Fever medicine and school age children.

[hanabana79]

I am a loving SM to a 8 year old boy. His ex is so fever-phobic it gets on my nerves because I don't agree with her approach but she forces my partner to comply with her ways when he's with us. I think it's because he doesn't know any better. As soon as the kid gets even the mildest fever, the mum insists he's put on a timetable of alternating calpol and nurofen (if he's with us). It doesn't matter how high or low the fever is, it doesn't matter if he seems otherwise cheerful, not complaining, and fine in himself. He's medicated to a timetable based on the number on the digital thermometer. I've even witnessed him being given nurofen when his temperature returned to normal, 'just in case'. IMO, based on what I've read, this is just so wrong. She even reprimanded him for returning the child to her in the afternoon, happy as larry but with a fever of 38.1 and not having given him medicine since the morning. He didn't need it. The child is quite hyper as it is and I think most of the time he just needs to relax when ill. The medicine just makes him lose awareness of his lil cold or whatever and tire himself out. I've rarely heard him complain of discomfort or seen him really suffering.

I wonder if anyone can send me to some articles online that I can show my OH that will show him how to properly deal with a fever so it's not just my word against hers. We plan to have children soon and I don't want this fever phobia he's got from her to transfer onto my kids! She also manages to obtain antibiotics EVERY time she takes him to the doctor - three times now we've taken him to the doctor who has said he has a virus and then every time she'll book another appt when he's back with her, sometimes the next day, and magically come out with antibiotics! I just don't trust this woman's judgement!

Thanks in advance

I meant to say, his mum - my OH's ex - not SS's ex

Hmm I’m sorry but I think you are in the wrong on this. As his mum she’ll know him best and is in a better position to decide his treatment. You sound too anti medicine in my opinion - drs don’t hand out antibiotics unless they judge, for themselves, that the child needs it.
I think most mums would give a child calpol if they had a temperature.
When you have your own kids you can call the shots.

If I have a temperature, I usually take something for it because, however I appear to others, I feel pretty rough with it. So I will usually offer calpol/ibroprofen to my dc when they have a temperature.

And one of mine if you didn't keep her temperature under control, it would wallop up to 40/41 and stay there defying all attempts to bring it down for 3+ days. So it was better to treat it early than end up with it up there.
Also the doctors will often say when you first go "probably a virus" but when it hasn't righted itself a short time later are more inclined to look into taking antibiotics. I can see the same GP two days running and the first day say "probably a virus, lots of fluids and calpol" and the second say "now I think we need to try antibiotics because it's looking bacterial."

Her judgment seems fine - whenever I have seen medical professionals for fever they either recommend or give calpol/neurofen. In fact the last time DS was ill he ended up in A&E and he was not allowed to leave until calpol/neurofen had brought it down. DS has ended up with sepsis and the first sign of that was a high fever so I can see how it can happen and its not something to be judgmental about

Also Doctors are just going to hand out antibiotics either

Im sorry but I suspect this is your issue

Does he get ill a lot? 3 x to doc at 8yo sounds quite a lot, unless you're talking about a few years.

What does DS think? At 8, I'd be asking my DC do you feel poorly and do you think you need some calpol - I might suggest it, but wouldn't generally give it if they say they are OK without.

At 8 I'd also not really be taking their temp so seriously - would be trusting my & their judgement on whether they feel feverish.

I guess it does sound a bit OTT to me - but then in your situation I think you need to take the lead from his Dad & Mum (within reason).

I can be a bit stingy with painkillers!
Well it depends on the illness.
My DS is 3 and can have a high temp reasonably regularly. If he’s fine with it, then I don’t give him anything. If it’s above 38.5 then I would probably give him Calpol initially, unless I felt it needed to come down quickly. I only tend to alternate when they are most poorly and clearly in pain (e.g ear infection.

With DD (6) I probably would give Calpol or Nurofen with a temp above 37.5 as she rarely gets a temp and usually it means tonsillitis. Then I would alternate between the 2 and be straight at Drs for ab’s

I think some Drs di give out ab’s easier than others. I can pretty much guarantee you that 1 GP at our surgery will prescribe them. In fact she’s prescribed them for my youngest before and we’ve decided not to fill the prescription (for 24 hours). We were convinced it was a virus. 24 hours later he was back to normal.

(He had 6 doses of abs in 4 months before so we are more cautious now)

Crazy! It is the body doing it's thing why reduce it? Also agree it covers up symptoms. That sounds extreme maybe she needs some help with anxiety?
1.6.3.2 Do not use antipyretic agents with the sole aim of reducing body temperature in children with fever. [new 2013]

www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg160/chapter/1-Recommendations#antipyretic-interventions-2

My little one gets fever of 40 when ill...bounces back quickly. Never had meds. We do skin to skin as this helps regulate temp and once she hallucinated so i gave her some homeopathy.

OP you are within your rights to voice your concern over this. If a child is in your care and you feel he or she is being mistreated, you must absolutely question it. This may seem like a small issue but the attitude of attentive care and having strong personal values in your own home being more important than fear of 'stepping on toes' of your DP or his Ex is absolutely bang on. Good for you. I speak as a stepmother, biological mother and grandmother. Just having a child doesn't mean you automatically know best or are magically somehow informed of all current pediatric advice. It takes a village to raise a child and bio-mum or not, OP is clearly concerned for a child she loves and cares for. Stepmothers have instincts too, and I feel OP's is correct.

Here's what you asked for OP:

www.bewell.com/blog/why-you-usually-shouldn%E2%80%99t-treat-a-fever/

pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/127/3/580.full

www.parents.com/health/fever/fever-benefits/

www.washingtonpost.com/national/health/pediatricians-say-its-often-better-to-let-a-childs-fever-run-its-course/2011/04/11/AF6j0fkE_story.html?utm_term=.ebed2ce5ce5e

wellnessmama.com/5820/dont-reduce-fever/

medlineplus.gov/ency/article/003090.htm

www.smallfootprintfamily.com/why-you-shouldnt-treat-a-fever

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/advice-for-managing-child-fever/

healthland.time.com/2011/02/28/kid-got-a-fever-dont-rush-to-dole-out-drugs/

www.nbcnews.com/id/48617869/ns/health-childrens_health/t/avoiding-fever-phobia-treat-kid-not-number/

www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/kid-got-a-fever-skipping-the-meds-has-always-been-best-policy/

OP you are within your rights to voice your concern over this. If a child is in your care and you feel he or she is being mistreated, you must absolutely question it. This may seem like a small issue but the attitude of attentive care and having strong personal values in your own home being more important than fear of 'stepping on toes' of your DP or his Ex is absolutely bang on

This is not correct. You cannot possible argue that they're being mistreated because they're given painkillers or taken to the doctor when they're ill.
You can however be accused of mistreatment by withholding the above.
"Strong personal values" is nothing to do with not giving pain relief when a child is ill.

From an NHS website about ibuprofen:
"Ibuprofen also treats inflammation, such as aches and pains after an injury like a sprain, or because of a health problem like childhood arthritis. It can also be used to reduce fever (38C or above)."
They're not going to put that last sentence in if they don't suggest you use it.

@Witchend - I am not suggesting giving painkillers for pain is mistreating a child in the sense you have interpreted. Look at the word: mis - treating. Clearly, all evidence and advice suggests observing and treating the child, not just reacting to the number on the thermometer with no input or feedback from the child, as OP has stated is the case. Therefore OP feels the child is not being treated properly - mis-treated. Clearly there is a difference of opinion between OP and her DP's ex, and for OP to question the things she does not agree with is the sign of a good, caring stepparent. I had children of my own when I became a SM, and I most CERTAINLY questioned the approach of the Ex a few times I can tell you!

RE the NHS website - Yes, ibuprofen CAN be used to reduce a fever, nobody is denying that. The IF and WHEN is what is being questioned here. Perhaps you should have a look through the links I provided above (replying to the point of this thread).