soul of the party. Well, I can tell you I really did try and I probably succeeded as a teen and 20 something. However, I've realised that I like socialising but that it needs to be on my terms or I just get 'peopled out'. I do this by spacing stuff out in my calendar, not seeing people for too long. A hen weekend in Ibiza would probably be my idea of hell!

I've muddled along through life. I was outstanding in Primary, did okay at Secondary although struggled a bit and went onto Uni where I did okay. I've always felt like I am more intelligent than the grades that I achieved or how people perceive me. In terms of work, I've always been in work but I haven't had a great career and have struggled with the environments/people. I've been called "aloof", "misunderstood", "Lady Peekachoochoo" and perceived as a bit stuck up. At times, my communication style is a bit direct but I'm aware of this and try really hard to do the social chit chat because I do really care about people on a personal level Several people have said that they really like me when they get to know me which I can only conclude means that they didn't like me to start with! Several times I've been called a "lovely lady" and a couple of bosses have said I've "got it all".

As you can imagine, this is pretty confusing and I've spent most of my life not knowing who I really am and trying to squeeze my square peg of a body into round holes.

I've suspected for a while that there is something else going on (ASD or ADHD) but I've recently started a new job and it's all come to a bit of a head. I won't go into all the details but I've suddenly realised that many of the things I'm struggling with/have struggled with previously are sensory overload (particularly noise). I find it really hard to filter so open plan offices, MS Teams meetings, interruptions and group stuff where lots of people are talking at once are a bloody nightmare. I really try to keep up but it's like my brain doesn't know what to focus on, can't keep and just ends up shutting down. I then struggle to even think or speak. I sat in some training on Teams the other day and there was so much going on in terms of the pace it was delivered, two presenters, a shared powerpoint (which was too small to see), other attendees, having to type answers in the chat box, having to react, having click boxes on various polls that I mentally shut down about half way through. Conversely, if I know what I'm doing and am left to get on with it I can crash through work at pace. I'm like a bloody robot which I assume is some sort of hyperfocus. I don't think much of this was so much of a problem earlier in my career as the pace of work was slower and information was only really coming in via someone coming up to your desk, letters or phonecalls. Now you have all of that plus emails, MS Teams call, video calls, chats, channels plus all the complicated work systems that you're expected to process and submit work.

I would definitely research ASD for your son. It could be that he hears you but doesn't react (which I do) or it could be that he has retreated inside his head and zones you out (which I do too). I'd test him in different environments. What happens when you are in a room with no distractions and it's been a quiet day? What happens when you've been with lots of people and there's been loads going on? How does he communicate and engage? Does it make any difference?

My ideal world would be to work from home communicating by email with any meetings/calls scheduled in so I can plan for them. If I had my time again I think I would have chosen a career where I could work undisturbed for long periods. Weirdly, I also find physical jobs where I am constantly helps to engage my brain.

No idea if that helps but all the messages I received about being quiet and not speaking up were pretty detrimental for me long term.

Also, another thing to remember is that we all have a preferred communication/learning style.

For example, I really struggle if someone is standing in front of me telling me something. If I can do the task myself while they are explaining it, it's a million times easier.

My DS (4 nearly 5) had autism diagnosed about 2 years ago.
He rarely responded to his name , didn’t point, didn’t wave (although he started waving with his hand backwards age 3). He didn’t really cuddle, and had few words. He also didn’t babble at all.

He also had glue ear, and ended up with grommets. At first they though that was the reason he wasn’t responding. The audiologist told me she had seen many children presenting with symptoms of autism that resolved after having grommets. She said it would be like living life underwater, if you couldn’t hear well it would significantly delay language and understanding.
However I was still worried as I knew he should still be trying to engage with me (eg bring me books, show me things he found like flowers in the garden etc). He never did those things when he was little. He started to maybe a year ago

In my sons case nothing changed after the grommets. Although he did start sleeping through the night when previously he would wake up screaming for hours. He never had any obvious signs of ear infections that drs could see but his ears must have bothered him a lot.

Looking back the signs re ASD were very obvious. His interests were very specific - he didn’t like toys but loved
dripping water from a flannel and watching the water drip from the hose. He was obsessed with water and having a bath. He hated being messy (he still hates being messy). He would never smile or interact with a stranger in any way at all. It’s as if they didn’t exist. When his sister was first born I had to be so careful as he’d act as though she wasn’t there at all. He’d actually walk over her if she was in his way! His pretend play was non existent until about a year ago.

Your son is speaking, pointing, engaging in pretend play and playing with his sister which I think are all very good signs. There’s a good chance that speech delay (if he is considered delayed?) could be caused by the glue ear, especially since it seems quite blocked in both ears .

@Cather1ne and @Peekachoochoo thank you so much for your response. @Cather1ne I have to say that his pointing came very late. And his sense of instructions is really really poor. I am struggling to communicate, make a routine etc. I hope it's just his ears. How is your DS now, in terms of communication? I think I need to start some therapy to get him speaking - as it seems to be a long road to get any diagnosis or even for hearing tests etc. In my area the wait list for hearing test was around 10 mths when I last called!!

I'd keep a diary to track what he's been doing and see if there is any effect on his communication. It might be revealing. I imagine a nursery environment is a bit like an open plan office (my worst nightmare!).

@Peekachoochoo thank you so much. Yes, I have been trying to trace effects on his communications post ear wax removal etc.