How to raise difficult issue with dd about her health and appearance

[SilverPeacock]

Over the last few days I have realised that 14 year old dd has something not right going on with her back. One shoulder blade protrudes more than the other and there is a curve to her spine I think - possibly scoliosis? I am obviously worried about it and we will need to go to the gp and see a specialist I would assume.

She is beautiful but she so conscious of her looks as many teenagers are. She has her first ‘boyfriend’. So my immediate problem is how to raise it without affecting her self confidence or being able to support her with it. I’m so worried I say the wrong thing but I also have to prepare her for what the doctor might say.

I would raise it with her as a medical issue rather than focussing on the physical aspects. I'd be tempted to tell a white lie & say that when you were her age you needed your spine checked as there were concerns about curvature & you think it's important that she is checked too or she will have backache in future or have trouble with sport or something like that.

Maybe message in a benign way... it's about 'alignment' & 'strength' rather than anything that sounds like its affecting her physical appearance. Also pre-warn the GP that she's sensitive to comments on her appearance?

It’s a real medical issue and needs to be raised as such. I’d be as honest as possible with her, tell you what you suspect, what you’re going to do about it and if it does end up being scoliosis (which by the sound of it is highly likely) there’s things that can be done about it. The quicker you get her seen the quicker something can be done.

14 is a really crucial age in terms of preventing things from getting any worse - it’s typically when girls are growing the fastest, which in turn makes curves worsen quickly. If caught early, things like bracing and scoliosis specific physio can be really useful in terms of stabilising and even lessening things. GPs have massive knowledge gaps re: dealing with scoliosis - insist on a referral to an orthopaedic spinal surgeon as only they are the ones qualified in dealing with it.

My DD was diagnosed at 16, however it likely began around your DD’s age, we just failed to notice it which I will forever feel guilty about. By the time we discovered it she was already too old and the curve was past the stage of bracing so surgery was her only real option. She’s now 3 months post op and surgery was very successful, however if possible it’s something you ideally want to avoid!

I should also add that the parents of scoliosis children UK and Scoliosis UK groups on Facebook are amazing and incredibly helpful re: advice. Would definitely recommend joining

What the others said but also a huge WELL DONE for spotting this so early you are a fab mum.

Thank you all and some good advice. I think ‘alignment’ is a good way of putting it to her and also that there are things that can help. I have been putting sun cream on her so I can say I only noticed then. I will check out the fb group if indeed it is scoliosis which does seem likely.

Clipclop5 I can easily see how it wouldn’t be noticed. Dh had not noticed until I said to him about it and it’s only her wearing strappy tops that I noticed it more clearly. So glad your dds op successful.

Yes - her consultant did say that referrals increase a massive amount in the summer due to kids wearing crop tops, bikinis etc in the heat. We only realised DD had it as she was wearing a backless dress one sunny evening!

Such a worrying time for you SilverPeacock. My heart goes out to you. I've been exactly there and wish I knew then what I now know. Upfront and honest has always been my approach with my two diagnosed teenage DD with a sprinkling of hiding the obvious fear we initially feel inside. There are always lots of options that don't necessarily include surgery. Being introduced to a spinal surgeon at my daughter's very first x-ray appointment was not a pleasant experience for us but we ve come SO far. I wish you all the best. If I can help in any way please just say x x

Thank you Ferny123 that’s very kind of you. She is tomorrow going away for a few days with her friends family so I will make GP appointment for when she comes back and speak to her then and we will just have to go from there.

Agree with others. I’d also keep talking about spine rather than back. Somehow spine seems more medical and less appearance related.

Personally don't think there's much point beating about the bush! If it is scoliosis the GP will say and then you can get going with treatment options. The Adams forward bend is pretty reliable as we now know that very few curves have only a lateral bend most also have a rotational element which this picks up. Her age and particularly date of first period is crucial. Good luck. You will be ok X x

She was bending forward the other day and it was noticeable. I am fairly certain this will be the diagnosis. What treatment options are your dd’s having Ferny if that’s ok to ask?

My girls are both privately braced alongside really good scoliosis specific exercise program. Both of their curves were recommended for NHS bracing but without knowing timeframes for appointments etc and knowing how time crucial this all is we decided to brace them privately. Luckily we have family to help us out financially. They hated it at first but with an estimated chance of 95% of curve progression we really had no choice and like kids do they adjust and accept and very quickly we could see change so we have to keep going. I'll give you some numbers as know when we were first diagnosed I really struggled to compare curves. DD 1 age 13.4yrs thoracic 37° lumbar 30. Rotation 11 and -7. (Rib hump)1 month after periods started. DD 2 11.3yrs single thoracic of 24°. Rotation 10°. no period yet. Their new 24hr out of brace measurements are DD1 th 19 lum 25. Rotation 7 -3. DD2 thoracic 13. Rotation 6. As Im typing these I realise they will look just like sets of numbers but unfortunately it does sound like your daughter had spinal rotation and you ll probably familiarise yourself with all of this in time to come. The best advice we ve had is that scoliosis is NOT life threatening nearly always just cosmetic and that we need to get these children physically strong and active which with two very lazy glued to phones girls has been a huge challenge here!! Any other questions please just ask as I only remember too clearly the initial fear I had. Whereabouts in UK are you? X

Thank you I’m sure I will have to get to grips with all of this. Those numbers do look much better from what I understand. I’m in Edinburgh. Hmm yes getting her active Will be a challenge. What is significance of period start?

All females are still in rapid growth rate for 18 months after first day of first period. Some residual growth up to 24 months. Who knew!! Braces rely on this growth to help straighten spine. I just ask as after initial x-rays we have transferred to a hospital with EOS low radiation machine so worth looking into long term. Obviously this all depends on severity of curve. Most curves are mild and don't require treatment so please don't worry too much. Conscious posture is a very good starting point for everybody x x

Ah ok I see. Thank you again it’s really helpful and reassuring to speak to someone who has been through it.