Overweight 14yr old son

[jonesjen]

I am sorry if i am in the wrong place or do something wrong because i have never posted before.
My 14 year old son is a very active child loves football and plays it multiple times a week. He has always been broad but never fat. We recently went on holiday and i was really surprised to see that my sons body was large. He had padded nipples or 'moobs' that where saggy and flabby. His stomach was also large with fat on it that rolls over when he sits down. His belly came over his shorts and formed about 3 rolls. His thighs were also exceptionally large. They spread out across the seat and rubbed past each other. While he looks a little large with/without clothes on he is not obese or anything like that.
When we came back from holiday i was a little concerned about him so i asked him to weigh himself. He told me he weighed about 80 kg. I also went to go and see him play a football match and i was surprised at how large he looked with his kit on. While usually his stomach and 'moobs' are not visible they were very exposed on the pitch. His fat jiggled about and he really struggled to run around. Every couple of minuets he had to stop running and take a breather. His coach pulled me over at the end and said that he was struggling with football because of the weight he has put on, which i don't think i really that much.
I asked him about if he was struggling with football and he said that he was struggling a bit more than usual but nothing that wasn't too much. But he did say that he was struggling in PE more. He said that they had done a fitness test and that he came last in the class which is top set. He said he could barely do a push up and really struggled to do a sit up and apparently when the kids went back into the changing room they laughed about his stomach and 'moobs' but apparently this is the only time it has happens and is only 'banter' .While this concerns me his PE teacher didn't seem to worried.
We used to live about 30 minuets walk away from school and he used to walk home with his friend, this is when he started to gain a bit of weight but we recently moved house and now he gets the school bus and he has put on even more weight.
He has a twin sister who is the polar opposite. She is healthy and does a similar amount of exercise if not less than her brother and she weighs much less and is thin. Both of them have also grown taller he is now about 5 foot 6 and his sister is about 5 foot 5.
Both eat the same and both eat very healthy just like me and there father who are both fairly slim. Both have there 5 a day and only have a small snack like a apple or orange after school and everyone has a good healthy main meal like chicken fajitas or a lasagna.
Is anyone else is a similar situation or been in a similar situation who can support each other. I get that he is overweight but i just don't why and by how much. Thanks for all the help it means alot.

Keep a food diary for the week . record absolutely everything food drink snacks with exact quantities small bowl or large bowl etc. Take the food diary and your ds to go get him checked over.
Gp can refer to community dietician for advice.

Thanks for the help. I will definitely keep a food diary over the next few weeks but I don't know whether taking him to the GP is a bit of an over reaction when he's, in my opinion, not or anywhere near obese. Is there anything i could start now. I don't want to make him feel self conscious by taking him to the doctors.

“He had padded nipples or 'moobs' that where saggy and flabby. His stomach was also large with fat on it that rolls over when he sits down. His belly came over his shorts and formed about 3 rolls. His thighs were also exceptionally large.”

I am sorry if this sounds harsh but I think you are delusional. He is clearly obese from that description and his BMI puts him on the 99th percentile as well as that his fitness sounds impaired. You need to take him to the GP and monitor this situation. What height are you expecting him to reach?

What is he eating at school? Does he have access to money where he can buy extra food?

You maybe right but acording to him he is by no means the largest boy in his year with many larger than him. This make me think that while he maybe large he is not obese but thank you for your help it is appreciated. We are expecting him to get to about 6 foot give or take a couple of inches.

At school as far as i am aware he has a 'pasta pot' and a trayback, like a flapjack. He does get a small amount of pocket money and money at birthdays but i don't know where he would buy the food and i have never seen any wrappers ether.

He’s eating somewhere so you need to be like a hawk and find out where. He’s probably spending his pocket money on cheap junk food which is very calorific.

5ft 6 and 80kg puts him at very overweight according to the NHS BMI calculator. Although he may not look overweight to you, he still is, looks can be deceiving - eg I’m a size 12, not so huge but based on my height and weight I am classed as overweight.

Can he take packed lunches to school and only enough money for the bus so you know exactly what he is eating? How big are his portion sizes? Even eating too much of good things can mean weight gain.

Packed lunches are a good idea. I could pay his pocket money into his bank account so he cant assess it as easily but this portion sizes are smaller than mine and my husbands but the same as his twin sister who is a healthy weight. When we went shopping last i remember him getting size 34 inch waist jeans and a medium t-shirt.

Tell him you don't care if other kids are fat. You love him and as his parent you are responsible for protecting him. Even from himself. Then sit down and make a family weekly menu and activity plan. Make a rough plan of how much weight will be lost in a rough amount of time.

Good idea with the pocket money, you could also see then where it goes if nothing improves.

A lot of kids grow out and then up if that makes sense but this sounds a bit more than that. I’d suggest seeing the GPs to rule out any underlying conditions such as thyroid problems as if he is healthy and active and eating well balanced meals weight gain isn’t usually as rapid - 80kg puts him at nearly 12 and a half stone which like I said at 14 and 5ft 6 does put him in the very overweight category which can’t be pleasant for him if it’s impacting the sport he loves.

Just a few meal ideas - you’ve mentioned fajitas, instead of the wrap you could use a lettuce leaf as the wrap (actually tastes much better than it sounds). With the lasagne replace a layer of the pasta with courgette or some other form of sturdy veg. Fruit is great, but if you eat more than you burn off the sugar turns to empty calories which in turn to fat. Try replacing a piece of fruit with celery for example.

On Facebook there is plenty of slimming world groups, a lot of the food isn’t typical ‘diet food’ so filling but really does lose weight. X

Bigpizzalover thank you for your ind suggestions it is very helpful. The lettuce fajitas sound like a good option and the courgette instead of pasta sounds like a intriguing idea. Looking around now on the internet for some more similar ideas as they sound great. Thank You

Hi,

maybe he can be part of a sports team - it would be great if you or his friends could get him to join one. So maybe he is eager to get better and be part of this.
Also when buying food, lot's of diet food is not really healthy or good for you and your son. I think this article is also very interesting: essentialparent.com/lesson/the-dangers-of-diets-for-teenagers-2365/

No worries :) I’ve found the best thing for myself is to try make changes to the meals I enjoy instead of cutting them out completely- eg I love curry and rice, so I’ll have cauliflower rice and use the slimming world sauce recipe instead of cutting out my ‘takeaway treat’ x

I agree that unless its a medical problem that has resulted in quick weight gain, hes eating somewhere that you dont know about. At my DS' school, you can log on and see what they eat. Whdn my DS wasnt making healthy choices, i switched him to packed lunches.

Can you do exercise as a family? My DD was told by a girl in her class that she was fat (she's not) but she cycles next to me now when I go for a run and we do more bike rides as a family / hire a badminton court etc at the local leisure centre every so often.

Also we sit down as a family for dinner every night (sometimes either me or H isn't around but the other parent eats with the kids) and we've started putting the food in the middle of the table so everyone can help themselves. We'll still encourage 'more veg' etc but we're not putting a playful of food in front of them and expecting them to finish it. Hopefully by doing it in a small way at home we're helping them to be more independent but learning to make good choices.

Thanks for all the great suggestions they are and will be really beneficial. I am a little confused about whether he is obese or not. Apparently he has just weighed him self and he is now 81.5kg and wears 34 inch waist trousers. While i get that many people have said that it doesn't matter whether i think he looks obese or not but to me it honestly looks like he is a bit of a chubby kid with a few rolls of fat, a double chin, big thighs and moobs. The other thing his i don't think he has noticed that he is overweight and doesn't seem bothered about it. Should i tell him or not.

By comparison my 13yr old DS got weighed at a relatives yesterday (we dont have scales) and he was 34.9kg. He's only about 5'3 though. He plays football & hockey and whilst there's a bit of difference in his team mates in terms of height and build, he's pretty standard. 80kg+ is a really big difference and even if he seems not to have noticed it, he will have, especially with the teasing you referred to above.

you should be able to see his bones. If his weight is such that he can't run etc and is the heaviest / most unfit in his class then he is eating stuff you don't know about.

or has something wrong with him. don't dismiss this as 'broad', a bit chubby etc. I can see that you are concerned about it, it's really hard when they don't seem to care, is there something going on perhaps you don't know about?

Struggling in peis good enough reason to tell him you taking him to gp to get checked for lung capacity and let gp talk to him about weight and food . He needs to hear it in a gentle way

Of course he’s noticed he’s overweight. He can barely do a sit up and came last in the fitness test. Please don’t ignore this; you need to tackle it together.

OP I think from what you've said you know he is overweight and the actual classification is probably not really that relevant. Childhood obesity is a growing problem and heavier children are becoming the norm so he may not look obese when he actually is.

It perfectly reasonable to go to your GP as they are your route to dietitians. Every areas has different services for weight management so it may be a 1:1, it may be a structured group programme, they may tie in with local fitness groups (some football teams run weight loss groups particularly for males) etc etc but you will need the initial referral from the GP.

It's good that you have recognised this now and it is important that you try to tackle it now. Food diary is a great idea but you can also get apps such as my fitness pal that are effectively digital food diaries. He shouldn't start counting calories but he may be more interested in keeping a track if it's an app.