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Original poster

6 year old with terrible toilet habits **TRIGGER WARNING**

14 replies

nataliesherburn · 20/04/2019 01:40

i am literally at my wits end on what to do with my 6 year old boy. A year ago it came out that a long term friend that watched my son while i was working and her husband had sexually and physically abused my child, and this had been going on since split with his dad for about 8 months. In correspondence with child protection and the police it came out they had been photographing him while he went to the toilet. Untill all this he was getting on fab with the toilet, but since then he doesnt want to sit on the toilet for a poo, he 9 times out of ten does it in his pants, it even got to the stage that he was hiding poo around my house in sweet packets or anything he could find, to hide what he had been doing. We have moved from the town where this couple lived as he was terrified to leave the house, we have been in new village for 7 months, he seems to improve for a few weeks, but then takes 10 steps back and back to him getting himself into hell of messes, He wont go for a poo at school, and this has occasionally made him poorly as he has ended up constipated. i really am at my wits end on what to do , have consulted local doctors and they dont know what to do other then give him lactulose, they dont get that it isnt a case of he cant go, but seems to be terrified to sit on the toilet long enough to do anything, have tried pre occupying his mind by sitting n reading to him on the toilet, letting him take a book or his tablet by himself but nothing seems to work...... i am open to any suggestions anyone can reccomend,

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Alicewond · 20/04/2019 01:47

Has he been for any counselling sessions?

Original poster
nataliesherburn · 20/04/2019 01:49

he does which the school have helped out sorting for him, but doesnt seem to be helping in any way.

OP posts:
custardcreams1 · 20/04/2019 02:05

Sounds awful for your little boy. I can't imagine what he his going through. Iv no advice really I just didn't want to read and run but I have asked MN to get your post edited with a trigger warning.

Hope someone comes along with advice for you Flowers

MamaBearThius · 20/04/2019 20:42

How awful for you both. Your poor little boy must be so scared. Can you stay with him when he needs the toilet? Show him he's safe? I imagine he will need to build his trust in the bathroom

TooMinty · 20/04/2019 20:52

Thanks for you & your son OP

Would he use a potty in a completely different room? His bedroom or in front of the TV?

Samoture · 20/04/2019 21:01

I hope your son is recovering. Flowers I know it's not the same, but you could try the technique for children who are reluctant to use the toilet for sensory reasons?

Go back to pull ups for a while, and when the stress/ anxiety of toileting at all is diminished, try going in a pull up but it has to be in the bathroom. Then going in a pull up while sitting on the loo. Then loosening the pull up and going into it, but over the loo. Then eventually the pull up goes altogether.

Ask for an OT assessment. Our OT has been really helpful with toileting.

Easterbunnynearlyhere · 20/04/2019 21:05

Can he choose new bathroom decor? Dinosaur themed maybe? Unicorn stuff very available atm.. Make it a dc friendly environment.

Widowodiw · 20/04/2019 21:11

How many toilets do you have op? Perhaps if you have two you can decorate one for him, put a lock on (the ones that can be opened from the outside) and tell him this is his toilet . He’s the only one to use it and you will only go in there when he’s at school to clean it or if
He asks you do go in there.

Otherwise I’d say potty in his bedroom for now. Despite everything I would also be talking to him about hygiene and explaining why he needs to use a toilet/ potty.

Mumof1andacat · 20/04/2019 21:16

Might be worth a chat with your gp for referral to camhs (community mental health for children and young people) they will access to people who can really can help including psychotherapists and o.t. depending on where you live Burleson house at Southampton hospital is a fab place for help regarding behaviour with medical issues www.uhs.nhs.uk/OurServices/Childhealth/BursledonHouse/BursledonHouse.aspx

Farmerswifey12 · 20/04/2019 21:22

So sorry to read about what has happened to your son. Cant really offer advice but i didnt want to read and run.

Could you maybe try contacting the NSPCC? They might be able to advise on getting some help

MadeForThis · 20/04/2019 21:43

I've no experience with this but could he need to speak to a different therapist? The one he has may not be right for him?

I'm so sorry for what he has had to go through.

pearldeodorant · 20/04/2019 21:56

I'm so sorry your son has been through this, you too. I would push for a referral to a paediatrician or child psychiatrist, this needs medical help. The services will be stretched but you absolutely need some help with this.

I hope things improve Thanks

Original poster
nataliesherburn · 21/04/2019 00:45

our local Gp to be honest has literally been no help at all, my child protection officer came with us to last appointment and she was less then impressed with him, he doesnt understand no matter how many times i have explained that it isnt that he cant go its that he wont sit on the toilet to do it. we are waiting on referalls the school have done for us one of those is too a paediatrician, but im in lincolnshire n unfortunetly nothing seems to ever happen quickly. I have tried sitting in the toilet with him, we have read stories even watched a movie with him sat on the toilet but he wouldnt do anything, but soon as he leaves hes done it in his pants. We moved from my home town where this couple also resided to a village 20 miles away, hes got a new school, and appears to be doing brilliantly at school, but will not go to the toilet at all at school. By the time he comes out of school u have to rush him home as he will be dying for a wee. He does have big issue with trusting people since this arose, which i completely understand. We only have one bathroom in the house, but he knows he is allowed to lock it, because if he ever did become stuck he doesnt know that we could twist from the out side and he wouldnt be stuck in, and as for a potty, he wont use one, even through toilet training as a toddler he took straight to the toilet.

OP posts:
fudesina · 21/04/2019 08:36

I think you need to change GP's tbh. Is not difficult to understand that his experiences are having a psychological effect on his bowel habits. Going for a poo has a huge psych component to it as it is without all the trauma attached to it.

I would try and find a GP you are comfortable with talking to and go without your son there so he not having the problem highlighted all time. I would ask for a CAMHS referral and not leave without a solid plan of how they intent to support you both through this. A good GP would do this anyway.

Presumably the school nurses have referred to the peads, I would chase the appointment and in the mean time ask the school nurses if they have any advice on how to help. They usually have access to a whole heap of resources and professionals so I would try and build a relationship with them.

Your social worker will be able to apply some pressure somewhere too. That's great they came along to the appointment. Is he still on a child protection plan? Have you had any counselling or support around this?

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