Would these behaviours concern you?

[arinya]

Not sure if concern is the right word! We have a wonderful DD who has just started year 5. She is generally a happy child but has a few quirks and I do find myself pondering on and off, whether there is more to these quirks.

Finds it hard at the start of a new social interaction. For example, if we meet up with our friends or family she goes shy, lacks eye contact takes a while to warm up and start talking to people. Always been like this. Friends we have known her whole life. Then after a while she is fine.

Struggles with a lot of loud noises - motorbikes, fire alarms, cinema level sound. Immediately clamps hands over ears and gets anxious. Otherwise fine with playing loud music etc. has had to leave situations in tears due to noise levels “hurting” her.

Puts a lot of pressure on herself to do well. Can worry about getting told off at school even though she never does anything wrong.

Never ill but sensitive to pain. Perceives minor injuries as worse than they are. Wary of anything medical, for example tries to cover ears when GP wanted to take a look inside, struggled with lateral flow testing but was ok in the end. Doesn’t like anything going in nose or eyes like eye drops or the school flu spray. Would in no way consider having any type of injection.

Nervous habits when not active - biting fingernails, picking skin around fingers.

Awkward in some social situations. Wants to do something for example an activity for birthday with friends, then when she gets there barely speaks, looks miserable, easily irritated and likes to try and control the situation and people around her. Usually ok once has had some time to settle and then you can see the confident side of her cominb through. Often talks afterwards about how much she enjoyed the event, but you wouldn’t really know at the time!

I've met some adults like this who lead normal lives and careers. It might just be her personality, but she obviously has some anxiety issues, so I'd probably look into ways I could her help her by doing mindfulness hobbies (art clubs, horseriding, etc).

A lot of this sounds like me, I have wondered about it and researched but decided it is just temperament

Thanks for your replies. I do flit between thinking” there’s something there” and “no she’s fine”. I do know a few children with ASD but they are all boys and I know it presents so differently in girls and worry she is masking continuously. That said, there are no meltdowns at home or anywhere, her baseline seems to be generally happy and content and it could well be some anxiety behind this rather than anything else. Not sure what else to look for that may be relevant in girls?

Did you get past the issues with loud noises ? It does prevent her from doing things she as she tries to avoid as much as possible and gets very upset if we try to persuade her.

I don’t like loud noises (apart from loud music, if I’m playing it!) but it doesn’t stop me doing anything

This describes my DD now 17. Diagnosed Aspergers at 11.

She's 17 now and very capable and mature. She's in the RAF. They constantly praise her and are amazed how confident, organised, kind (not to her siblings!) and compassionate she is.

She regrets ever getting a diagnosis as it never actually helped her in ANY way other than meaning school could dismiss every worry/anxiety and say it's because of the ASD (rather than something they could change 😑).
It also barred her entry into the Army which was her fist choice but actually I believe she's better off in the RAF anyway.

So maybe your DD is autistic, maybe she's not. If she's muddling along ok and you don't need external support I'd just leave things be.

Sounds like personality. And that she knows herself and how to stay within her limits/boundaries in lots of different scenarios so I think you're doing all the right things parenting wise 👍

Back in uni I read some psychology papers that intimated the introvert/extrovert dichotomy could have sensory roots. Introverts are more sensitive to sensory stimulus, so noises seem louder, touch feels stronger, pain is more painful. As a result they seek out sensory stimulus less that extroverts and reach their limit sooner than you might expect.

She could just be sensitive, or she could be neurodiverse.

Either way, it sounds like these issues are affecting her ability to participate in activities etc that her peers enjoy, and the performance anxiety needs watching as it can escalate as school pressure ramps up.

Speak to the school and ask if they have picked up on anything, and make an appointment with you GP (I know it can be easier said than done atm!). Wait times for assessment where I am are very long, so better to start the ball rolling if you (and she) think a diagnosis would be helpful. Be prepared to hear that school "haven't noticed" any issues - many fly under the school's radar because they are so keen to people please and not to get into trouble, but just because they're not being disruptive doesn't mean they are coping.

FWIW I have two neurodiverse children, both presented very differently and diagnosed mid to late teens (girl asd, boy inattentive adhd). Both have found their diagnoses helpful, not so much in school, but in understanding themselves and in accessing help in further education.

As far as I'm aware, the Army are the only career path not open to those with asd diagnosis. (and I believe this is under review. www.forces.net/news/uk-military-actively-considering-autistic-recruits)

Thanks. I spoke to school and the end of summer term, her teacher had no concerns at all and was quite surprised with what I was saying. He had not noticed any issues or that DD puts her fingers in her ears when the school bell goes off, or that she often slips out of the classroom around that time to avoid it. He did say he thought she had relaxed quite a lot compared to the start of the year. She is a model pupil, well liked, well behaved, high achieving, glowing reports from every teacher she’s had.
I also took her to see GP who had a look in ears, all fine. She asked me a few questions and said based on that she couldn’t see any cause for concern but said she would refer for hearing test just to check if there was anything there. So waiting on that but not expecting anything there, speech and language is fine and she was quite an advanced early talker.

Speech delays aren't so common with girls with asd. I'm going through the process for the second time and I thought my dd would gain insight into what autism was and her anxiety triggers but the child interactive part of the assessment itself is quite brief and not insightful.

Tbh I've learned more about about autistic girls on mumsnet etc.

If there are no learning difficulties, no lack of friends, no huge emotional regulation issues (meltdowns, anxieties), I'm not sure I'd do anything.

No lack of friends, no learning difficulties or issues at school, no meltdowns/outbursts in or out of home, no sleep or eating issues, no special interests, no rigid routines. I know things can present so differently in girls just wondering if there’s anything else I’ve missed or if it’s just her personality.

With girls it's not so much special interests but the intensity of interests. So they could be interested in horses, but they would want to know everything they could about horses and that's then mostly what they want to talk about.

Another thing is social cues - are they able to pick up on body and facial language without being told explicitly what to do or what is being said.

Idioms - for example if you use them, do they take them literally?

Not that I can think of, you can certainly take a wait and see approach. Plenty of us have autistic traits without having anything that needs a diagnosis. Rigid thinking and controlling behaviour after all tends to be rewarded if you're intelligent and can persuade people you're right.

It's a problem when it's causing you to lose friends or it's hurting yourself or others.

Pretty much everything you listed about your daughter, sounds like my son (almost 11). I've wondered if perhaps he is on the spectrum, but then like you I think no, then again another time I wonder etc. Is it just personality or something more? Would exploring it more be helpful for him? I'm not sure.
I have no advice to be honest, just thought I'd reply anyway.

Yes, I think she is pretty adept.

I guess the main area that brings concern is around the noises she hates and how that affects her. And not seeing other kids react in that way.

My two daughters hate noise - the general noise of school wears them out, and loud noises scare them. If the noise is the main concern there are sound therapies, ear defenders. It gets easier as they get older to understand how they feel and how much noise bothers them.

If the noise is making your daughter feel more tired or stressed that can make them reluctant to get stuck in. There are ear buds (flare audio) that can screen unpleasant noises and subtler than ear defenders.

Might be social anxiety