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Am I over reacting?????

11 replies

aclsmd · 25/06/2018 21:50

I'd like everyone's honest input on this, it's a lot to read.
I was 15 when I met my daughters dad and he was 19, he was very controlling. I got pregnant at 16 and gave birth at 17. We split shortly after as he went full psycho and smashed my windows. I then was diagnosed with post natal depression where I actually didn't look after my daughter for 6 months until I saw sense. He still tries to say I'm insane now, tells me he's over paying me money for our daughter (which he is not). He use to bully me into letting him have her 3 nights a week ( we agreed on 2 ) and he then started claiming benefits for her (which he denies) he's pulled some pretty shitty stunts and I can't take it anymore

  • he's told me to get an STI check on my daughter as he got ghonnarea himself and apparently she may have caught it while sharing a bath with him, he told me he smelt her parts and they smelled funny so I need to go to the doctors
  • he told me there was white stuff in her vagina that wasn't normal so again we need to get a STI check (it was nappy rash cream)
  • she comes back with nappy rash every single time from his house (I put this down to him using a size small nappies for her) but it is red raw around her inner and outer lips
  • she doesn't get naked in front of anyone but me
  • she refuses baths, she's in absolute hysterics when we try
  • she won't even go near men
  • most recently she's scared to get in her bed

Is this behaviour normal for a just turned 2 year old????? Me and her father don't see eye to eye but we've kept things civil for her sake however when we had an argument regarding sleeping arrangements at his house it raised concern. I have been telling him since we split BUY A COT GET HER HER OWN ROOM!!! There's nothing wrong with the occasional cosleeping, but she was in his bed every night while at his, he never bothered to get her a bed or anything which I saw as unhealthy. So I said she's not staying over until she gets a bed and he got her one eventually but gave me a lot of grief over it he brought up me being mental and sent me a few texts asking me not to harm her and he's worried, trying to make me out to be the bad one as per. But he harasses my phone very often at least 30 calls if not more so my sister had answered to tell him to stop basically and he said to her im mental and it's not like he's doing anything while she's in his bed???????? Which has put a little worry in my head I'm not gonna lie and my sister agrees he is very very strange! He cheated on me a lot, with younger girls one girl was 15... am I over reacting here????? Is it time to get some sort of help😩
I'd never forgive myself if I was overlooking it? And I can't exactly ask him if anything's going on because it would literally be ww3!

OP posts:
Summer1986 · 25/06/2018 21:59

I didn't want to read and run.
I'm not yet a parent but for me this would be worrying. Especially the comments about getting your child an STI check her reaction to trying to bathe her.
Hopefully someone will be a long to advise further but I think you need to consult a health professional, perhaps your health visitor.

Dontknowwhatimdoing · 25/06/2018 22:00

I'd be worried too in your situation. I would stop contact, if at all possible?

StarUtopia · 25/06/2018 22:02

:( Trust your instinct. No this isn't normal for a 2 year old.

Please seek some help/advice asap. GP and health visitor would be a great start. Personally I wouldn't be sending my child to an environment which isn't safe (and this doesn't sound like it is).

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 25/06/2018 22:03

I would ring social services for advice.
None of this sounds right /appropriate care of your dd. She may be at risk of abuse.
Stop contact until judge tells you otherwise.

Itchytights · 25/06/2018 22:11

Please do seek professional advice- Gp/ Health Visitor/ Social worker etc ASAP

Do not let her go there. As a Mother if you feel it isn’t right, don’t send her. Protect her and keep her safe.

Stop contact as pp said.

This is very worrying. Trust your instincts.

celticmissey · 25/06/2018 22:23

Don't let your child have Any contact with him.Speak with your Health Visitor and GP first thing tomorrow morning.your daughter needs to be checked medically asap. The comments made about an STI are very concerning as is his pre occupation re her vagina. I work in child protection - the behaviour change in your daughter re men and bedtime can be indicative of sexual abuse. I don't want to worry you unecessarily as this may not be the case but this needs checking and she must be kept safe. The GP and health visitor will contact Social Services so don't be afraid to share with them the information you have shared here.it shows you are being protective and putting your daughter's safety first. Gut feelings tend to be correct.

aclsmd · 25/06/2018 23:04

Guys I don't have the proof any more of the sti thing😩😩😩😩😩 I can't find it in my chats because I've recently got a new phone!!! Gonna try an iCloud search tomorrow! I only wish they could listen to phone calls of it all! What if I can't find the conversation of him saying I need to get her checked???? Then they could say I'm making it up couldn't they?

OP posts:
Mummyoftwo91 · 25/06/2018 23:07

Didn't want to read and run but something about what you've said isn't right. Stop contact and keep her safe untill you get to the bottom of it

octoberfarm · 26/06/2018 00:26

Even if you can't find proof, it's important you flag it to Social Services so that they can advise and they have it on record moving forward. I would call them, and/or the NSPCC hotline (0808 800 5000), and they should be able to give you advice on what to do next. If it were my little one (I have a two year old too) I'd be feeling the same way as you - the STI check thing is really odd, especially. If you call sooner rather than later, you can hopefully get it investigated prior to her having to go again. Good luck Thanks

Summer1986 · 26/06/2018 12:07

Hope you have managed to get some professional help and advice OP

Itchytights · 26/06/2018 21:16

They won’t think you are making it up.

Please, please speak to a professional about this. Tell them what you have told us.

Your post to me is very concerning and I do not mean to alarm you but in my job I teach child protection and the behaviours that your child is displaying and the fear of men may be indicative of sexual abuse as a pp has said already.

Do not allow your child to be alone with this man and seek professional advice. Your child needs to be checked medically.

Please do not be afraid- just tell them what you have told us.

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