My 4yo helps himself in the kitchen ?

[mirabelle04]

This might be more of an educative question but I didn't know for sure where that post would fit.

So my son is 4yo and he helps himself in the kitchen. My first parental instinct was to not allow him to. We got into several petty arguments over this. It didn't curb the habit though, as my son is extremely... determined, ahem, and we have a really small kitchen area so that there's no way I can put everything out of his reach.

At meal time things are pretty relaxed. It takes some convincing to have him consider green colored foods are in fact edible, but I wouldn't call him a picky eater. We generally do not mind how much he eats or doesn't eat. He loves a variety of foods. But I'm a little concerned that his snacking is messing with his appetite and meal time schedule.

He often asks for snacks at random hours throughout the day and I usually say no when outside certain time frames. But then he'll go and help himself and I can't catch him in time everytime. So eventually it will be 45min to mealtime and I'll find him happily munching through a whole apple. And then if he doesn't eat much, I can't help but putting 2 and 2 together.

On the other hand, he rarely snatches cookies or similar crap. He will mostly go for the fruit bowl, so at least it's not that bad. But if I don't watch him he can eat his way through several apples, pears and bananas in just half a day !

I'm not sure what to do about it. My husband seems to think it's not that much of a deal and be leaning toward letting him have it. I myself am not overly concerned over some fruit, but I don't like the idea that he would be eating without actually feeling hungry. I also wouldn't want him to get sweets or pour himself juice/milk or whatnot.

I'm wondering if this is just something I'm fixating on or not. If it's not a legitimate health concern, I would rather drop it. I'm 9 months pregnant with his little sister and I don't have much energy or patience to endlessly argue with him over something that isn't serious. What do you think about it ? What would you do ?

Can you make him a small snack box ( small shoe box he can decorate ? ) put apples , tangerines, sunmaid raisin snack box, small pack of crisps/ mini chedders , bread sticks , mini chocolates ( the type you get in boxs of celebrations )
Then a something simalar to keep in the fridge, chicken wing, cubes of cheese, hard boiled egg, carrot sticks , coleslaw, etc .

Obs you don't need all of them and depending how much you put in each box = how long each box is set to last but I would recomend at least two days so he has to learn to save some for the following day/s

The problem with making them ask, is that it's controlling.

Controlling a 4 year-old is part of their parents' job! A 4yo doesn't have the necessary understanding to self-regulate in a whole variety of ways. Failing to control a 4 year-old could easily end in disaster in lots of unpleasant ways.

@AlCalavicci you're not the first one to suggest that idea and I do like the sound of it, but I don't think he's grown enough to manage such long time frames (2 days, a week have been suggested).

As of now, his grasp of time and schedule is still mostly revolving around daily routines. When I tell him "you can't eat now cause we'll be eating lunch soon", it's harder for him to understand than "you'll be having X for snack time" which is just after nap time or school. So if I did give him a snack box, it would most likely be for the half day. At this rate I might just let him help himself through the fruit bowl and maybe, as suggested, try to redirect toward more nutritious options such as cheese, bread, yogurt or eggs mid afternoon, so he doesn't fill up on just fruit.

Sounds like he has a very healthy relationship with food. Basically when he is hungry he eats.

I think rigidly scheduling and controlling food can cause problems down the line.

He's only eating fruit, I really don't see the problem. Sometimes I feel like I live on another planet when I read threads about food on here.

Quite often my kids will ask for a snack while I'm cooking their tea, so I'll tell them the food will be ready in 20 mins, but they can have one apple/satsuma etc while they wait. I don't think fruit fills them up enough to "spoil" their tea.

What really helped me was bringing tea time right forward to 4 o'clock. They then obviously have a snack of some sort at about 6,but I don't worry about that because I know they've already had a proper tea. I guess more of a traditional tea + supper arrangement. But this only worked while I was a SAHM - it wouldn't fit around many out-of-the-house jobs.

@SmellyOldOwls

He's only eating fruit, I really don't see the problem. Sometimes I feel like I live on another planet when I read threads about food on here.

Same.

My teenagers still very rarely take food without asking! Not because I make them ask or would tell them off for just having a snack or anything. They just have never really got out of the habit!

@ViceLikeBlip

Quite often my kids will ask for a snack while I'm cooking their tea, so I'll tell them the food will be ready in 20 mins, but they can have one apple/satsuma etc while they wait. I don't think fruit fills them up enough to "spoil" their tea.

What really helped me was bringing tea time right forward to 4 o'clock. They then obviously have a snack of some sort at about 6,but I don't worry about that because I know they've already had a proper tea. I guess more of a traditional tea + supper arrangement. But this only worked while I was a SAHM - it wouldn't fit around many out-of-the-house jobs.

That's what I'm trying after reading through all the answers, sounds like the best arrangement. I think we're eating dinner too late for him (7pm), so even after a snack at 4:30 he keeps badgering us for food and then come dinner time he doesn't eat.

We're going to move his proper dinner right after school/playground at like 5pm and then he can sit with us for our dinner and snack whatever he wants from the table, but he will have eaten a proper meal prior.

Then if he wants to eat 4 apples in the morning I won't care that much because he usually eats well at lunch anyway.

@SmellyOldOwls @Bagelsandbrie It's not like I'm freaking out about him eating fruit, it's that he will literally eat 2lbs worth of apples within a day and then not eat dinner. I also ask out of concern he might take this habit further and start helping himself to cookies for example.

But I guess it's mostly a case of him getting hungry when the family schedule isn't right for him so I'll try changing that around and hope that will just curb his enthusiasm for fruit because at this rate I'll need to grow a full out orchard behind the house.

An apple 45 minutes before a meal isn't likely to cause a problem with appetite. My dc are 11 and 8 now and I've always allowed pretty much free rein and they are very good at self regulating. The only rule is no snacks once I'm cooking except fruit or veg.

If he's really eating THAT many apples though you probably need to look at keeping him busier. That's a lot of apples and they take quite a long time to eat when you're 4. He's likely bored rather than hungry

My child can help themselves but we insist that they eat something with protein and carbs to fill them up longer. They are always ravenous when home from school, an apple doesn’t cut it. They have boiled egg, wholewheat toast, 2 x fruit and still eat dinner.

Your child sounds hungry!!

The problem with making them ask, is that it's controlling.

What's wrong with controlling a four year old?

@SmellyOldOwls

He's only eating fruit, I really don't see the problem. Sometimes I feel like I live on another planet when I read threads about food on here.

My concern would be that (a) he's eating a lot of it to the detriment of a more balanced diet, and (b) that he's only going for sweet stuff. There's a danger that he becomes over-dependent on sweet things.

Yes I would say 7pm is far too late to be eating their evening meal at that age. My 3 and 5 year old are often wanting to go to bed at that time. We are really pushing it to eat together as a family at 6pm the few times a week we try and do it, and often they don't eat much at that time as they are too tired.

No wonder he is starving and wanting to eat loads of apples during the afternoon if he's having to wait until 7 for his evening meal!

Think you've solved it OP

@liveforsummer He definitely snacks more the less he does. Now is kind of critical because I'm often on my own with him on the week end, weather is shit, and I'm super heavily pregnant, so that's not the same active schedule than summertime with mom always ready to go. But even on pretty active days he will snack quite a lot. And believe me I'm still impressed at the speed at which he can eat a whole apple through and through it's like he's some sort of miniature ogre or something.

@pastabest We're set on trying this. I'm not in the UK though and it sounds like we have quite different cultural habits when it comes to scheduling. Having dinner at 7pm, we're in fact quite early diners ... He comes out of school at 4:45 so there's no way I get him to eat before 5:30/6. That's about the time I would pick him up from daycare if I was still working. He definitely doesn't go to bed anywhere near 7, we tuck him for the night at 8:30 pm and he wakes up at 7:30am. School starts at 8:45. So I feel everything is dragged a bit later here.

@mirabelle04 my 4 year old was the same. he for some reason liked apples and would easily have 2 or 3 apples in one sitting. It did not seem to curb him eating other meals so we just left apples out.