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Original poster

Am I Being a Bad Parent With My Son?

37 replies

MariaRicheim75 · 27/12/2018 22:47

Hi all, I wanted to share this with you because I have a dilemma with my twelve-year-old son. I am English myself but living in the suburbs of Munich, Germany and have five children; two with my first husband; three with my second, including a boy that was only born about a month ago. My concerned son is the second - eldest and ever since he was six years old he has broken his arm six times (including breaking his arm on the first day of school) and one that occurred on the same day as the birth of my youngest child, also breaking three ribs, his big toe, badly spraining his ankle, and receiving quite a serious concussion in addition to the broken arm. Last year he suffered a severe break to his collar bone and suffered from frozen shoulder as a knock-on effect and had to have physiotherapy for five months. He has also broken his ankle and two fingers. A parent from his various sports groups etc. (he plays a LOT of sport) has told me to pay more attention to his actions and to stop being so careless, but his everyday activities are no different to any other boy of his age, such as playing football, rugby or riding his bike. The thing is , I worry every time he plays in a match or goes and rides his bike or plays football with his friends. I don't want to stop him from playing all this sport, since it is where he is at his happiest, but then again, I don't want to have to call for an ambulance for him because he's fallen and broke his leg etc. What is your advice?

OP posts:
sazzle27 · 27/12/2018 22:50

Get him seen by a doctor?
Unusual to break that many bones...
But then it depends how old he is as well - less common for breaks when young..

whiteworld · 27/12/2018 22:51

You’re English? You don’t sound like a native English speaker.

Anyway, I’d get your ds seen by a specialist. Maybe he has brittle bones? Definitely needs to be sorted out. Poor lad. Has no doctor raised this with you, since he’s broken so many bones?

ErictheGuineaPig · 27/12/2018 22:54

That is a LOT of breakages. Have the doctors suggested investigating whether there's an underlying reason? I have similar aged sporty son who's never broken anything.

BatCakes · 27/12/2018 23:25

I would minimise all sporting activities for now and see a doctor about getting to the bottom of this

SouthWestmom · 28/12/2018 00:00

In the last six years your 12 year old has had 14 breaks, a sprain and a severe concussion?

I would get this checked out. I have a very sporty son and we've (for comparison) had one arm in a sling and one mild concussion in the same period.

Egg · 28/12/2018 00:05

I have a sporty 12 year old. No breaks. One mild concussion. In 12 years. Your son needs to see a doctor.

notapizzaeater · 28/12/2018 00:26

That seems a lot of injuries. Has he had blood tests to check for anything underlying ?

BeholdTheNewTablecloth · 28/12/2018 00:45

I am also in Germany. Whilst I don't think you are a Rabenmutter Wink I have to admit that many breaks would be a red flag and am amazed your paediatrician has not referred him to a specialist. Do hospitals not refer multiple breakages to Jugendamt for safeguarding?

jessstan2 · 28/12/2018 00:48

Ask your doctor for a referral to a specialist orthopaedic doctor to check for any underlying disease causing your son's bones to be especially brittle.

I hope there isn't anything, there are children who play a lot of sports and have more breaks than usual. I lived next door to one and there was nothing wrong with him, he's a grown man now pushing forty.

Good luck. Please let us know.

BeekyChitch · 28/12/2018 01:11

That seems like an excessive amount of breaks. Could just be bad luck but I would definitely go to a doctor and ask for more investigations to be done. It may even be something neurological?!

interestingdays · 28/12/2018 01:18

Is he hypermobile

Original poster
MariaRicheim75 · 28/12/2018 08:51

Yes, I am English. However I have lived in Germany since I was 22 years old so perhaps my German has overtaken on my English :)

The hospital did a bone scan last year but they found his bone structure and strength to be perfectly healthy so I don't know what to do...

OP posts:
Atalune · 28/12/2018 08:58

Has he seen an OT? Does he have any issues with his core?

Original poster
MariaRicheim75 · 28/12/2018 09:13

Last year the Jugendamt referred him to a specialist and they did a scan . He doesn't have any issues with his core or any previous injuries that have now healed. It doesn't seem as though what he did to receive the breakages in the first place have been a smaller force than it would take for some children to break the same bone. However as he is still has a broken arm I can bring him for an appointment as he is doing minimum sport at the moment.

It's strange, I'm a doctor myself and I'm used to making decisions on other people but I can't decide for my son!

OP posts:
twattymctwatterson · 28/12/2018 10:08

I find it hard to believe you're a native English speaker

BeholdTheNewTablecloth · 28/12/2018 10:28

She's already explained that. After a decade you do find yourself speaking Denglisch from time to time/syntax can go awry. Don't know what to tell you OP. You can't keep them wrapped in cotton wool/treat with kid gloves but if they have found nothing then all I would suggest is better protective gear and asking son to be more aware of his tackles and landings. As for the other parent...you live in Germany, you must be used to the culture by now! Wink Ignore ignore ignore or push back not forgetting to mention your quaifications.

babysharkah · 28/12/2018 10:43

Why does it matter if she's. It a native English speaker?

Anyway I would be seriously concerned and pushing for further investigations. That is not a normal level of breakages from accidents unless he's a jockey or something. How have these accidents happened?

Original poster
MariaRicheim75 · 28/12/2018 12:50

He first broke his arm on his first day of school falling over in the playground. Pretty much every year after that he's had his arm in plaster for 6-8 weeks whilst playing football, running around, on the trampoline etc. He broke his ankle at the end of his first week at secondary school (they start secondary school at 10 years old in Germany) when they were on a bonding-activity weekend playing 'Aeroball' (like basketball on trampolines) and landing strangely on his foot and getting it stuck in the trampoline springs. He carried on playing the game though and hid his injury. However when he got home he was sitting down and when he got up his foot dislocated. Last year he broke his collar bone playing rugby and falling onto an outstretched arm. Some of the opposition then did a pile-on him which made it worse. And finally, he broke his arm, his big toe, three ribs, sprained his ankle and got a bad concussion racing his friends down a hill on his bike and flew over the handlebars but his foot got trapped in the bike chain and fell onto a police car.

OP posts:
whiteworld · 28/12/2018 18:15

Ouch! Is he very clumsy? The bike riding accident, fair enough, that could cause serious injuries, and the rugby injury - his collar bone acted how it was supposed to. But the others... he's either very unlucky or there is some issue.

But if a bone scan has come back normal, then where do you go? I'd ask your GP to refer him to an orthopaedic specialist. I also agree with talking to him about being safe, and acting responsibly, and playing sports safely, and making sure he's wearing protective gear where necessary, and maybe avoiding sports with a high risk of breaking bones, like rugby.

FuckingHateRain · 28/12/2018 21:09

Has he had a blood test?
Particularly for calcium and b12 levels?

If not I'd seriously ask for one

planespotting · 28/12/2018 21:12
  • You’re English? You don’t sound like a native English speaker. *🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
Original poster
MariaRicheim75 · 29/12/2018 09:14

Hi, I've just had a word with my son about all his breaks and if it could mean something else was going wrong. Since I'm a doctor myself I simply cannot diagnose someone in my own family - I hope you understand my situation. I have called the hospital and they've agreed to arrange an appointment on Sunday next week. My son definitely didn't sound too pleased at going to this appointment ;) but I hope it will settle our thoughts on what could be happening. I will let you know with the results.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 29/12/2018 09:16

What’s with all the twats questions whether someone is an English speaker.

Is this the next level of Brexit?

I’m so annoyed at the casual racism behind that question I can’t even remember why I read this thread.

CherryPavlova · 29/12/2018 09:23

Ask for a referral to paediatric orthopaedics in a specialist centre. There could be a rare underlying condition that has been missed and which should be ruled out. Your average GP/local paediatrician may never have seen some of them.
Even for a sporty child, it’s a lot of broken bones.

Original poster
MariaRicheim75 · 29/12/2018 09:28

If you have a second language that you speak every day, much more than your first language, your first language becomes your second language and writing with it seems harder an comes out not as clear. And why does it matter what languages I speak? I came here asking advice on what to do with my family life, and that's all that I want to get out from this experience. Thank you to the people who gave me advice, not who questioned my nationality.

OP posts: