My clumsy boy

[hibijibi15]

Hello people, I'm wondering if anyone can offer advice.
My son will soon be six. He's a joy, great fun, happy chappy but something seems worthy of some attention. He's clumsy, I will give some examples, which may help to pinpoint what is going on. If I'm sat playing with him he could quite easily headbutt me without noticing, I'm on edge when his head is near mine! He's kind of unaware of his body. If I ask him to pick something up he won't see it, and won't follow my direction to where I'm pointing, and is (sorry love) hopeless at finding things.

He cannot listen. I know he's not doing it deliberately. I've been saying for years that it's hard work but everyone just says 'it's normal'. Finally, this morning, the first adult EVER to admit that something is worth looking into, said to me, 'no, it's not normal'. This is his headmistress who told me he knocked a little girl over and didn't even notice, and didn't stop, neither to apologise nor to help her up. Generally he is kind and considerate, he genuinely didn't notice.

But it feels like a breakthrough, finally someone who believes me that there's something a bit 'off'. But what is it!?

It's a nightmare getting them ready for school in the morning, he doesn't make the slightest movement in my favour when I'm helping him to get dressed, even quite the opposite, but never deliberately.
I'm in France, and I don't know who to consult or what to do, where to go from here. I'm just looking for ways to make life a little easier as a single mum to two very lively boys who don't listen, to the extent that it's dangerous, road safety for example.
Thanks in advance :)

Could possibly be dyspraxia.

Dyspraxia fits.

Could also be proprioception (locating your body in space) difficulties

No advice but I'm in the same boat. DS(6) has been assessed for ASD but scored way below the threshold for diagnosis. At the same time, the assessor agreed there was "something".

He is like your DS I that he doesn't listen, doesn't complete tasks, seems to lack common sense. When I speak with other children i always notice how very easy and straightforward it is to communicate with them - with DS I need endless patience. It is tiring, isn't it?

Another one here with a suggestion of potential dyspraxia. It doesn't necessarily have to be that though. All children mature at different rates and children need time to learn to control their bodies, particularly as they have to constantly adjust for growing limbs.

Yes, get a follow up but don't worry too much about it in the meantime.

That's exactly it!! With other kids it gets through so much easier. It's really hard and I feel I'm judged, people offering advice on how to talk to children as if I was lacking in any sense and humanity. Other kids lap it up when I speak to them. When they come out of school my boys run off and play, the others stay by their parents side, and if they call them ONCE just once, they will come back to their parents. I cried secretly one day when I saw a father call his son once and he went straight back to him.

Theory doesn't apply here does it!!

Is your son really lively too? Mine are never still.
They are really ahead in school tho despite all this.

Hope we find out something useful soon!

Thanks just for being out there, so I'm not alone!!

My dd has dyspraxia, get a gp appointment and they can refer you. She sounds similar to your ds at that age

My son has dyspraxia and it was very evident at the time, he’s almost grown out of it now/manages it, but at age 6 I really worried

Martial arts really helped him with balance and physical control

Also, both my boys literally climbed the curtains at that age, whilst other kids would sit quietly doing arts and crafts

I channelled their energy into sports: swimming, karate and football

Was honestly the best thing and worth the time and money

How is he in playgrounds and things like that. Is he bothered by climbing onto equipment or does he say it's too high?

How is he when you're in the car? Well behaved?

In the dark?

CVI can be as you described but also the things above.

Or if there's a hearing problem then that can set balance completely off so an audiology referral to rule that out would be ideal. Has he had his eyes tested?

If they call them ONCE just once, they will come back

I know. There is literally no point me shouting FS's name across a playground - he won't hear it. If I want to say something to him without repeating it, I first have to get his attention, then say "DS, are you listening?" (And...wait). Nod. "I'm going to say something, and then you're going to tell me what I said. Okay?" (And...wait). Nod. Then I can say what I need to say. It's hard fucking work.

He's active, but not startlingly so. There's a lot of jumping, crashing and deliberately walking into things though.

Wow thanks for all these helpful responses. TYOSM-I get you, sometimes, I've just managed to get his attention and in the same moment his lil brother will steam in and grab it back! Flicking heck it's like a continuous electrical buzzing going on here!

Ermmm21 I leave a lamp on at night, I don't think he likes the dark. In the car he's pretty good, it's a relief to drive with them. How would someone CVI typically react to a car journey, just so I know? Heights he's probably somewhere in the middle, quite good coming from a Mummy who caught vertigo from her parents hehe. I'll have to have a closer look to compare with other children. I have wondered about eyesight. The school doctor said his vision was good but from what I have just read about CVI a simple test wouldn't screen this. This could make sense to me.

HOBB may I ask how old yours is now, how old when 'diagnosed' and what can being diagnosed change? Does it help just to know what is going on? I take these boys for so many walks but perhaps that's not enough. It's not enough for me, I would like to walk much further haha. I spend my days trying to tire them out and guess who's tired at the end. I am never physically tired but mentally exhausted I've noticed! Perhaps yes some clubs would be good. I just can't imagine him listening to the instructions!! I'll try. Oops, wrong year for resolutions lol I WILL, when this pandemic does one.

Bjjgirl thanks and how did a diagnosis help? I was really relieved to read all your input, it also tallied with a few of my suspicions, so I felt much better after posting, but then was wondering, once I have confirmation that he is for example dyspraxic, where do I go from there.

SShaw these are very big boys for their age, who knows, could it be simply the fact of growing quickly!

NUTD, BWC, EH, thankyou this all sounds likely to me.
Thankyou all so much for your most helpful input :) Best regards xxx

Read "the out of synch child" book

My boy is now 16

We never had him officially diagnosed/labelled to be fair, we were taking in his older brother in for meeting about his SEN, and youngest one came with me. There was a mix up and after observation and watching DS Walk and move the Ed Psych came to have a chat and said it was immediately very obvious my DS was dyspraxic... but I said ”I’m here for the other child!”. School also said DS had motor skills issues, was put on an IEP

But other than that I never pursued it, as I learned from my older DS that with relatively mild SEN a label does not help much, in itself.

So we just read up about and supported DSs and whilst the oldest still can’t spell (dyslexic amongst other things) and the youngest is still a bit “clumsy” it has not impacted their happiness or achievements as they grew up

I know that in more serious cases more intervention is required, obviously

So keep an eye on how your boy develops and talk with schools, and bear in mind kids develop very differently. A lot of boys are not “ready for school”(ie sitting down most of the day) by age 6