Would you be worried? Am i over thinking things?!

[Bigkingdom]

My dp doesn’t seem to be concerned but i am a complete worrier, esp over the health of my children due to losing my first child to a rare disease.

My 2 year old daughter has been complaining of a bellyache almost daily for a couple of months now, she suffered in the past with constipation and is on movicol to help with this. She hasn’t had movicol for a couple of weeks as since a stomach bug and a course of antibiotics for a throat infection she has been having loose stools.

She is still complaining of a bellyache. I have been back to the GP numerous times with her, seen 3 different GPs. The last one sent her for bloods which came back ok (full blood count, liver function and C-reactive protein), however i am still concerned, esp as a couple of days ago i noticed a small red dot on her ear, looks like a blood spot dp said. So i googled again and now i’m even more concerned. I am worrying nyself sick and making myself ill with all this.

Would you be concerned about an ongoing bellyache and now this blood spot on her ear? I don’t knkw what to do anymore.

She has no fever.
No severe pain.
No sign of distress or being seriously ill.
You can't have bloods drawn from your child every week to prove they're ok.
You need treatment.
I get it. I really do. My first was VERY ill as a toddler. I also have anxiety and depression anyway. HIV, breast cancer, tumour of the spine. All mad and utterly bonkers things I thought at one point I might actually have. Batshit. Totally batshit.
Make the appointment. About the anxiety.
For now. No google. Distraction. Keep constructively busy but also plan in some chilled time. Watch a film or have a bath. Chat to someone.
I'm not medically trained. But I know this can get better. Not without help though.

Thanks wolfie, it does help when you put it like that but i know i need professional help to get over this anxiety. Its only recently got so bad and i have no idea why, although my depression is creeping back in so i guess thats not helping! I want to get better for my family, i’m trying so hard not to let them witness my health anxiety but i imagine thats too late now.

My children occasionally got these little blood spots on the delicate parts of the ear. They really worried me, but over the (many!) years I realised they were either a result of a minor bump to the ear, or a strange symptom of an ear infection brewing. But definitely they had them. I remember doing the glass test at weird angles, worrying that I'd break the glass and give them a head injury to add to my woes. But i know the spots didn't fade under the glass. There were like teeny little bruises, sometimes in little clusters of a few.
Also, at the height of summer, could be a midge bite. Could even be headlice, they do sometimes leave little spots around the hairline.

You can't change how you have felt. You can change how you feel and behave in the future. But you need help.
I was badly depressed. DS in particular was very worried about me. But I recovered and he understands and it's fine.

Not much of an update but we went to the doctor on Tuesday, again the doctor checked her over, looked at the red spot on her ear and said she wasn’t worried. She did pick up on my anxiety and said she completely understands as i have lost a child before. She has referred dd for an ultrasound of her abdomen and sent off a sample of her stools for testing.

Have you tried emdr therapy? In this you don’t have to talk for hours about it - it’s about making your brain work and try and process. I’d really recommend it for trauma.

What was the rare disease your child died of? I’m so sorry for your loss btw and it is of course totally normal to be feeling and acting like you are after this.

I’ve found being really objective as to health matters helps. Go online and google the a and e triage system they use for children. This will help you assess with an acute illness - fever etc how serious it is. You can then have confidence in your assessment of their illness next to a drs (eg if dr says it’s ok and there’s no red or amber signs then it is and you can relax), but if dr says it’s ok but you know there’s a red sign present you know to go back and press.
For rare longer term diseases - you have to rationale that these are just that - rare. Therefore statistically for example bruises on a child are 99 in 100 times just bruises but 1 in 100 times a sign of cancer.
I ask what the rare disease was in your child as I’d want to understand if it Put my other children at higher risk of getting it, or anything other rare disease. If it did, then this would be an exemption to the rare diseases are rare rule and you SHOULD be being more cautious with them.

On the tummy ache in question have you considered worms?

The red dot looks like my children get when they catch themselves with their sharp nails

BUT I also ask what happened with your other child to understand the role of your instinct in what happened. Mothers instinct is usually spot on. Anxiety can interfere a bit with that though and also spot on instinct can be labeled as anxiety when actually the Mum is right. Did you suspect something was wrong with your child that died or did it completely blindside you? The answer to that question will impact how much trust you have in your own instinct now.

You need to explain just how anxious you are and seek treatment for that. No matter what the tests say there will always be something that worries you otherwise.

But Wolfie - sometimes it’s not anxiety - sometimes the kid is actually sick.

Perhaps this rare illness has a genetic link or similar?

All I’m saying is yes she needs to work on her anxiety but not loose her mothering instinct although but just making her dismiss her thoughts as anxiety each time. The trick is to work out what is over anxious and what is appropriate in the circumstances like I tried to explain above. Sometimes blood tests will be warranted. Sometimes the op maybe worrying over nothing. She’s got to learn to reset her judgement making skills back to normal.

For someone with health anxiety they can't just do that. It requires professional help.

Yes agreed wolfie - that’s why I recommended emdr
But health anxiety aside - her daughter could still be ill - you can’t just say ‘no amount of tests would reassure you - the issue is you’.

For context my child had a very serious rare illness. Recovered then got ill again with something different - I was repeatedly dismissed by doctors who assumed it was all in my head as result of anxiety. It wasn’t. Yes I was ‘over anxious’ at times and traumatised by what had happened first time bit I was 100% appropriately anxious and right she was ill the second time. The damage of not being believed was massive for me - and for my child who didn’t get the treatment she needed whilst all her very real symptoms were just dismissed as my health anxiety.

Hence, I hate people dismissing illness as health anxiety. Yes the op needs trauma treatment, but also get her child needs appropriate assessment and treatment for her symptoms. I think a blood test sounded reasonable in the circumstances actually.

I never said no tests should be done.
But if the underlying issue is anxiety then they don't tackle that. I'm guessing you've never suffered from health anxiety?

Wolfie - read my posts. I’ve suffered from ptsd/anxiety after my child was seriously ill. BUT they were also again very ill after this initial illness /during the time I was maybe over anxious about things. Hence it’s important to be objective and treat both the child’s symptoms and the mums underlying fears if they are disproportionate to the child’s symptoms. You can’t just say the underlying cause of the daughters tummy aches are the op’s anxiousness though.

Sorry for the late reply.

My first child died from a rare epilepsy Early Myoclonic encephalopathy, he wasn’t right from birth such as not feeding, vomiting, grunting, barely woke up but i was dismissed as a young first time anxious mum. It wasn’t until he was 4 days old and started jerking that i was finally listened to and he was rushed to NICU. He was brain damaged, blind and death. He died at 4 months.

I haven’t tried emdr therapy but i will look into that.

Apples. You appear not to be reading my posts! I never said they were.

Yes look into emdr
I’m so sorry - what an awful time you must have been through
Do consider worms for the tummy ache - it’s a simple medicine you can get from boots without a prescription.

Do you think it could be overflow diarrhoea from the constipation? That often gives bellyache.

Given has has constipation before ho back on movicol. Loose poo can still mean constipation. and also try probiotics e.g. probiotics powder you can mix in a drink.