How do I opt out of health visitor

[BillywigStings]

Who do I write to? My doctors surgery? I have found the visits to be unnecessary and a little invasive, and recently with veiled threats from HV that the nursery will be keeping an eye on my sons progress and reporting back to the health visitor- only because I changed nurseries because his previous nursery was awful! My decision, made for my child’s own welfare, was met with disapproval and I have been badgered with calls about whether he is in nursery again yet, and then for detail of how many sessions, for what hours etc and no mention of whether my son is feeling better and happier at the new nursery, or any interest shown in the things that were going on in the old nursery and how they affected him.

That's awful, I'm sure more experienced people will be coming along shortly x

Is there something missing from your post? Health visitors don't generally show that much interest in nurserys. Have the last nursery said something?

You can request a new one if you've got a rogue HV. I've done that myself.

Why are they so involved? I've seen my health visitor 4 time since dd2 was born (she's almost 3). 1st. Couple of days old. 2nd. 2 weeks old. 4rd 1 year check. 4th 2 year check. Was the same with dd1 who's 8.

Is there a reason why they are so involved? It's not a requirement that children go to nursery either it's completely optional

I know its optional. His last nursery pressured me to ask health visitor on their behalf how to deal with DS when he had a tantrum. The nursery told me (and it aligns with what I know to be the case when DS has a tantrum) that he was throwing toys around and hittting the nursery assistants when they came near. Obviously awful behaviour, but I was surprised at their reaction, especially as he had only ever done it once and even at home these tantrums are only every month or so. They did not attempt to cool the situation down at first (before he started getting violent and trashing the place) but stepped back to ‘see where it was going’. They then evacuated the classroom, moved the whole class away (instead of my child) and had four adults follow him around the class tidying up for twenty minutes until I arrived. I have since spoken to friends who work in nurseries and schools and they said the nursery should have had a plan in place and should not be asking me what to do. To be honest, at the beginning of term I had had an in-depth meeting with nursery key worker detailing exactly what to do in these situations and how to avoid them (despite how they don’t happen often), but as usual keyworker showed inability to take in information and actually carry out instructions that she agreed to. She had failed to follow any of my advice regarding my child, including letting him go on outings on a busy road without holding an adults hand - of course he refused to walk with the group and as he has a history of running into roads they are lucky that’s all that happened.

Ah! Still fuming sorry...

Anyway so we involved health visitor as nursery wanted tips. She sent a behavioural specialist HV who agreed this was strange behaviour on the nurseries part and observed my son for an hour where he displayed good and naughty behaviour, listened to what i had said and agreed he was a normal 3yo boy and the frequency of his tantrums was actually very good.

But she was extremely concerned when I withdrew him from nursery a week later, and as I said, I got all those phone calls from both health visitors who suddenly couldn’t care less about my sons behaviour/wellbeing and only when was he going to be in nursery again!

Okay, picking apart what you say.

If you had a meeting with the nursery at the beginning about handling his behaviour I assume he must have some SEN. Most children have temper tantrums from time to time, so you wouldn't expect to have to talk to them.

Sometimes we as parents with 1-2-1 care of our dc are able to watch and diffuse situations in a way that group care can't. That is one reason why sometimes issues are picked up that parents have just adapted round. I know that I've done that for my dc. So you can say that things trigger tantrums, but they can't necessarily watch your child to totally stop this all the time.

They did not attempt to cool the situation down at first (before he started getting violent and trashing the place) but stepped back to ‘see where it was going’. They then evacuated the classroom, moved the whole class away that I believe is the usual case in schools. It is easier, and less dangerous to remove the other children than try and remove the tantrumming one. One of mine was in reception with a child who used to throw things in a tantrum (including chairs) and they were always evacuated out.
It actually works quite well. She was quite disappointed when he was given a place at a specialist school, as he was quite popular, and they didn't seem to think anything of his temper other than that's what he did.

the nursery should have had a plan in place and should not be asking me what to do It sounds like they did have a plan in place (evacuating the other children) and absolutely should be asking you for your input on how to handle the situation. You've dealt with it before; you've presumably tried by hit and miss to see what works.

I can see why the HV are concerned by the withdrawal from nursery. He has demonstrated potential behavioural issues, and he may need assistance, which would be best putting in place before school if possible. By moving nurseries (although you may be totally correct to do so) you will be slowing the process down. They may also want to coordinate with the new nursery to make sure information is passed on otherwise you are back to square one.

Are they not just trying to find out what childcare setting he us going to next so they can support the setting , your LB and You?

If they have documented anywhere, or have concerns that his behaviour could put others at risk of harm, they will have to follow you/him up.

I think you need to arrange to meet one or both if them so you can discuss this face to face and see if there is a way to work together to make sure his needs are met in the right setting.

Unless of course there are no ongoing behavioural issues and/or you are not placing him in a setting with others.

No other suggestions, it must be really tough on you.

including letting him go on outings on a busy road without holding an adults hand

Well, I'd remove my 3 YO from that setting on that basis alone.

This is about your son getting appropriate care and support. I'd ask the HV to refer you to a specialist paediatrician to assist with diagnosis. Neither HV's nor nursery staff have the skills to do that.

To be honest op if your ds runs in the road and a wholse class has to be evacuated due to his behaviour then these are very serious boundary issuesbindicative of a serious underlying problem.

I'd suggest working with your GP to ensure you are on the correct pathways for diagnosis and clinically informed support plans.

I have literally just done this - simply call up their central office and opt out. I've done this with all my three children after finding visits for my first baby to be completely pointless. I got no benefit from the visits whatsoever and know where to go should I have concerns.

This sounds bizarre OP and I worked as a HV for many years. I rarely if ever knew where children were with regards to nursery unless I happened to bump into a parent who volunteered it. Are they monitoring your child for some reason you haven’t explained because I really cannot see any reason for this from what you’ve posted,

The only time I knew where children went was in cases of safeguarding or where a child had development issues.

You can indeed opt out....just wrote to the community matron for children 0-19. Look up th address for your local health trust and I guarantee it will reach the right person.

However if there are other issues such as safeguarding then you might find an increase in other workers who monitor children. You equally might not, without knowing why this HV is keeping such a close eye I can’t say.

Are you in a small area?

When I worked in a little village I knew most people pretty well.

In a big town with over 1000 children on my caseload I only knew the children where there were known issues,

You can also just say “I will see the GP for any health issues” but be aware that many GPS don’t have experience with child health issues.

A GP described my autistic son as “just a left handed child in a right handed world” ignoring all other red flags for autism.

But delores if hv are involved for other reasons, shouldn't it be transparent? Mine were so hopeless vis the basics I woukdn't have trusted thembwith a clinical issue

Depends on your area how the hvs are in my experience. Best bet is to contact the HV team or children's centre

As far as they're aware, you called them in over a concern and now think you're benefiting from them being in touch. Just say, 'thank you for your reassurance, I know where you are if I have any other worries' then withdraw.
The veiled threat isn't a veiled threat as such, the next point of contact children have with HVs is during nursery, it is routine for all children, just parents rarely know about it.

Why don't parents know about it all. Whoops "Big Brother" just shot out of site.

If there is mandatory surveillance my argument is it should therefore be of 110% quality.

DS has no special needs and no ongoing behavioural problems, it was a one off tantrum (I mean he had had them a handful of times but not on a regular basis). I spoke to the nursery because he had thrown a couple of them over the summer as he had been upset over upheaval in his life - new sibling, hospital stays. I see where you are coming from regarding the nurseries reaction to his behaviour but I am comparing it to how another nursery I have experienced of would react to this sort of tantrum, which is to quickly de escalate the situation and remove the child to another room. HV agreed with me. Nursery shocked me and nearly had me in tears by telling me they had never seen anything like it before. I find that to be an odd thing for a nursery in business more than 10 years. I swear I’m not just defending my child when I say that a tantrum like that is NOT that surprising in kids his age, I know two other three year olds that regularly pull this kind of stunt, and DS only seems to do it every 1-2 months. I have spent the last few months over analysing his every move and talking to parents with kids who are on the spectrum, and DS has NONE of the symptoms. I have only just got to the point where I accept that he is a normal kid who just happens to occasionally have a lot of anger which he can’t process. We are working on it with him.

The health visitor might indeed be wondering about whether monitoring of his behaviour will be slowed down by the change in nurseries, but it doesn’t explain why she had to know the exact days he was in, for how many hours etc and also why there was no concern or questions asked about why we were moving him. When I brought it up, I got as far as ‘We weren’t happy with how things were being done there and he wasn’t happy’ it was brushed off with ‘it was probably just the change of going to that new nursery’ and ’so top priority is to get him into nursery’.

To be perfectly honest I am quite keen on home education, but had put that aside for now and decided to let him attend nursery and then perhaps school depending on how he got on. I also noticed he was a bit of a handful (endless energy, talking non stop) and was glad of an outsiders view on his personality/behaviour in the end. He began nursery at 2 and absolutely no concerns were raised. Moved to this private nursery for two months aged 3 and all fine until the day he had a tantrum and there was talk of behavioural issues. Back to old nursery now and teachers think there’s no grounds for considering behavioural problems.

I wanted to disengage from HV contact and was advised not to because they would be unable to verify my child’s welfare and therefore could refer me to social services because my refusal to engage with them was suspicious.

HOWEVER I really do appreciate all your comments. It has made me think twice - maybe it is beneficial to have HV keeping in touch and monitoring his behaviour etc in case he does somehow have an issue. I do find it concerning how he gets so hysterical and lashes out, however infrequent his tantrums are, it’s just that no one at all that i have spoken to has said that it was anything other than a phase - boys will be boys they say! Which didn’t really make me feel too much better but I have to agree that he doesn’t ever display any concerning behaviour at all except when he has one of these episodes

You don't have to receive Health Visitor visits. You can be out or just not answer the door and if you do, you can say it isn't a convenient time.
I don't remember HVs taking that much interest in me and mine, a couple of visits was all.

I have great respect for the medical profession but always felt that health visitors led a charmed life, swanning in and out when they wanted and making things up as they went along.

My health visitor advised me not to eat cheese when I was breastfeeding (with difficulty), and my baby had colic. I hadn't eaten cheese since I first became pregnant and for a long time after having the baby, much as I usually love it, I went right off it.

Not long after I moved house, my child turned five. A health visitor turned up one morning when I was not at work, I thought it was odd as they usually stop when a child reaches five but I let her in anyway. We chatted a bit then she asked me how my pregnancy was progressing. I told her I was not pregnant. According to her records I was about due to give birth. I was in my dressing gown and as skinny as a rake! That was quite funny. She hadn't checked my name, her notes referred to previous occupants. However, she only had to look at me.

I find health visitors intrusive and unnecessary too. The last time I received a letter notifying me of the time and date the HV was coming to visit I just called up, cancelled the appointment and said I didn’t want it re-booked because I thought it was intrusive. I haven’t heard from them since.

Sometimes you just have to nod, smile and play the game unfortunately. I had one call in for a "welcome" visit when I moved to an new city, which was anything but welcoming. After being grilled for 20mins on various things, it turned out that the Admin assistant at the new GP had failed to log my son's vaccination records, and they thought I'd refused to vaccinate him. I showed her his red book and it was obvious he was up to date. She could have just asked to see it straight off - or asked me about the vaccinations - but didn't.

That being said, she was just doing her job - albeit poorly, and I had nothing to hide. So I smiled and nodded and sent her on her way. Unfortunately (and I speak as someone working in education) refusal to engage always rings alarm bells and smacks of having something to hide - even if there's not. As a professional, it's just not worth the risk to ignore what is potentially such a red flag.

Just cooperate, take any support offered, and be confident in your choices and how much you love your son.

@sar

I thought about the red flag point when I cancelled the HV visit. But I decided not to let that stop me, for the very reason that I have nothing to hide. If my family was ever investigated (and I can’t see why they would), nothing would be found because we’re just a typical loving family. It bothers me that we’re made to feel afraid of the state must let someone into our home unnecessarily because of the fear the state could put a mark against our names.

Ugh unfortunately there are some dickish hv about, not all but too many imo.

Just call your GP surgery and tell them you no longer wish to have involvement with hv service. It's not compulsory.

The one you have is overstepping.

You could also request a new one.

My first was a bloody nightmare! Hypercritical with NO childcare experience - had never even been a babysitter herself and every other sentence started with "the textbooks say..." Because that was the only knowledge she had! I requested a new one and 2nd was bloody brilliant! Really put my mind at ease on several issues and was a fantastic advocate for dd & I on another. She was very experienced with children inc having her own large family.

Personally I wonder about the recruitment protocols for the first one to have got where she did!

It helps a lot to read all the messages, as I personally have a hard time too, with the HV and I was wondering if it's just me, but I absolutely loathe seeing her. She refuses any dialogue, to any question I ask her, she says 'I can't answer that'. So I am supposed to answer her, but when I ask a simple question, like why my baby's poo is dark green, she gives me the national HV helpline number.
Our second visit was meant to be between 12 and 14, she arrived at 13:59 asking 'Am I still on time?' Some people say HVs are overworked, but I honestly don't get it, why is it so hard to weigh babies and to repeat the same advice over and over. I don't think any of it was useful, it just made me panic, for a few months, that my baby could die because of a blanket or anything. It's very frustrating and distressing that they can behave rudely and unwillingly to have a conversation, and just get away with it. I am definitely not going to open the door to her again and next time I will opt out.