Any dentists here that could help?

[ifeelawful]

Honestly, I'm heartbroken- I thought I was doing a good enough job of brushing DS teeth but it appears not. After no dental appointments for 2 years because of covid, I took DS this week and his back molar is "very bad". The other back molar has some signs of "bad" but will be ok and is salvageable with continued cleaning. All other teeth are fine. The dentist had limited English so I what I was told was it was "very bad" but there was nothing he could do for it. He said he could extract it but it wasn't worth it unless it was causing pain (which it isn't) he said to keep it clean and come back in 6 months. DS is 5.

Does that sound right? I've been frantically googling and it seems maybe a crown would help. He said he didn't want to touch the tooth in the appointment because he didn't want to cause pain.
I've since checked the tooth at home (with a torch, and great difficulty) I can't see any discolouration or decay - I THINK the tooth feels different at the back and so I'm assuming the damage is there where I can't see. It doesn't hurt DS at all when I touch it (or at any other time)

Is it normal to just leave a bad tooth for 6 months and wait and see? Is it acceptable for me to ask for a second opinion?

Please be kind, I feel absolutely awful. I know I've let him down but I just want to do the best I can for him now. I'm prepared to pay private if it's needed.

Impossible to say from that information. Get a second opinion (will be much quicker and easier privately) - private kids exam will be under £40.

It’s really easy to get fooled by raisins (middle class chocolate buttons) and ‘no added sugar’ drinks etc. So don’t beat yourself up. See this as an opportunity to be more aware going forwards.

Sometimes if a tooth isn’t causing pain we would delay extraction until child slightly older and more able to cope with treatment. Some just die without significant pain (much more common in kids than adults). GA or sedation wait lists are just not worth bothering with in large areas of the country. So that may have been what the dentist meant.

A ‘crown’ can only be placed on a baby tooth that’s still ‘vital’ or ‘alive’ so may be too far gone.

But still impossible to say without exam so if you’re unsure get a second opinion.

Thank you both, is it acceptable for me to get a second opinion at the same dentist? I've tried another surgery but they're full.

I'm worried about the chance of infection or damage spreading or something like that ..?

How do I access a private consultation for him? I asked the receptionist and she said dentists don't see children privately

And I'm guessing I can't tell if the tooth is vital or alive? It just looks absolutely fine from every angle I can see it, I just assume it's bad from the back where I can't see.

Also, if someone else suggested extradition would that likely be local anaesthetic? For just the back molar (he's calm and quite mature for his age) I'm terrified of the idea of an general

You can ask for a second opinion at the same surgery but may damage the relationship with the dentist - maybe ask if they can call you to explain in more detail and that will put your mind at rest. Very few five year olds could cope with molar extraction under LA - the needle isn’t the issue but young children can’t really tell what is pressure and what is pain so really struggle with extractions.

Buy one of those wee dental sets with a mirror and see if you can see the back teeth any better.
Maybe the enamel isn't good rather than there being a cavity.

I've got a mirror and I've searched all over, I can't see any damage but the dentist said it was so bad the only treatment would be to extract it so I assume it's awful but I just can't see

I've found a buoa place locally that I am considering using for a second opinion

I still can't believe I did this to him.

I'm using sensodyne for kids now and brushing very throughly

If you can't see any discolouration or holes then it can't be that bad.

That's what I hoped but all he kept saying was "bad, very bad"

I didn't t think to ask if he could do a filling or a crown but he essentially said it was so bad the only choice would be extraction. I assume it's decayed right at the very back - I think he said some tooth may have come off but I'm not actually sure, I was so shocked but showing calm for my boy that I don't think I fully processed that part