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Children's health

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13 month old - are drs ignoring me or am I being a overly worried mother?

62 replies

mimmlw · 08/11/2020 19:54

So DS is in hospital at the moment but the doctors barely seem to be listening to me. I keep getting comments like 'take it you're a first time mum' and 'babies get poorly'. It's only a handful of nurses that have directly seen him when he's having a particularly bad hour that have showed any understanding.

History - in September we were in Turkey (booked pre-covid) he had a hospital admission as his temp was over 40. We gave him calpol and ibuprofen and it didn't come down. (Covid neg). Hospital suggested IV antibiotics but we were leaving soon so we took him home and was on amoxicillin. He improved after about 10 days and his temp came down.
But he's never been 'right' since. He's gone off solid food, he gets regular fevers that last 1-3 days (but come back shortly after), rashes that pop up and just seems to be extremely susceptible to any kind of infection and it always hits him hard. Every time it happens we've taken him to the hospital/GP and they've always just said 'oh it's something viral we can't really do anything about it but come back if it happens again' and sure enough every time we go back we get the same response and they have never referred for admission because he would be more at risk of catching Covid on the ward. Fair enough his temp always went away but why did it keep happening??

Rewind to 11 days ago he started with his usual symptoms of a temp but this time he had cold like symptoms alongside. Rang drs on day 4 of this not going away for them to say get a covid test or we won't see him. Fair enough, Covid test negative. I then go to see a doctor every day as calpol was becoming less effective and his temperature was spiking higher every day. On day 7 he was prescribed antibiotics for suspected tonsillitis, although no two doctors can agree on whether he actually has it or not. Day 10 I go into hospital with him and I'm sobbing to the doctor that I cannot control his symptoms. I woke him up that day, his temp was near 41 and he was barely responding to me. Sods law that as this dr was seeing him DS decided he was having a good hour so although his temp was still above 38 he was trying to walk about and play. So obviously the Dr is dismissive saying 'take it you're a first time mum' and saying this is normal. I demand to be seen on the children's ward.

The ward see his temp is high and that he has had this temp for 10 days and has already been on antibiotics for 2 days so order a chest xray, blood count, urine culture and blood culture. Everything so far has come back as no cause for concern, apart from his white cell count is high (consistent with infection). He’s also had 2 other blood tests this year where his white count is high due to infection. Whilst admitted, his temp was spiking to 40.5 even whilst medicated, his heart rate ranged from 155-194BPM, high respiratory rate and his O2 stats were fine. He’s clearly unwell, and he’s unable to fight it off.

He’s been discharged after a day and told that they can only do what I can atm in terms of his temperature is stabilised about 70% of the time as we have a good routine of ibuprofen/calpol going, but when it’s wearing off his temp is till spiking above 40. Gave me open access to ring back every time his temperature spikes so they’ll be on call if I do need to rush him in if he goes unresponsive and I need to call back within 48 hours (which will be day 13) and if he still has a temp then he’ll have to be readmitted as clearly the antibiotics aren’t working and they’ll have to investigate further. I already know that the antibiotics aren’t working, we’re on day 3 of the course and he’s getting worse not better. The Calpol is managing symptoms for an issue that is just getting worse and I’m worried how far this is going to go.

I’m worried that he has some kind of problem with his immune system. He is constantly getting infections and when he does he’s struggling to fight them off. I raised this with the doctors already and they said he will need 7 overnight admissions before they’ll even consider it!! He would be close to that already if they had admitted him every time he came in, and he was only admitted this time because I broke down crying that this kept happening and basically demanded a second opinion from the paediatric team. I can’t bear the thought of him just having to carry on like this. He can’t do anything or go anywhere and it seems every other week that we’re being housebound completely (I know we’re in lockdown but I can’t even take him to the shops for fear of him getting chills or even picking up something else!). Like what if this is something really serious like god forbid Leukemia or something along those lines? Would they pick up on it blatantly or could something like that go undetected if they’re not looking for it? (I know this is an unlikely scenario and I am not trying to self diagnose him at all!)

I feel like a neurotic mother (because that’s the way I’ve been treated since September except by a handful of doctors that have actually taken their time with us) but I just know something isn’t right. Symptoms that I know he has (like he is currently really unsteady on his feet falling over - being brushed off because they think that’s just how 13m/olds walk but he is typically a VERY confident walker) are being ignored and doctors that aren’t even taking the time to take his full medical history are just saying things like ‘well kids do get ill’ but not like this they don’t!!

I’m terrified that there’s something seriously wrong and that it’s going to be missed until its too late. This is not my healthy little boy that I had for the first 10-11 months of his life. He won’t even eat solid food - a couple bites here and there on his good days - and has gone completely back onto formula (which is already being monitored by HV) and he just seems to have not grown but he’s still within the ‘normal’ parameters for his age (even though he’s plummeted from 90th centile to 25th). All of this info might not be relevant but I know what my gut feeling is.

If you’ve been through similar - How did you convince med profs to take you seriously? Am I just being neurotic? I know mums net is not the place for medical advice but have any of your LOs had similar symptoms?

I’m sorry if this is really ranty and incoherent, I’m getting to the point I’m crying several times a day because Im so scared and I feel like I should be fighting harder for him but I don’t know what else I can do 😭

OP posts:
CoffeeDay · 08/11/2020 22:36

Have they checked for autoimmune disorders? Lupus is one which can cause unexplained fevers and inflammation, and is sometimes triggered by a viral illness like Epstein Barr/Mono. The immune system is basically attacking itself so antibiotics don't work. However it's rare in children and even rarer in males so it's probably not the first thing to suspect. Although there are various other autoimmune illnesses with wide-ranging symptoms.

If you can afford it, paying for a private specialist is (unfortunately) the best way to get taken seriously. They will run far more tests and take more time to listen to your concerns than a regular hospital of GP where they just need to get patients in and out quickly. Many private doctors are associated with a hospital so they can arrange better care through their personal contacts.

ReggaetonLente · 08/11/2020 23:34

Here OP. www.stlouischildrens.org/conditions-treatments/encephalitis

And look at Reyes Syndrome too. Hopefully both can be ruled out very quickly. It seems unlikely from what you've said. Wishing you both well x

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 09/11/2020 00:03

I can't add to the medical advice you've been given, but I just wanted to add my support. You do NOT sound neurotic or like you're 'first time mum with PFB' AT ALL

You HAVE to be his advocate. You know him. You see everything that's happening to him

Most Drs are brilliant, but some can be very dismissive. You know he's not right, keep pushing!!

Let us know how you get on xx

DappledOliveGroves · 09/11/2020 00:12

Years ago when DD was about 20 months, she had similar - lots of recurrent infections/viruses and temperatures. She had one hospital admission and then it was back and forth to GP. Eventually they did a blood test and it turned out she was severely anaemic, which caused a poor immune system and endless illnesses. She was on iron supplements for a while which sorted it out. Apologies if they've already tested for this but thought may be worth mentioning.

ILoveTeeeeeea · 09/11/2020 00:15

As others have mentioned I would get him to an ENT (privately if that’s at all poss) who can have a proper look in his tiny ears with the correct equipment needed, plus check his tonsils and perhaps more so- his adenoids, coupled with a blood test to check his immune system.

We had a similar experience with constant fevers from 6 months onwards, in and out of GP’s/A&E to discover over 6 months on that there was a severe ear infection/glue ear and permanently infected/enlarged adenoids.

Adenoids taken out and grommets- total game changer.

I hope he’s ok, it’s stressful and worrying, always follow your gut and seek urgent care if you’re worried 💐

ILoveTeeeeeea · 09/11/2020 00:16

And as a PP said, it could also be iron def, especially if he’s not been eating much- that could be contributing x

UniversalHadIt · 09/11/2020 00:32

Same as a few other posters up thread- DS has bronchiolitis at 4 months, and then it was a health horrorshow until he was 2.

Particularly after 12 months when he got tonsillitis, and his health was APPALLING for a year. Endless hospital admissions with uncontrollable temps over 41 and rigors, antibiotics every month for chronic recurrent bacterial tonsillitis, rashes, croup, chest infections, ear infections... And always always he’d end up with awful breathing issues and need nebulising.

I was a newly single mum, working full time, and breastfeeding and I thought I was going to lose my mind with worry about him.

In the end, a few things made a difference:

  • I took him to a private ENT who examined him for ENT issues AND referred us to an NHS paediatrician who tested for obvious immune disorders- all came back clear. But he had a diagnosis - his tonsils looked dreadful even when not infected, so chronic tonsillitis- and there was a suspicion of asthma/allergies at play too.
  • He started on steroid inhalers and reliever inhalers - the second he had a sniffle, he had his relievers 3x a day- the chest infections were quickly a thing of the past.
  • I quarantined him at home for 2 weeks over Christmas when he was really not getting a break from the bugs, and went back to almost a “newborn” routine- no nursery, no visitors. I put him on the highest dose multivitamin my GP could recommend, and I just made him rest as much as possible. Loads of breastfeeding, loads of sleep, long warm baths for both of us- this was a reset for me as much as him.
  • I started him on a low dose daily antihistamine on drs orders in case of underlying allergies.

After that, somehow, we turned a corner and the illnesses really dropped off.... now he’s a healthy 4 year old. We tapered off the antihistamine, but he still has inhalers in winter- asthma aside, he’s lovely, lively, robust, and active.

You have to push for answers though-dont let the doctors make you feel crazy- some did that to me and I look back now and I’m furious. He was ill. Very ill. Often. He once had tonsillitis so bad his throat began to close up- and I was “first time mum” until they took a look and immediately whisked him up for admittance. Then I was “instinctive mum” who “did well to trust her gut”. Hmm

Anyway- it will be okay. Keep pushing the doctors to do what they can. Go private at least for. Consultation if you can afford. And look after yourself too- this is just as gruelling on you, if not more so, than your LO. Flowers

sleepymumm · 09/11/2020 00:45

There is no malaria in Turkey. I had the same thing with DS back in June in Spain with high temp etc but was told to continue with calpol and was given good bacteria drops which helped. I continued using the good bacteria drops when I went again to Turkey in July and didn't have a problem since then. Of course your situation is probably different but babies at your dc's age and my ds's age can pick these parasites up from any surface they touch or any food they have as they aren't used to it.

Hamm87 · 09/11/2020 00:46

Check his ears my ds had the same for a Yr it was ear infections

lilfoxfur · 09/11/2020 01:07

OP this is quite rare so I'm sure it's not this but google 'Stills Disease in children'

I recently watched a tv show called Diagnosis Detectives on BBC1, and there was a lady on it who kept getting fevers, rash and painful joints. She was eventually diagnosed with Stills Disease but the Dr who diagnosed her said this disease was usually seen in children under 2. His symptoms might fit.

I hope you get this solved soon there's nothing worse than your dc being sick

Cinders1234 · 09/11/2020 01:20

Omg bless you, it sounds horrific I bet you are worried sick. I have no advice I just wanted to offer my support and say no way are you being over the top first time mum,
I have two kids and I would have been a nervous wreck if this were any of them!! I bet your barely
Sleeping worrying if his temp spikes in the night etc, I would try to get him tested privately if financially possible, I think it will be money well spent to get to the bottom of it and get him better poor little thing. Best of luck to you both xxx

GemmeFatale · 09/11/2020 06:26

It might be worth talking to PALS at the hospital. They’re not just for complaints and should be able to stop the first time mum comments and ensure the repeated issues are considered as a whole not just each episode individually.

FlibblyFlobblyFloo · 09/11/2020 06:39

Sounds awful. I had a very poorly baby for 10 months from birth. Nobody listened to me. In the end I wrote every single thing down in a clear readable bullet point that could be read quickly. No waffling. Just dates and symptoms and outcomes. I then sent it with a very short covering letter to the practice manager explaining that I wanted to be referred to a proper specialist immediately.

FlibblyFlobblyFloo · 09/11/2020 06:40

Or I would take it further. When it’s all written down clearly it doesn’t look good that nothing being done.

In the meantime is he on a sleep mat that monitors his movement. Might make you sleep a bit better if you know he’s ok.

JMG1234 · 09/11/2020 07:15

Really sorry to hear your situation and I think it sounds like you're doing a great job for him.

Just to reiterate other posts, my son also had pretty much back to back ear infections from 6 months until 2-3 years. He was constantly unwell and screaming in pain. Affected his balance and also his speech (he's been making up for it ever since by speaking far too quickly...). After 12-18 months of "let's monitor this", I changed consultant and they removed his adenoids and inserted grommets. The difference was amazing, he went from being a sickly toddler to a very healthy and robust child overnight, and has been like that ever since.

At the time, I couldn't ever imagine him being a happy healthy child so I wanted to give you hope that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and kids can be constantly ill when they're little but can turn the corner as they get a bit older. Hope you find the answers you're looking for and your son feels better soon.

HappyThursdays · 09/11/2020 11:05

how's he doing today?

mimmlw · 09/11/2020 21:21

Thank you everyone! Hospital wifi is crap so struggling to reply to everyone :(

He's been re-admitted today, temp was high this morning and he's now started with nose bleeds. This is now day 4 of penicillin so they wanted him back in for some more tests. They think there's inflammation round his sinuses. Since he got admitted around 2pm he's had a pretty constant nose bleed but his temp has been a little more stable.

They've redone his blood tests, and they said if his white cell count has gone up they would start him on IV antibiotics, and the nurse came in about an hour ago to administer that so I'm thinking that his white cells have gone up. Nurses wouldn't/couldn't give me any info but said the doctor wanted to speak to me, but then they went on handover and haven't heard anything since (been around 1.5-2 hours now) but been and popped my head into nurses station and kindly asked if we're going to be seen tonight and she said if I need to sleep then do and they'll turn up when they can and it may be that his full blood count isn't back yet.

They've taken him a lot more seriously now and have been admitted overnight at the least. They seem to be testing everything they can think of like his blood clotting, sampled for respiratory viruses and are just going at him with the strongest antibiotics they can apparently.

Getting very sad and watching him be cannulated is up there with the most heartbreaking experiences of my life, but at least they're now listening and trying to find answers!

OP posts:
DressingGownofDoom · 09/11/2020 21:45

Oh bless you OP. Things that wouldn't floor us too badly like tonsillitis and ear infections can be devastating to young children with results like your child's. I hope you get answers soon. I have found (having a child with health issues) that hospital doctors tend to focus more on treating what's in front of them - with good reason as that's their job! But if you can get a referral to a community paediatrician that would be really helpful and reassuring. Ask your GP or health visitor when you're discussing your recent hospital stay with them.

WhoseThatGirl · 09/11/2020 21:54

Hope you both manage to get some sleep tonight and some answers soon.

OhTheRoses · 09/11/2020 21:57

OP if tomorrow comes and there are no answers you must insist upon speaking to the consultant in charge of his care. If he picks up tomorrow and they want to discharge just very calmly say you would love to go home but actually you will not be going anywhere until you have spoken to the consultant paed.

Hope you get a reasonable night.

EatTheHamTina · 09/11/2020 22:19

Glad they are taking you seriously now OP.
Your his mum. You know if something is not right. The whole 'first time mum' think really pisses me off. I can't believe you have been fobbed off so many times. Don't worry about who's toes you step on. You're your sons voice whilst he doesn't have one so stand your ground. Don't leave until you have an answer. This is in no way normal and his little body is constantly fighting fevers. Which is also not normal. When my DS had just turned one he had a fever and they said it was viral. His temp lasted 3 days and I encountered a bitch of a nurse who was really patronising and I stood my ground. It started on the weekend so phoned 111 and they actually sent paramedics out to check him over twice! Sounds like you've encountered some awkward ones.
How do they expect you to even get his one year jabs with constant fevers? We had to wait a few weeks after his fever to get DS's done because he had a fever for 3 days.
Hope you get answers and your DS is on the mend soon. Please his heart Thanks

EatTheHamTina · 09/11/2020 22:21

You're*

EatTheHamTina · 09/11/2020 22:23

I meant bless not please 🤦🏻‍♀️

albazavi · 09/11/2020 22:31

I'm so sorry you are going through this. We had similar with DS1 - i won't go into detail as what he had was so rare. But was fobbed off from the day after he was born until he was 3. It was only when we were seen by the paediatrician that we realised we had been trained to normalise everything by the gp.

Push for a referral to the paediatrician- they can do tests for immunity issues and refer to specialists. And make a list of everything that you think it unusual. We had small things like coughing when swimming and drinking milk, and a funny sounding laugh. These sounded innocuous but were huge flags to the right people.

ForTheLoveOfHalloween · 09/11/2020 22:50

My friends little girl had recurring tonsillitis. Extremely high heart rate, admitted everytime. Talking 20+ times in a year. Was very poorly with it. Didn't gain weigh. Couldn't have surgery to remove them until she weighed over a certain amount.