Hello, I'm new and I hope I can find some useful advise here.
I gave birth 12 days ago, and there is something that has bothered me since Day 1. Five hours after my c-section, the midwife put my healthy baby beside my breast, supported by a breastfeeding pillow, to teach him to breastfeed right away. She then left me alone.
I was still dizzy after losing quite a lot of blood during the c-section, and was nodding for maybe 10 minutes (could be more). When I looked down again, I saw that my baby's nose was completely covered by his upper lip that was pushed upward. He wasn't sucking, but his mouth was latched on my breast and he was sleeping tight.
From my perspective, I saw no opening that would permit him to breathe from his nostrils. As far as I remember, his mouth latched onto my breast, covered by my breast, and maybe this wouldn't allow him to breathe either. I was panicking because he was sleeping deeply and very lethargic afterwards.
When the midwife returned, I told her what happened, but she said I needn't worry, because a baby would turn blue when they could not breathe, and even a first-time mum like me would not miss it (is this true?). The reason why he was lethargic, she said, was because the baby also received the effect of the spinal anesthesia during the c-section. She also said that babies have a flat nose to permit them breathe nevertheless.
My baby always looks healthy and lively afterwards, and the pediatrician that examined him on Day 3 also said he's healthy. However, I still worry a lot about the following:
Is it possible that my baby lacked oxygen when his nose was covered by his upper lip, and it did some damage to his brain cells, even though he did not turn blue? Would I only find out later when he will be older? Is it possible that he might look healthy physically, but the lack of oxygen has taken its toll on his brain that could cause delay in his mental developments?
I keep blaming myself and cannot enjoy him fully. I keep thinking that I gave birth to a healthy baby, but only five hours later I was careless enough to put him in danger and maybe I have ruined his chance.
I told another midwife in the hospital as well as the midwife who does the home visit. Everyone (also my husband and family members) said I needn't worry since my baby is healthy, but I do, since I feel that only I saw what really happened. Besides, I read that some babies died during breastfeeding because of oxygen deprivation. I know I have a lot of intrusive thoughts during pregnancy, so I wonder if this is also one.
Sorry for the long post. Could you please offer your words of wisdom? Thank you!