Is this normal for a 3YO?

[concernedsince89]

Morning everyone

I'm a little concerned that my DS who has only just turned 3 is a little behind children his age

There's things that he just doesn't get

For example

• we gave him a duvet to have with him in bed & have explained 10000 x that if he gets cold he can just cover himself with it. (He's now awake as he said he was cold) 🤦🏻‍♀️ the duvet is right next to him

• potty training - I won't even get into it. He just doesn't seem to get it.

• when he's naughty we try to reason with him and explain why he shouldn't do "x y z "but he again doesn't seem to understand simple instructions.
If we stop him from being naughty such as hitting his baby brother he would just scream and scream until everyone hears him

• if for example I try to explain why he should hit his brother as I'm talking to him he'd get distracted in seconds and start talking or doing something else

I'm soo tired of his behaviour and public meltdowns. Every single time I take him out to the shop or the park or soft play it ends up in kicking and screaming. Makes me wonder why I even try to take us for nice days out when he never ever ever seems to appreciate it
He's also a loud crier so when he cries and screams absolutely everyone around us is looking at me as if they're thinking I've done something to him 😭 I have asked DH to take time off work as DS and his behaviour is really getting to me. Where have we gone wrong?

I think you’ve gone wrong by asking strangers on the internet. Go and see your health visitor.

What a strange response on a forum filled with lots of people asking for advice from strangers!

The examples you give don't sound particularly worrying to me - three is still very young and their brains aren't developed enough to think logically and respond appropriately yet. It is an incredibly frustrating age though. But I would also trust your gut instinct if you feel there is a problem and go and speak to someone for advice if your worrying persists.

Fair point, but the NHS provides developmental checks, professional advice and referral to specialist services when required, based on face to face consultations.

The examples you’ve given all
spind very age appropriate to me , but if you are concerned chat to your health visitor.

Yes, absolutely. I just think the OP was looking for some guidance as to whether those types of behaviours were "enough" to contact them about. I agree though that this is exactly what they are there for .

What happens if you return him to bed?

I'd stop engaging in conversation and making your bed an option etc so when he does wake up there's no " reward " so to speak.

None of it sounds particularly abnormal. What punishments do you use? Talking is no good when they kick.off it doesn't register.

The whole brain child is a great book

It explains how their brain works etc xx

All sounds perfectly normal to me, although it sound alike you trying to reason with him, which is not possible at that age. They don't have the communication skills, they don't have empathy or sympathy, toddler's are very self centred. Tackle one thing at a time, start with the hitting. There should be an age appropriate punishment in place for bad behaviour. The naughty step worked well for me but it doesn't for all children. The key thing is consistency and none of this whispering "now we don't hit others do we" and moving on because that kind of parenting does not stop the behaviour.
With regard to the duvet you are probably expecting too much. He needs to wake up cold a few times and you put him back to bed and put the duvet over him so he can see how it works. It may seem basic to you as an adult, but if all he has ever known is a sleeping bag for example, he isn't going to know what this new thing in his bed does regardless of how many times you tell him.

I think this is a rude and unhelpful reply. These boards are full of people wanting to talk things over, suggesting speaking to a health visitor is a good idea, but implying that the OP is wrong for wanting to talk about it is just mean.

From what you have written it all seems very normal for a just turned three year old. Firstly you can not reason with a three year old, and you can't have a long conversation with the majority. You need to use shorter words, remove him from the situation and then ignore bad behaviour and praise good behaviour.
Are you praising good behaviour now, all the little things, if he is nice to his brother, if he says please really big up all the little good things he does.

Do less, if softplay isn't making him happy don't go, go to the park where you can easily leave if his behaviour gets worse.

I'd get some books on toddlers, book a HV appointment and I would keep a diary to see if there were links to his behaviour, (not enough sleep, too long between meals, too much going on etc. Good luck

Thank you so much everyone for your replies and for reassurance.
You are correct the only reason I came on here is that I didn't want to approach the health visitor without getting an idea of what is normal what and what isn't

Thank you for the book suggestions as well I will have a look if I can find them on Amazon

That was kind of my point - health visitors actual job is to advise you on what’s “normal” within the very wide range of “normal”. Mumsnet will give you anecdotes and opinions.

This sounds exactly like my now 3.5 year old. He didn’t potty train until after he was 3 but it went so smoothly compared to when we tried before hand.
Definitely agree with recommendation of getting a book. There’s so many though!