Foreskin troubles

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My son has just turned four and has been suffering with an inflammation of the tip of his penis. Yesterday we went to the doctor, and she has referred us to a surgeon at the children's hospital to give their opinion. In the meantime she has told me that we need to clean his penis tip with antibacterial solution and apply antibiotic cream. We need to do this three times a day. She told me we need to pull his foreskin right down and clean it all properly.
Not surprisingly this is agony for my son, and does not want either me or his father going near him to apply ointments/clean his penis tip. The doctor told us we had to do this come what may, even if it meant both of us holding him down. I am not one to normally question doctors instructions and usually follow them to a T, but this seems so brutal to me. This evening he became hysterical when I told him we had to do his "willy treatment" and I didn't have the heart to do it. The poor child will be totally traumatised, it really does seem so cruel. It clearly greatly hurts him.
I am from the UK but not in the UK at the moment, and I just wanted to know how such a problem is treated "at home". Does anyone have experience of another way to deal with this?
Thank you

Wow

I always thought they retract on their own around 6 years old? I thought you should never force it.

I've heard you never move a foreskin on a baby only wipe down
Can he soak in a bath with salts
Poor poor poor thing

Also a lot of countries just circumsize for no reason its cultural not medical it's very brutal
Do you think there's an element of this

My 8yos foreskin doesn’t retract, I can’t imagine how painful it would be to force it

Do NOT force his foreskin down. I actually had to ring the health visitor/school nurse regarding this as I overheard a Mum saying she gets her son to pull his back and clean the head and was mortified I didn't do it, thinking I was doing something I should of been. The health visitor and nurse says they will do it when older and when they have the puberty talk and not to force it down as this then opens up to infection if he is pulling is backwards too. Also asking a parent to pin down their child to do this is surely going to be traumatising for him and barbaric! Of course it will hurt. Poor thing, personally I'd ignore that doctor!!

Thank you so much for your answers.
It does seem to me that it is a cultural thing - in that this is the way it is done here and no one really questions it. And that would fine if it just didn't seem quite so brutal.
I will try the salt baths.

No. No. No. Dont do that at all. Do your best to clean and apply creams without forcing anything. Imaging someone insisting you do this to the hood of a clitoris on a little girl. You wouldn't do it then. It's obviously not right with little one reacting like he is and I'm sorry but if a doctor ever told me to pin down a child to force him to undergo an intrusive and extremely painful procedure numerous times a day I'd be demanding to see another GP.

NO.

Thank you Kidssendingmenuts - I didn't see your answer when I just replied.
That is very good to know about the health visitor's comments - I think we will find "our way" with this, and not the doctor's way. The doctor's way seems so wrong on so many levels, but I was not sure since I have no idea how this problem is treated at home.

Thankyou GiraffeObsessedBaby, we will most certainly changing doctors.
I am so glad you responded like this - and the other posters - because I was getting the impression this evening from those around me where I am that I am making a fuss and being a bit difficult about refusing to do this.

I'm so sorry your little on isn't well and I understand the urge to trust medical professionals, especially when that is the general consensus around you. I am firmly of the belief that in most situations you should trust your gut.

Your story reminded me a lot of my second brother when we were younger. We used to have a school nurse who would instruct the boys to "cough" and my brother refused. They punished him and called my mum in. She told them absolutely not was she setting a precedent with a 4 year old boy that he should let a stranger pull his pants down and instruct him to let them touch him. It's always stuck with me because she got into a lot of trouble with the school and other parents about it but she stood her ground. Obviously it's not as severe as your case but I just think that unless it's an obvious medical necessity with no other options we shouldn't be teaching little kids that they have no control or choices about what happens to their bodies when it's private or painful.

I hope you get some good help and your boy is better soon!!

Mum of sons here. I am not a doctor, and I know as parents we sometimes have to do certain things for good medical reasons we'd rather not, but I agree with PPs that this seems all wrong. He'll be tensing up now too in anticipation of pain, poor little chap. The best way in my experience is, as others have recommended, a nice long soak in the bath while he relaxes and plays. He's a little young yet perhaps, but encouraging him to clean his own with your guidance and support early on, is also usually the best way forward. It will allow him to feel in control, and he will know what feels comfortable or not. Loose cotton underwear, loose shorts/trousers, and letting him run around in private without anything on as much as possible to get fresh air to it, especially if you are somewhere hot and humid. I'm sorry OP, this sounds distressing for all of you. I hope he's feeling better soon.

I wouldn't force it down it either. I was told by the health visitor it'll pull back when they're old enough to do it themselves. I would just bath him as normal and get him to apply the cream under your supervision. My son likes putting his own sudocrem on so I just tell him what to do. Poor little thing bless him.

Don’t force it down. Maybe try and get him to apply the cream himself but I wouldn’t worry about him pulling it back or anything. Try the nhs website for advice, I’m sure this is a common problem and certainly doesn’t require surgery in most cases.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/balanitis/

DS1 is 9 and has phimosis, he cannot retract his foreskin at all. I’ve been told to leave it alone and it will probably relieve itself when he’s a teenager. He sometimes gets a little sore but he has a steroid cream to use when that happens. He applies it himself and uses a ear bud to rub it in.

You definitely should not force it back! Phimosis can be really painful and as boys get older they’re too embarrassed to tell their mum. Friends DS suffered for years before he finally confided in his mum and got referred to hospital for circumcision. Hopefully your DS won’t need that. You will do damage if you keep forcing it back though!

Thank you for your messages. I shall stick to my gut feeling and stand my ground (I feel greatly emboldened by your messages).
GiraffeObsessedBaby - your mum's story makes me feel heaps better in this "battle".

Ah OP I'm glad. I've got a little boy myself and it's hard I think sometimes being a woman and leaning the Male experience to make sure that you look after them the best that you can. As it is undoubtedly for dads and daughters!

You're obviously doing everything you can to look after your son the best you can. Just trust your instincts! =]

Just to add OP, avoid bubble bath and soap at the moment, as these will irritate it further.

Argh! Do not force it back. That can cause way more trouble. Once the redness has settled down, a steroid cream will sometimes help loosen it up, if needed. At least, that's what our local surgeons always try first.

No. Flucidin cream and a mild steroid cream. No forcing back at all. DS grew out I problems with the creams.

My son (aged 1) has phimosis and suffers from balanatis (swelling at tip) on and off. He was referred to a consultant with regards to circumcision. The consultant said it was not needed, and over time the foreskin will retract (little boys playing will help with this), but to help with stopping the swelling from occurring we should pull it a tiny bit forward whilst he is in the bath, to help water get inside the foreskin to clean it.

My son had recurring ballanitis. We never tried to retract the foreskin, it would have been agony. He had a circumcision aged 7 and has had no issues since.

Thank you everyone!
Things are much better! We completely abandoned the first doctor's orders, and I took him to see another (private) one. This doctor told us that since my son's penis is so inflamed, pulling back the foreskin in the way that had been suggested by the first doctor made him (the doctor) want to scream on my son's behalf. He said that since it is so inflamed my son does need the antbiotic cream, but to let my son do it himself because he can then judge how much it hurts (and is in total control of the procedure). My son is now very proudly telling everyone he speaks to that he has to put medicines on his own willy because it is inflamed.
We will go in a few weeks to see a surgeon, who by all accounts is apparently very gentle, to see what they think. But this doctor thinks circumcision is not needed and suggested steroid creams.
So all good news!
Thank you all so much because I would never have stood my ground so firmly and gone to consult another doctor without your advice.