I was wondering if anyone had any experience or thoughts on explaining no contact with grand parents to children?
I won't go in to all the details (there are lots) but basically we have no contact with my in laws due MIL having narcissistic personality disorder. We still have a good relationship with all the rest of my DH family (they also have no contact) just not MIL and FIL.
This has been for about six years, since my DC1 was around 15 months. He doesn't remember them. They have never met my DC2 but are aware of her. We didn't actually instigate a no contact but decided to leave it in their hands. In all this time they have made no attempt to see or enquire after the kids, although they have made plenty of noise to who ever that will listen that we are keeping them from them. I never thought I would be in this position, family means a lot and I struggle with the fact that my children dont know one set of grandparents. We fought for a very long time to preserve some sort of relationship but it just became impossibly toxic and caused nothing but hurt. My DH has since made the decision that even if they were to contact us he would prevent them seeing the kids as he doesn't want them exposed to the emotional abuse that he suffered.
So my dilemma is not so much the decision, but how to explain it to the kids. We decided we would wait until they ask and then discuss it but they haven't asked. DC1 is now 7 and I feel that not disclosing is starting to turn in to a lie which I don't want. But I'm not sure what to say. I could tell them the truth, but that feels wrong. I hate seeing children in the middle of arguments between adults and think telling them "your grandparents don't want to see you" can only hurt the child. "They live too far away" won't wash and is a lie. I thought about saying they made daddy feel sad but there still a bit of me, despite all the hurt they've caused, that doesn't want to deliberately turn my kids against them, that's what she would do. Who knows what will happen in the future. My kids may choose to contact them when they are older and I wouldn't stop that but I also feeel I have to protect them as my MIL is a very manipulative nasty person so I wouldn't want them going in blind if you know what I mean.
I'm just very confused as to the best way to approach it. It's a crappy situation that I can't really rose tint but I don't want to make it worse. Or am I just really over thinking it? (I have been told I do that 😂)
I haven't really had a similar situation to deal with before, we are a very close family in all other aspects, so would be grateful for any thoughts, particularly from anyone who has experienced something similar.