Health anxiety or poorly toddler - so confused

[Jellybelly56]

Hi all, I have been a long time lurker but have never posted before so apologies if I ramble. Mumsnet has been a great comfort to me since my (now 2 year old) son was born and I am always amazed at how strangers on the internet can have so much care and concern for each other! I currently don’t know whether I do have health anxiety over my toddler or a valid concern so wondered if anyone else had been through similar/had any thoughts. My DH is getting quite frustrated with my endless questioning and it’s becoming all I can think about.

In February my toddler woke up with two lumps on his neck after his nap; clearly I panicked, got onto Google and panicked even more. To cut a long story short, we saw five doctors over the next two weeks; DS was diagnosed with an ear infection, then tonsillitis, then a potential viral rash/penicillin allergy/potential scarlet fever. His rash ended up covering him head to toe like sunburn and took around 3-4 weeks to fully disappear. He never seemed really poorly though, just off his food and a bit gunky.

One GP had also taken pity on me and referred us for an ultrasound on his lymph nodes; we went to one after his rash had gone (in April) and she was as my DH stated ‘reassuringly dismissive’. She thought the nodes looked fine, had all the signs of reactive nodes and wrote to follow up with bloods if it hadn’t gone down in a couple of months. Well, we went back to see the GP to hopefully close it all off (even though the lumps hadn’t gone down) and she actually referred us for blood tests. She said she’d have been happy not to, but it was more for my peace of mind (at this stage I don’t care about coming across like a paranoid mother). We then got the text to book a routine phone appointment…his platelets were elevated (570) and so were his neutrophils (only very slightly). He had had a tummy bug a week before and now has a streaming cold but she referred us on to a ENT consultant to check on his lymph nodes. The consultant was amazing, so patient and given the result of his scan and having a good feel said they were reactive nodes that DS would have well into his teenage years.
He took a look at his bloods but was equally unconcerned. He did however give me a referral to a paediatrician or specific haematologist for kids but clarified this was for my peace of mind, he did not think there was anything wrong with DS; he didn’t want me going out of my mind with worry until I could convince the GP to do a follow up blood test. He said he’d fall off his chair if they found anything.

Now I’m struggling to get an appointment which DH is relaxed about as he thinks several drs now have said DS is fine and we don’t need one. I’m having thoughts like ‘what if the consultant misread the test results, what if the ultrasound didn’t do it properly’ etc. I’m not sure if that’s normal or if I need to accept that I’m now doing it for my own peace of mind-but then again his blood test data did show high platelets? I know they say trust parental instinct but I’m lost if I have health anxiety doing this or if it’s a valid concern. I should add my DS is absolutely thriving, he’s never been so active or eaten so much as he has these past couple of months, he really does love life-another reason the consultant was very much not concerned.

Any thoughts or comments would be very welcome, I’m just so confused. Sorry, this did turn into a bit of a ramble! Thank you to anyone who made it this far. DS is my PFB and I’ve honestly realised that I feel like I’ll never ever live without a worry again now I have him! He is worth it though 🥰

You've got a healthy, thriving child in front of you and a whole load of doctors telling you nothing is wrong but they're happy to prove it with further checks if you want them. For me, all signs here point to health anxiety.

If I were you, I'd do two things:

-speak to your GP about your anxiety and see if there are any resources they can suggest, workbooks, apps etc
-ask your husband to take over liaising with the doctors on the follow up. Tell him you need to have a line drawn under it for sure, but that you think your own anxiety is coming into play so you need him to handle the end of the process.

I'm really glad to hear that your son is OK.

I think maybe you are not in the U.K.? Or if you are this is a private pathway. Many posters here will have experience of the NHS and would not even get access to the number of tests and specialists you’ve seen over this issue. I wonder if the ability to keep seeking further opinions is fuelling your health anxiety?

to me it looks like you’ve had several tests and experts look at your child and decide there is nothing wrong. A raised lymph node is a good thing to be concerned about but if the blood and imaging tests look good it doesn’t seem like this is something to worry about.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I needed to hear this. I know everyone says ‘trust your instinct’ but I feel like my instinct may have gone totally haywire. I am not sure reading medical journals on elevated platelets in elderly males and how that can point to all manner of things helps with my ‘instinct’.
And apologies yes I should have clarified-re: pathway it’s a mix of having an amazing GP that always has appointments for children, even through Covid and living very near to one of the few NHS walk in children’s blood test centres (you can only walk in with GP referral). We are very lucky to have had my husband’s private healthcare kick in for the Ultrasound and ENT consultant; the GP would have referred on the NHS but with a wait as not urgent (which should again tell me something!). But I do agree, access to the tests and specialists is almost a poisoned chalice in my case. I definitely need to do something about my own worries; I do not want to pass it onto him!

I mean, you could, of course just book the follow up and see what they say. But I think you should also reflect on what outcome would satisfy your anxiety. It’s possible that your anxiety makes you feel that an outcome where something is found would make you feel more at ease (in reality only for a split second). You maybe need to think about why a negative/normal finding isn’t satisfying you.

on the subject of reactive nodes, I have several in my neck that I have had since having glandular fever as a teenager. Weirdly, since covid they’ve become less prominent and less reactive, but they have been there for 20 years!

it's not kind to keep dragging your child unnecessarily to doctors for tests that won't tell you anything useful & aren't fun for them.

What do you think having another opinion will achieve? You already are concerned that they have missed something? If he is thriving now it sounds like he just had an unlucky run of illnesses.

It is tough - DS had sepsis when he was little and it took awhile to recover. A temperature still does send me into a slight panic

Yes, I think I’m still adjusting to the vagaries of parenting and children; I very much like to deal in certainty/black or white and the whole ‘oh blood tests can be up or down for toddlers due to all their toddler lurgies’ is quite hard for me to get to grips with! @CaptainBeakyandhisband That’s so interesting to hear of your reactive nodes. I’d never heard of them before which is why I’ve found it all so strange! And @lljkk I do agree for sure which is why I’m now doubting myself. @Quartz2208 I hope your DS is doing well now, that is so scary. It really does put you on edge. The strange thing is I used to be quite pragmatic when he was younger and poorly but this has floored me. I struggled to feel the ‘lightning bolt/rush of love’ when he was born (I spent endless nights trawling MN to see if that was normal) but the positive in this situation is that as soon as his lymph nodes came up I suddenly felt that visceral love and realised that what everyone says is true-it takes time but my god do i feel it now. I wonder if perhaps my obsessing over this is my way of trying to make it up to him for that first year. Gosh sorry I didn’t mean to get so introspective and thank you all again. It amazes me that you will spend time helping and chatting to a stranger for something like this that is likely nothing: it is very kind of you all.

@Jellybelly56 he is a 5ft1 9.5 year old. Who has a terrible habit when ill of plunging downhill very fast before recovering very fast. I have learnt to live with it though