17 yo DD telling me she is a boy, I just can't go along with it...

[pixiecolour]

It all happened so suddenly, no signs at all growing up. She had a hard time growing up, bullied and found school hard. Made friends with a girl who transitioned and convinced her all her problems were because she is actually a boy, she is adamant and wants to transition...I just can't go along with it because I can see through it but this makes me a terrible mum

Have you ever talked to her about gender topics before as theyve been in the news loads over the last few years and its been quite a heated topic.
What makes her think that her feelings point to her being a boy? Will she discuss things with you if you break it down? Like how does she know and how does her friend know what it means to be a different gender, and doesnt she think these are all about stereotypes?
Does she have SEN?

I would keep it light. Tell her that youre ok with her dressing and living how she wants to live, but that you think most of the things that people now say make you a boy or a girl are all about gender stereotypes rather than about what reproductive system she has, which has got nothing to do with masculinity and femininity.
That you understand you might not agree on some issues, but that you hope that you can either discuss this or at the very least come to an agreement and not fall out over it, but that youd encourage her to think carefully and critically about this as theres a hell of a lot of people with regrets out there if they take this too far

Maybe pop onto the feminist board and post this, there are many women going through the same thing.
I don't have much advice I'm afraid as I genuinely have no idea how I would handle this, I would hate to affirm but also don't want to push them away and feel they can't confide or trust in me.

The feminist board will have more info but my approach to all of my DD's quirks has been"that's nice darling" then I don't bring the subject up. You can be neutral on these things. My dd seems to have settled on heterosexual female via a number of other statuses

I say that's nice darling dress how you like but please don't try to use men's or boys toilets or facilities as that will be both dangerous and dirty

I definitely think its best if you encourage them to not take it too seriously. Mine says theyre NB so I do have some experience of what a minefield it is to balance being supportive and kind with not encouraging it, and I concentrate a lot on the "allowing people to have different opinions and beliefs than you and thats ok" in the same way I think id be if they found religion and expected me to believe that too.

So sorry to hear this OP. I really hope it will pass and she will be happier in herself without making any decisions she may regret. The final few years of school can be just horrible, especially if you're in any way different.

I would emphasise to her that school is not forever, and uni/work, etc. will give her more space to be herself and find people she clicks with. She's nearly there but it's so hard to believe it's not forever at that age.

There is a book by Abigail Shrier called "Irreversible Damage" about teenage girls transitioning - perhaps you could have a read of it on the qt?

I also saw a good YouTube video recently by ImWatson (Sinéad Watson, called "Ramblings of a detransitioned woman") where she mentions her experience with her family in a similar enough scenario.

Wishing you both the very best and hoping it will pass, it sounds like you're doing the right thing .