Hand hold please. Did I do the right thing?

[user1487175389]

Not sure if this is in the right place. Ds just came back fron an overnight with his dad. Getting him changed for nursery, I noticed a smallish scratch on his willy. Not small enough to be insignificant though. Looked like it had happened recently. I reported this to the nursery and filled in a safeguarding form. Did I over react or did I do the right thing? Can anyone help prepare me for what happens next? I'm really worried, especially as I've realised the time I put on the former was out by about 10 minutes and I'm sure exactly will use this against me.

Well, given that I don't have any concerns about my DH, I would most likely phone him and say "I've just changed DS' nappy, and he's got a scratch on his willy. Do you have any idea how it happened?" Then I'd expect him to say "oh, I forgot to tell you about that, I caught him with my fingernail when I was changing his nappy", or "no? What's seeing with his willy? I didn't notice anything, is he ok?"

Then when I went into nursery, I'd either say "just to let you know, Johnny has a scratch on his willy, DH caught it with his fingernail when he was changing his nappy" or "Johnny has a scratch on his willy, but we aren't sure how, as neither of us noticed it until this morning."

I mean, how old is DS? Could he have fiddled with his own willy and scratched himself?

Yes I think you did the right thing reporting. I don’t understand your reaction to people’s responses

What is it you don't understand, Avon? Would you be happy with people assuming you were out to smear your ex when you were trying your hardest just to look out for your child then?

Lougle - yes he could have scratched himself, but would that have negated my need to speak to the nursery?

I've just read the replies and am confused at your response. Where are the people assuming your are smearing your ex?

All I see are people asking you if you think your ex did it (purposely or not) and giving you positive advice?

...and telling you you did do the right thing.

Have his nails got a bit long?

Has he accused you of making things up before? Because you seem to be leaping to the conclusion that that is what posters are doing and I don't think that's the case at all.

See Caulk's post at 10.16.

Anyway
I'm really sick to death of this site. People here have zero empathy. It's just a middle class bitch-fest full of people who've never had to go through anything like this. I'm off to seek some support in the real world where people do more than just fire questions at you and expect you to be grateful.

I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this worrying time and the stress of speaking to Nursery.

I think people are asking so they can get a clearer picture of your situation. Ie. Did you report to Nursery to ‘cover your back’ was an innocent question. It prevents any confusion if you speak with Nursery and explain how they got injuries, particularly ones which aren’t the usual scraped knee etc. It’s not a bad thing, it’s a sensible thing.

As for asking if you’re hoping Nursery will intervene with dad, again I think that’s an innocent question. It’s being asked as if this is the case, you may need to explain a little more to Nursery. It’s not an accusation of you trying to get dad in trouble.

I understand how stressed you must be, but I think you’re misinterpreting kind, helpful, enquiringly comments as attacks. I think everyone agrees you did the right thing, they’re just trying to answer your question of ‘Did I do the right thing?’

I genuinely don’t see the issue with my post.

I was happy to either say yes, you did the right thing by letting them know that you had spotted it incase they mentioned it

Or

Yes you did the right thing to be concerned that your DP had hurt DS and raised it as a safeguarding concern at the nursery, where they will obviously support you.

However without knowing why you mentioned it, it was hard to offer appropriate support to you, hence me asking.

Caulk explained what she meant by 'covering your back' and you'd asked if you did the right thing? so people asked why? you had done it.

I can't see anything bitchy or middle class!

Absolutely no-one is being in anyway bitchy or mean. Posters, including myself, are trying to explore what you what you think might have happened so we could help you further. I get it is stressful but if this has been passed on to police and social work a a child protection complaint you are going to be asked about all of this and more. There is no need to get stroppy because you weren't getting exactly the responses you wanted.

You're over reacting to posters, but they're raising a reasonable point, which I think in your panic you're missing.

What they're saying is that there's two scenarios.

1. You have absolutely no safeguarding concerns about ds' dad. You've noticed a mark, but you aren't worried at all that it has been made by anything other than an innocent accident. You've mentioned it to nursery as you'd rather that they know about it rather than raise a safeguarding concern where there isn't one.

1. You have been concerned about ds' dad for a while. He's had a few things which has made you wonder if he's not keeping your ds safe either from himself or others. This is the latest in a long list of things all of which could be innocent, but you don't think so, but you're worried about reporting it-or maybe you have but you've been dismissed and think there's no point saying anything else. You've raised it to nursery because you hope nursery will report it and be given higher credence than you.

Now either could be reasonable, but...
The second, unless you are explicitly clear to them you want them to report it, they'll probably think you mean the first, so won't. If you want it reported, I think you'd be better going to the Gp and asking him to examine ds and saying your concerns. If, in the GP's opinion, it has been caused deliberately then it will have greater impact than you saying so.

There are actually 3 possibilities.

1. You've seen the mark, are scared the nursery will think you did it, so told them to cover you (very sensible).

1. You saw the mark, didn't know what caused it, but were worried the nursery would think either you or your ex had done it, so told them to cover you (very sensible).

1. You saw the mark, thought your ex may have inflicted it deliberately, so told the nursery in the hope they would flag it to SS (very sensible, but you may need to be more explicit to nursery about your concerns because they may put it down to an accident without more context).

Christ alive, OP I said I thought you’d done the right thing