DD has so little appetite

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She is 13 and she’s always been a smaller eater compared to her sister but lately she is just not wanting much at all. I’ve been consoling myself with the fact that almost every day she has porridge for breakfast but yesterday she wasn’t even hungry for that (out of Sunday and Monday she had 3 meals in total I think). Today she managed most of her breakfast but tonight I’ve made her some tea (fish finger sandwich - I am trying to come up with things that tempt her) and she said she really wanted to eat it as it tasted and smelled nice but she can only manage one mouthful.
I really don’t know what to do - I feel like seeing a doctor would make it into a Big Deal which might make things worse, and DH just keeps saying she’s always had phases of not eating much, which is true but this seems to have gone on a while now. I’ve tried changing the times of meals, giving her smaller portions, giving her larger portions (based on the idea that if she’s going to leave some she might eat more first - it did actually work for a little while but then stopped). I would love to hear advice from anyone who has experienced this and if there are ways of helping - I feel like it’s a vicious circle as she must get used to eating less.
Aside from her lack of appetite she does seem ok, she’s on the thin end of slim but not scarily so.

Umm massive alarm bells would be ringing for me I'm afraid. This is how anorexia starts.

Is she displaying any interest in the calorific value of food or is it just 'not hungry'?

It does sound worrying. How are her energy levels? Is she very active?

If she is eating so little you really must make a big deal of it and get her to the GP. If there is a physical cause they will need to investigate and it it’s psychological that will need attention too. Either way it is unlikely to go away by itself and in the meantime your daughter is at risk of becoming very unwell and even affecting her future health. You can’t put your head in the sand any longer. I hope you get answers soon, you must be very worried.

I'd be taking her to the GP to rule out any underlying health issues.

That does sound worrying.

So today she's had some porridge, no lunch and one bite of a fishfinger sandwich?

I would be booking a GP appointment ASAP!

Orchid yes I know, that’s been in my mind for a while. However her attitude is consistent with how she’s always been in that she’s never had that much interest in food from an enjoyment point of view (eg going out to a restaurant is never something she’s viewed as a treat, she’s happy to have exactly the same lunch every day) and she’s never once mentioned/looked at nutritional values - she just isn’t hungry.

Don’tknow she’s not a very sporty girl - does PE at school and another activity at the weekend but she’s more musical and also into computer games. She does get tired (we’re working on more sleep but she’s had insomnia in the past) but not lethargic or lacking in energy and doesn’t complain about walking places eg part of her journey to school is approx 1 mile walk.

Thank you both for your comments. To update, she has eaten a bit more since I last posted, so more what I’d call a small meal rather than one mouthful.

Sorry 3 more people have replied while I was responding.

No HeadsDown she has had lunch, sorry to mislead you. Lunch is the one meal that she eats consistently, it seems to be the best time for her.

Thanks to other posters too, I will see what the GP says. I hope I haven’t come across as negligent - I did speak to someone through her primary school about it before and at the time it seemed to be caused by tiredness (as I mentioned she’s had insomnia) but also just that she doesn’t seem to need as much. It’s just got less recently so that was what has made me more concerned.

Thanks again to all anyway.

Does she feel sick at all?
I went through a very bad stage as an older teen where I completely lost my appetite so didn’t eat much at all, no breakfast an apple for lunch then a couple of slices of toast when I got home. It lasted quite a few months and got to the point where I actually COULDNT eat without feeling extremely ill, a vicious cycle.
It came to a head when my mum threatened me with hospital, so I forced myself to eat one cream cracker with cheese spread every couple of hours until it became easier to eat and I gradually got my appetite back.
I still sometimes get into this cycle and have to force myself to nibble on something I really like at regular intervals.
Has she a favourite food? It doesn’t have to be healthy at this point, just something to tease her appetite.

Is she at school during the day? How do you know she's eaten lunch?

I’m afraid rather than tempting her you might have to set clear rules about eating supper around a table with the rest of the family. There’s huge peer pressure from around thirteen for girls to starve themselves. Not necessarily full blown anorexia but a desire to be as beautiful and slender as the most popular girls. Sad but it happens.
Might be worth a trip to GP to have her properly monitored and an independent review.

Why she hasn’t mentioned feeling sick but I think it is a little as you describe (maybe a milder version), her appetite dips when she’s ill, even just a bad cold or anything, and then it’s a struggle to increase it again afterwards. More frequent snacks might be a help to her - thank you.

I’d try a little and often approach as suggested above.

She may eat so little that her stomach can’t handle much.

Up the nutritional and fat content in the small meals.

Maybe a boiled egg mashed with butter for breakfast? Some cubes of cheese mid morning, then lunch as usual.

I’d agree with taking her to the GP, my daughter was like this and has developed full blown anorexia in my plain sight. It’s far to little calories your daughter is having and I agree on setting firm boundaries on meal times.

There is a point when people eat too little for a prolonged time that the brain physically changes, this is where real problems set in mentally.
Does she have regular periods?

She may just have a small appetite but she needs to eat so yes to small but calorific snacks, peanut butter is excellent, full fat yoghurts too and milkshakes.

I’m happy to chat by pm if you have any concerns you don’t want to write here.