Nearly 3 year old looked into for autism

[LRTR]

My son is 3 on the 20th March and he is now waiting referral to 6 specialists.
He can’t talk, not one word, doesn’t understand what I say to him etc.
My concern is what will they do? He’s always been a late delevoper he was late walking, sitting up, crawling he’s always been behind but I have noticed some things recently. He also doesn’t really like cuddles, he always takes himself off into his room to do his own thing, I try and play with him but he isn’t interested. He won’t eat foods he doesn’t recognise, screams when it’s bath time, I can’t even take him out as he screams and screams violently until we leave. I’m so scared what this will mean for him. He was supposed to start nursery last September, but wasn’t ready, was supposed to start next month but still isn’t ready and we now have so many people to see it’s been put off until September again hopefully he will be ready then. I can’t potty train him as he doesn’t understand a word I say. He cries and walks away when his with other kids, we had our friends 8 month old round yesterday and he cried a bit and then sat in the kitchen until she was gone

I’ve read online that specialist look into this being the parents fault without you knowing. Could I have really caused this? Could I have done this to him? Where did I go wrong? I haven’t stopped crying not knowing what I’ve done. Can anyone give me some advice, has anybody been through this?

I would ask for this to be moved to special needs chat. You will find a lot of kind and helpful people there

Come on, it's really, really not your fault. It's nothing you've done. You won't really know what's wrong with him until he's been assessed. My dgs didn't speak until 3 and a half, (but he did understand what we were saying to him). And small children aren't necessarily sociable either.

I’m not sure what you’ve read there but the specialists certainly aren’t looking for ways to blame you. DS2 is undergoing assessment for autism. He’s seen a paediatrician who can rule out a physical cause for his behaviours. The clinical psychologist will look at the behaviour, and in DSes case observe him at school to see how he interacts. An OT saw him to assess his sensory issues, and we’ve been given a comprehensive report with recommendations to help him manage.

We are waiting for the formal assessment, and so far they’ve all been very helpful. We worried for ages thinking there was something wrong in our parenting, and we could have done better, etc. Truth is we tried it all and none of it made a difference. Nursery were in full agreement with our concerns and the referral process was started.

Please don’t beat yourself up. You won’t have caused this, there’s nothing you have done wrong. The fact you’re so worried shows what a good and caring parent you are. I hope you can get the assessment process started soon and get some answers and support.

I think decades ago, there was a theory that autism was the result of "refrigerator mothers", but this has long since been discounted (the "refrigerator mothers" in these cases were probably autistic themselves). I'm not an expert but I think now autism is thought to be largely genetic with some environmental components, such as certain problems during pregnancy, premature birth and lack of oxygen during labour. None of which would be your fault!

If he is autistic, there are lots of therapies available now that can really bring out your child's potential and help you to connect with him.

I just wanted to say i have a 2 year old who is showing clear signs of austim and its a very scary ,not knowing the future time and i can empathise, i am very emotional at moment, we r just starting process of getting her tested, we r struggling to get her to understand. U will be doing all u can and when he gets seen people can advice how best to look after him.

My ds has been showing clear signs since 13 months - we’re now on the pathway of getting him assessed (portage, paediatricians, salt)

It’s scary and you do feel scrutinised at times, but the way I felt at the beginning was that I hoped it was something I was doing wrong rather than it being a problem with ds - that way it could be easily ‘fixed’

My only advice is to work with the specialists - be as open and honest as you can about everything, overshare if you have to, because that one little thing you feel might not be worth mentioning could be the one thing they need to make a correct diagnosis.

why would you think this is something you've caused? I bet if this was a friend's child you wouldnt be blaming them, would you?

The assessment will involve some attempts to engage your son in play activities. They will be able to assess him by how he responds (or not). They will also ask you a lot of questions. If it helps, make notes of all your concerns and take them along. Hopefully someone will arrange a hearing test for him, unless he has recently had one. If not, you should ask for one.

Have you gone into the nursery and spoken to them about your son? They should be able to put in extra support for him and can apply for an EHCP for him to help fund this.

This isn’t your fault. I understand how it sometimes feels like it is, but I can assure you it’s not.

My 7yo has autism. At your sons age he was non verbal (not a single word), struggled with his behaviour, I couldn’t take him anywhere as he couldn’t cope, never ate much, constantly ran off, lacked any sense of danger and had some major ‘special interests’.

He has come on leaps and bounds in all areas now. He was non verbal until 4 but doesn’t shut up now.

It is a scary time, but if your son doesn’t have autism getting the right support is incredibly important for his future in education etc and this isn’t your fault! In my experience all the professionals that have worked with my DS had been fantastic. Although assessment and diagnosis can take a while they were always supportive.

My youngest does not have autism but she is 3.5 and significantly speech delayed and also has physical delays but she has no obvious red flags for autism so children can just be a little delayed compared to their peers too without it being autism.

Do not blame yourself this is not youelrself. You sound like a brillant mum who is doing the best for your son. My heart goes out to you. It can take time to get a diagnosis. I know its easy to say but try and stay positive. They will get a plan in place for him and things will improve. Do your local council not have a specific nursery for children with additonal needs? Also you need a break do you have friends or family that can help you?