Developmental delay or unnecessary comparison?

[justmewithmylifetoday]

DS2 is 4 months (nearly 18 weeks) I've had concerns for various reasons (posted twice before) and we are currently dealing with the following: Reflux, x2 tongue tie cut, feeding issues, mild Laryngomalacia and ongoing leg tremors. The leg tremors have settled down alot and are less frequent.

I can't shake a deep down mum instinct feeling that my wonderful little one isn't quite meeting his milestones. But on the other hand also know anxiety is probably intervening in my rational thoughts and also I'm probably overly comparing to DD1. Which upon speaking with friends, they all do the same and can't help it.

My concerns are:

He holds his head up well but it is still a bit wobbly at times. He isn't rolling. Not yet grasping/holding toys/hanging toys on toy bar. His hands are 80% or so fisted with his thumbs in.

Am I being overly comparative and trying to rush things or what can I do to help my little man get there. I work with children so I suppose I'm just so aware of the benefits of early support and would hate to neglect reaching out if it's what we need.

Thoughts?

I'm my experience do not doubt your mum instincts.

I agree. You know him best. A wee visit to the GP may be an idea even if just to set your mind at rest. Hope all is well with him

Maybe ask your GP to take a look? Either they can reassure you, or refer you on to get any help the baby needs. You spend the most time with him, and know him best.

DS also had horrific reflux, tongue tie issues and laryngomalacia (although his was severe and he had surgery at 4 months). I also had concerns over his development but nobody was very concerned. He has a twin so I was constantly comparing him to her and to his big sisters. He did have hearing loss as a baby/toddler due to glue ear and I think that set him back - I wonder if this is worth checking for with your DS. Our ENT consultant said it’s more common in babies with reflux. I think the laryngomlacia set DS back too as he was expending so much energy just on breathing.

Now at 4 he has suspected dyspraxia and apraxia of speech. But he’s clearly intelligent and going to a regular school in September.

Not saying that any of this applies to your DS but I think it’s worth keeping an eye on your DS and eliminating hearing loss, but you may well get fobbed off for a while if he is vaguely meeting milestones as DS was, although possibly covid delayed things for us.

Thanks for all the replies so far. You're probably all right worth going with my instincts and can't harm just asking for advice/guidance. Thanks for sharing your story @Gunpowder DS2 also finds feeding exhausting and is always congested/snuffly so to think about it this must make him quite worn out. Plus don't think any reflux babies like tummy time and he's not going to roll If he's not practicing enough is he.

@Gunpowder will keep hearing loss on the radar. He passed his newborn test fine but will keep it in mind as we go.

Hi I didn’t want to read and run. Please follow your gut instinct and go and get it checked out. My little boy was diagnosed with Global Developmental Delay at 2 years old but Looking back I had my mum instinct kicking in from when he was about 4 months old even though I was told by others not to compare and he was my first child. It could be nothing but it’s worth putting your mind at ease . Good luck xx

@Gunpowder i was just wondering when your little guy started to talk as I think my almost 3 year old may have apraxia of speech(speech therapist mentioned apraxia and dyspraxia rather than GDD which he has been diagnosed with) he too has reflux issues at the very beginning. With the glue ear I think my sons hearing is ok as if i play baby shark on super low on my fon he turns around immediately but maybe it’s worth getting his hearing checked again we did try to get it checked privately twice before when he was 18 months and 24 months. but one of the tests was inconclusive both times as he wasn’t interested in cooperating 🙈 delighted to hear your little guy is going to main stream school this gives me hope! Can I also ask if your son was quiet as a baby I have a 3.5 month old baby girl now and she’s all chat and I noticed my son wasn’t that chatty . Thanks x

I’m actually in the “don’t always trust your mum instincts” camp as anxiety can skew them completely and leave you seeing issues that aren’t really issues. I mean this so kindly as I have had horrible PNA twice, worried endless about everything and I look back now and see that my brain was lying to me. There wasn’t a valid instinct amongst any of my thoughts.

Anyway there really isn’t anything that concerning in my view from what you’ve said. Not rolling at 4 months is perfectly typical. As is fisted hands. Sounds like your DS has good head control. Reflux has probably left it’s mark but that’s to be expected. Leg tremors/clonus is perfectly okay if not associated with high muscle tone.

Hope you’re okay x

Just seen the recent messages thank you all. Update from us, DS is now approaching 6 months (currently 23.5 weeks) he does still concern me but is also changing a lot, plus I know my brain is probably making things 10x more dramatic you’re right @Foreverbaffled.

We have since seen SALT Dysphagia team who gave us thickener for his milk which has worked wonders for his feeding.

He can now roll from back to front (not back again) and head control is better. He can sit in his ikea highchair with the support in. (Yay!)

Things that I’m still watching closely:

• fisted hands often but does grab toys and his bib. Thumb often tucked in when grabbing but does pop out at times.
• he bends and kicks his legs constantly but at other times they seem stiff.
• continues to weight bear on legs really well (very keen to be stood up) but it’s as if his legs just lock into place?
• leg tremors very infrequent now, ankle clonus mainly after he’s stood up otherwise we hardly see it.
• very jittery constantly moving upper body. (think jack sparrow!)

hv might be doing a physio referral but haven’t heard anything. Not sure if he needs it or not.

thoughts?

Yes keep pushing. Get him seen.

I think I would want him seen by a physio atleast. DD is almost exactly the same age, she is my first so I don't have anything to compare to directly although I have worked with children with special needs for many years.

• rolling wise she can roll from back to tummy and does so constantly (and then cries she is stuck!) but only rolls to her right for some reason, she has only rolled from tummy to back once or twice.
• the standing sounds very similar although she won't do it for more than a few sec before buckling at the knees but she wants to stand
• she has times of moving like you describe mostly when tired

The only bit that would really concern me is the fisted hands- none of the babies we see of a similar age have hands fisted very often now although sometimes when tired. Also in my special needs experience that would ring some alarm bells.
However it might just be he is a bit slower developing those skills. DD seems to be slower with 'speech' skills than some of her peers. But she gets there in the end.

I don’t hear any massive concerns but might be worth a physio referral (if financially viable then a one off private one might be an option).

Both my boys have done the stiffening/locking legs thing. Clonus has clearly reduced so that’s really good. He has open hands now so that’s improved too. All sounds really encouraging!

Oh and again both my boys had occasional fisted hands until 7/8 months. As long as can open to grab things it’s not a problem (according to a consultant neurologist we saw).

I had a lot of concerns about my child before age 1. Didn't roll until nearly 9 months, struggled to sit unsupported until 10.5 months, didn't crawl before 12 months, was on late side grabbing toys (5.5 months), made a lot of strange grabbing motions with hands and seemed to go stiff with legs a lot. I was also sleep deprived and googled milestones a lot (despite my better judgement) which fueled my anxiety. He's now nearly 3 and absolutely fine (became clear he was ok in the months after his first birthday). I hope everything turns out OK, and I know it's not easy but try not to let worrying ruin any enjoyment - I look back with some regret at not being able to enjoy it now.

So... I had horrendous PNA and my daughter was prem so the combination of the two made for a really awful year of having her checked for everything. Some things were anxiety, and some things turned out to be an issue. Overall I'm glad I pushed them all through because she got help for those that were an issue.

One strategy I did find useful was to set myself time limits to worry - so e.g. if I was worrying that she wasn't rolling, I told myself that it would be reasonable to leave it until e.g. 1st June, and if she still wasn't/I was still worried then I could speak to a doctor then. Then if I caught myself ruminating on it, I told myself firmly that I wasn't going to think about it until that date. For a few months I literally had the dates listed on the fridge! But it did help sift out what was anxiety from what was genuine concern.

Good luck x

My little girl is 3.5 months and can roll both ways. My son was rolling both ways by 5 months and still didn’t walk until he was 2. I had no concerns really until my son was 14months but looking back I did have concerns when he was a baby but we lived in Dubai and he was seen regularly by a Paediatrician and I was first time mum so I assumed it would be highlighted by them. Go see your GP and put your mind at ease x

Thanks for above replies to recent post we went away for a few days hence delay in replying. Seeing HV in two weeks to see how he's getting on as he will be just over 6 months then. Going to look at physio referral then if no change/progress.

Thank you all for the supportive comments and ideas regarding managing anxiety, really helpful ☺️

@justmewithmylifetoday how did you get on? How’s your little guy doing? X

Hi @FinnsMammy thanks for checking in. DS is now 7.5 months (8 months in 2 weeks) and has made lots of progress. I still have a niggly feeling about his little 'ways' but have been trying to focus on just enjoying him before I'm back at work soon.

Good progress:

Commando crawling
Keen on food
Thickener (carabel) is still helping with milk feeds.

Keeping an eye on:

Can only sit in Ikea highchair with support or Bumbo type seat (See my most recent post on parenting thread I think it was)

Still favours his little fisted hands/thumbs in. But can and does rake at finger food and toys with thumbs out.

Still a wobbly little dude in general. (Upper body)

When we saw HV end of August I said he had made some progress commando crawling so I wasn't as worried about his legs and didn't think physio was necessary at that stage. She said to wait until his 9-12 month development check and see how he was then. (Did tell me to get in touch sooner If needed but tbh my hv isn't much help)

How's ur child now pls reply I also feel some vibrations when he try to stand when I place my hand under palm otherwise he is good he is 5 month old ancle clonus beat reduced as before the vibration mostly I feel in his left leg pls reply

Hi! My lo is nearly 3yo now and is strong, running and jumping! He did continue to have some delayed milestones but caught up. I still think he has a immature nervous system as he can be a bit shaky when he wakes up from sleeping. But he is perfectly fine.

I would contact your gp if you're worried or health visitor who I'm sure will reassure. Thinking of you!

Tnxs for reply I m on the same boat my baby is 5.5 month doing well as per his age but I m just concerned about ancle clonus the frequency has been reduced but I feel some vibrations when he stand in my lap I can feel lower sole has some vibration but when I elict it not showing only sleeping time I can find not always.. when he stand mean try to stand I place my hand on bottom feet than I can feel mostly in left side. I hv one question when your child ankle clonus gone properly.. please and which delay u observed pls reply

@justmewithmylifetoday How's ur child now pls reply
Tnxs for a reply when ur baby ankle clonus gone have u ever feel when ur baby try to stand on your lap you feel any kind of vibration in his sole. My baby is 5.5 month bi feel that when he try to stand on my lap ya push my hand by their legs not like continued vibration but I can feel when it touch
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My baby is 6 months old now when he was 6 week i feel that ankle clonus which is sustained that time but now it reduced alot he had good head control smiling making sound rolling from both sides traking object no issues during birth apgar score 999 but in breach position cesarian delivery. He can bear waight on legs but now i feel some vibrations when he try to stand in my lap or if something push from his legs means panja.. its not sustainable but i can feel. Mostly in left legs right has also but not like left i can elicit only few beats when he is in sleep or not always ..