Wet all day at school

[BuildaClaire]

My son has just started reception this year and has trouble staying dry all day still - he goes through periods of being dry for a while then has lots of accidents for a while. Recently he’s been coming home wet from school most days, and today he was saturated halfway up his jumper and all the way to his socks - meaning he has very sore skin all over his legs and wouldn’t let me touch him when he came home
The teacher never seems to have noticed that he’s wet and they’re not allowed to bring to clothes due to Covid (ridiculous) so he’s sore and stinking and probably freezing all day as I believe they have to have open windows in the classroom and I don’t know what to do any more any advice is appreciated.
We’ve spoke to the doctor who basically wasn’t interested and just told me to make sure he drinks plenty of water and I’ve spoke to the teacher several times who doesn’t really have anything to say just okay she’ll keep telling him to go to toilet.
Any advice I’m getting really upset about it all now and feel powerless 😭

Poor you OP, I'm worried that my daughter will be the same when she starts school next September as we've had a lot of trouble training.
This is totally unacceptable for him to be left like this all day. It's unhygienic and could give him a UTI, and obviously he's already sore. I would escalate it to the headteacher or governors. As he's only 4 they have to be accommodating of his needs. By law he doesn't even need to be in school yet

www.eric.org.uk/healthy-bladders-and-bowels-at-school might be helpful

Is the uniform black? We really struggled to tell when a child was wet in black uniform as there was no colour difference. The biggest give away was either the child verbally telling us they were wet or through seeing a damp patch when they got up/smelling the urine.
Can DS verbalise when he is wet? What are his communication skills like?
Have you tried an alarm which clips onto their underwear and sound when wet?

I’d escalate this.

But, if he’s struggling regularly right now could you use pull ups for a while? Obviously you’d still need him to be able to change his underwear if he wears but it will at least ensure he’s not sat in soaking clothes all day.

School must have spare clothes to change them into. Little children have accidents, often! Will your DS tell the teacher/TA that he’s had an accident? This is unacceptable, to be sent home in soaked clothes, with sore skin - I’d be complaining to HT now!

He’s been out of pull ups since he was 2 and a half and there’s no way I could get him to wear them now he completely refuses the idea not that I really want to make him go back in them anyway,
He’s extremely shy at school we just had his “parents evening” which we were allowed an 8 minute phone call (which wasn’t really enough and we’re not allowed any more time to speak about it but the school have made it clear we couldn’t have any more time) and the teacher said she was thinking of referring him to speech and language because she had never heard him speak until weeks in he finally spoke to her, so he would never tell anyone he’s wet he doesn’t even tell me at home but I usually notice when he needs to go. He tells me he doesn’t notice he’s wet till it’s too late and doesn’t know he needs to go and when he does wet himself he usually changes himself and hides the wet clothes at home if I haven’t noticed :(

And yes it’s dark grey or black trousers I think the teacher never notices because you can’t really see it and he won’t tell her.

The best thing to do is encourage him to say something! It is really important that he knows he can ask for help and wont get into trouble. If necessary teach him a set phrase that you agree with the teacher - even something asking where the spade trousers are. They'll both know why he's asking and focuses on sorting it out. It can be hard to spot when a child has an accident and some childrenare goodat hiding it. I normally spot it from smell but with the windows open it isnt as strong as usual! It is really upsetting that he's uncomfortable and sore but I'd work with the school to find a solution rather than complain.

Some things you could suggest to school that I know have been done for various children at my children's school including one of mine: He could have a little toilet card in his pocket that he could show the teacher when he'd had an accident so he didn't need to speak? Or could he have a bag in the toilet area with spare things/wipes that he could access himself? Does he have to ask before he goes? Mine had permission just to go as he always left it too late.

It will get better eventually!

I'm sorry to hear that OP - it sounds so upsetting for your child and for you.

Because your child is shy and reluctant to speak I wonder if there could be a place for them to have a little set of flashcards (on a key chain in their pocket maybe). They could have a card with a picture of a toilet on it - to show when they need to go, and a card with a pair of trousers on it - to show if they need new trousers. There may be one or two other symbols that would help them.

I agree that you should contact the head or head of year or safeguarding. (If you were to leave your son wet all day the school would certainly see it as a safeguarding issue). You must insist that your child is allowed to take in fresh clothes and is encouraged to change and bag up his old clothes when needed. I would start by telling them the state that he came home in, how cold and sore and smelly he was and how upset you are and then make some constructive suggestions.

I hope things improve.

Thankyou for the advice I’m going to order him some new lighter coloured trousers hopefully that might help them notice🤞🏻
I agree I don’t want to be complaining it’s not really the teachers fault and she does have 20 odd other children to look out for but he is suffering and I think might be struggling to join in even more because of it.
Sadly there’s no chance he would tell the teacher I don’t think even if he had a code phrase or anything he would probably just rather hide it and say he’s fine I think he gets so embarrassed bless him.
I think they can just go to the toilet but he doesn’t even know half the time when he’s done it til he feels wet, or so he says it’s impossible to get a straight answer from him about it.