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Original poster

Aunt kissed baby on lips with cold sore

54 replies

Itswindy · 17/04/2022 17:31

I am absolutely beside myself. She never kissed baby before, let alone on the mouth, I have no idea what the hell possessed her. It happened too quickly before I could do anything. Baby is 6 months, I feel so sick and upset. The cold sore was at the crusted over stage.

How bad is this? Is it a given that my baby will be infected? My beautiful perfect baby, I'm crying ;(

OP posts:
DiscoBadgers · 17/04/2022 18:37

@gamerchick actually it really is. Cold sores can be fatal in newborns but not in older babies, and the OP’s baby is 6 months. Neonatal herpes is very, very serious indeed and I was trying to reassure the OP that she doesn’t need to worry about this.

DiscoBadgers · 17/04/2022 18:40

OP, I say this as a mother with health anxiety, to a child with multiple disabilities - STOP. The hysteria will do far more harm to you and your baby than a cold sore will. You haven’t failed, this isn’t the end of the world, and time spent beating yourself up is time wasted.

Breathe. Take a minute. STOP.

Original poster
Itswindy · 17/04/2022 18:53

Thank you all, all the replies are helpful, the ones that validate my feelings, as well as the ones that tell me I'm overreacting.

I kind of want to be overreacting and hopefully nothing happens. Honestly he's not my first child and I've never felt this bad before. I think because with other ailments they just can't be helped so I get on with it.

But for something to so easily have been prevented makes me so mad and makes me so sick. Of course I'd rather my child have cold sores than a terrible illness or disability but the fact it was afflicted by someone else through selfish behaviour would make this so difficult to handle. He's 6 months FFS, why give him a virus for life when you could so easily not do it? Life is hard enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itswindy · 17/04/2022 18:54

@JollyWilloughby were they kissed on the mouth too?

OP posts:
JollyWilloughby · 17/04/2022 18:58

@Itswindy

Yes and in the neonatal period. The whole thing made me feel very ill as I was so anxious.

He was okay though. Thank god.

Original poster
Itswindy · 17/04/2022 19:05

@JollyWilloughby thank you so much. I'm so sorry it happened to you but makes me feel better as right now in my head I feel he has 100% chance of catching it, which clearly isn't the case.

I feel pretty sick about it all and my eldest is playing up as can sense I am upset. So for their sake I just need to get a grip. It's done and too late now. Will have to see what the next few days bring

OP posts:
JollyWilloughby · 17/04/2022 19:13

@Itswindy

Yes he didn’t get ill but I remember feeling so angry too at the offender.

Original poster
Itswindy · 17/04/2022 19:31

@JollyWilloughby sorry one more question. Did you get any advice at the time, is there anything I should be doing now or just wait and see? Usually I'd have popped to the pharmacy to ask, especially as a few people have recommended creams but obviously with Easter weekend that's not easy

OP posts:
Mamabananananana · 17/04/2022 21:05

@ColdSeptember well, not too panic the OP futher , but there seems to be a few people who think OP is panicking due to cosmetic reasons, but actually the herpes virus can make newborns very,very sick and into hospital. And actually:we need to promote this

I hope you sought advice from 111 , Op Flowers

JollyWilloughby · 17/04/2022 21:35

@Itswindy

I didn’t get advice. At 6 months your baby is past the danger stage! Honestly it’s going to be fine.

Original poster
Itswindy · 18/04/2022 09:51

Bumping this in case anyone else has had experience and can provide reassurance. Is it possible that baby will be OK? I barely slept and get upset whenever I look at my baby :(

OP posts:
DiscoBadgers · 19/04/2022 19:05

You need to see the GP about your anxiety OP.

Moochio · 19/04/2022 19:07

Can you phone your health care visitor if you're still concerned?

MarilynValentine · 19/04/2022 19:13

I think about 80 or 90% of the population carry the virus and many never develop sores at all.

A relative with an active cold sore kissed my baby (around the same age as yours) on the head once and I was very, very annoyed. However my DC has never once had a cold sore.

MarilynValentine · 19/04/2022 19:16

(And that was a good few years ago now OP).

Neverreturntoathread · 19/04/2022 19:31

I would send her a message explaining that you are really very upset, and why, and how it links to herpes as she may not know. I would be livid. She may be upset by your message, but your message may stop her doing this to others!! Say you don’t feel able to meet her unless she promises not to kiss the baby.

A crusted cold sore is much less likely to transmit, it’s possible but less likely. So fingers crossed your baby should be ok.

Original poster
Itswindy · 20/04/2022 10:40

Thanks @MarilynValentine that's reassuring.

I spoke to the HV yesterday who was so helpful. Obviously she can't tell me if LO will catch it or not but she helped me have more of a balanced perspective on it, and reassured me that I'm not an awful mother. I think what I struggle with the most is that it happened in front of my eyes and I didn't stop it.

She also advised going to the pharmacy to help me feel more prepared. The pharmacist seemed pretty matter of fact that LO is likely to catch it ;( but at least I know what to look out for and what to do.

My aunt came to drop something off yesterday and put her arms out to take LO from me as soon as she arrived and I made up an excuse and didn't let her hold the baby. I need to talk her about it at some point to make sure she doesn't do it again but thought I best wait until I am less emotional about it all. She's going through a lot healthwise and I need to be careful how I broach the subject. As much as initially I just wanted to go ballistic!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 20/04/2022 10:46

I would be so furious with this woman, and I would definitely tell her why. I wouldn't let her anywhere near my kids.

Abouttimemum · 20/04/2022 10:51

Ah OP totally get it, my DH gets cold sores all the time (he was kissed as a newborn by his father - he was absolutely fine other than getting irritating cold sores regularly for his whole life!)

He is so cautious about it but our DS is 3 now and it’s very hard keeping him away from kissing his dad when he’s got an active sore, although we can explain it to him now.
our little boy was in neonatal and was pretty poorly for the first year of his life as well and has managed not to catch it from his dad.

breathe - it’ll be fine!!

MindPalace · 20/04/2022 11:14

Poor you, OP. It sounds horrible. But do remember:

  • not everyone catches everything, for inexplicable reasons. Eg covid - close family in the same house didn’t get it. So it may not even happen.
  • even if your baby gets it, it’s not absolutely dreadful. Everyone I know with herpes/cold sores leads a perfectly normal life. Yes it’s unpleasant when there’s a flare up, but that’s it. Many people have other issues like this - eg my daughter has a heart problem that comes up about every six months. She lives with it.
  • the cold sore was at a very un infectious stage as others have said.
I am not in any way minimising the issue or your concern, but trying to say please try not to worry too much. Of course with a baby you are going to be super concerned (I was with everything) but when you are ancient like me, it’s easier to take a step back and worry (a bit!) less.

All the best, OP. Xx

Original poster
Itswindy · 21/04/2022 10:22

Thank you so much for the kind responses. @Abouttimemum I'm sorry for your DH, I do worry this is what DD will have to deal with. Not the end of the world of course but such a life long annoyance. Hope your DS stays sore-free. In a way if DD got it from me or DH I would manage to make peace with it more easily, but this woman had no business kissing her on the lips in the first place, so infuriating as it should have been so easily avoided.

Thank you @MindPalace I learnt in CBT that the anxious mind ignores positive information and only retains the negatives. Everything you wrote is very true and I need to focus on this more rather than my worst case scenario

OP posts:
Marther4 · 22/04/2022 13:42

Hope you're ok! I would be so mad. There are plenty of creams

LouLou198 · 22/04/2022 15:22

Aw OP hope you are okay. I completely get this. I was so anxious with my first dd. I once rang my mum in tears because in the middle of the night I dropped my dad's dummy on her face when she was next to me in the Moses basket. I was convinced I had done some damage. Hopefully your little one will be fine, but I do understand the stress and worry you are feeling Flowers

Original poster
Itswindy · 22/04/2022 19:17

Thank you for understanding the stress!
As an update, DD is currently suffering with chicken pox so at least it's given me something else to worry about for the time being. Really hoping she doesn't get a cold sore outbreak on top of it, poor little mite.

OP posts:
Helenahandkart · 22/04/2022 19:57

I don’t know how risky it is when you have an older baby, but I know someone whose newborn died because of neonatal herpes. Be very vigilant for any signs of illness.
Your aunt needs a kick, and some reeducation.
These guys raise awareness of neonatal herpes
www.kittarkafoundation.org
I hope your baby will be ok x

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