Overweight 12 year old

[FairyLisa]

Hi I need some help please.....
I have a beautiful 12 year old and she’s always been on the chubby side due to her dads side and genes etc. Since starting secondary school last year she’s piled on the weight. I’m in my 40’s and 9st 3, she weights nearly as much as me?
I cook fresh every night so I’m in control of what she’s eats etc, she has a packed lunch which is minimal after a breakfast before school but I think she is secretly eating and they all swap and share their lunches. I’ve stopped giving her money too as the schools don’t offer healthy choices its disgusting really as even if they did the kids wouldn’t choose them!
I struggle getting her to exercise and understand the importance of if you eat lots then you have to burn it off. She looks 9 months pregnant some days as carries most of it on her belly. She has lots of cellulite and now has rolls of fat.
Breaks my heart and I feel like I’m failing her, she’s my 3rd baby and my older 2 are adults now and never had this with them but they do have a different Dad as I remarried.
I’m really struggling to find clothes to fit her now, we had a wedding anniversary party recently and honestly couldn’t find her a dress to wear, nothing fits!
What am I doing wrong? People have said it’s puppy fat but it’s a lot of it. She’s did a growth spurt and hasn’t started her periods yet I’m just getting so upset with it all......

I would honestly take her to the gp for them to explain the importance of diet and exercise, before doing anything. I would then find a sport which she shows interest in. Dd 14 is doing GCSE PE and wants to start boxing. I've agreed to boxercise ATM as I'm concerned about boxing damaging her face! But there are loads of sports out there, she should find one she wants to try. Why don't you join the gym together? Mine also does teen sessions which has an instructor on hand for advice and they develop a training program to suit you

Check her room it sounds like she is secretly binging.

I think you're just going to have to be honest with her and tell her if she doesn't start looking after herself then it will only get harder to lose the weight when she's older. I don't think you have time to pussyfoot around.

Then make sure her life is full and busy. She might just be eating out of boredom.

Then get her on some exercise that kick starts the metabolism, like swimming.

She can't have been happy, knowing that there were no dresses that fit her. No 12 year old should go through that.

It is honestly worth a bit of upset now to avoid years of misery down the line.

But you're going to have to get to the bottom of what is driving her to eat like that. Bingers are sneaky. You need to address the root cause or you will just be tyrannical mum. She'll thank you in the long term though.

Thank you and trust me I’ve tried but as the day you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink it!
We’ve done the gym but struggled getting sessions at our local one.
She has started doing the parkrun on a Saturday with her big sister so hoping this will help etc.
I have checked her room and nothing. I don’t buy biscuits, crisps etc so I know she’s not getting it from home if they aren’t there she can’t eat them.

Appreciate your thoughts. Thank you

That's good about the park run but exercise needs to be combined with diet to have any effect. Otherwise she will just put pressure on her joints

I have the same issue with my son. It's very difficult. He knows that eating too much will cause weight gain and that he needs to exercise. I try my best but in all honesty without putting him on a diet and forcing him to exercise all I can do is try to stop him gaining any more weight. He is autistic and dyspraxic so has incredibly poor motor control which makes a lot of exercise hard. I make sure all the food I give him is good and nutritious and the portion sizes are correct for his age. I give him a packed lunch for school. I don't have sugary drinks or snacky foods in the house (just fruit and I only allow that at certain times a day so he doesn't try to snack constantly). I refuse to argue with him and give him a complex. I'd rather he was a bit fat than felt shit about himself. As he gets older he may grow into his weight and he may decide to diet himself. His body his choice. I don't know why he gains so easily. My daughter is very slim and has the same choices as him.

What do you cook/prepare. Lasagna dripping with cheese or a chicken breast and lettuce?
Home cooking doesn't mean light. Go basics for the whole family.
Steak and stated carrots
Boiled eggs and green beans
Tomatoes and tuna salad
smocked salmon and spinach salad
Sword fish steak and two colours lettuce
......
put colours in the plate and go basic on the main.

I cook lots of very healthy meals. We don’t eat what you said. We eat lots of salad, lots of veg etc I cook fresh healthy food. I’m not over weight nor are the rest of my family which is why I’m concerned about my daughters health.

Great then.
I often see here mums saying they eat healthy because they cook from scratch, but put sauces or processed stuff and it changes the value of the meal.
What about drinks? Sugary tea, juice, smoothie, ....
Even if she swaps lunches at school, it is only 5 meals out of 21 and it wouldn't make that much of a difference.

Your description of her is very heartbreaking and I understand your concern?

Would you be willing to try some of the suggestions I made? A piece of good quality meat or fish in a pan with some raw veggies on the side. And my "stated" carrots are actually grated carrots ! And try to prepare an home made vinaigrette (Olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper ,, fresh chopped parsley) instead of salad cream. Occasionally some rice. She certainly has her dose of carb for breakfast and lunch, so she is not missing on anything.
How much bread per day? What about portions? Seconds?

Could you go for long walks with her on the weekend or evenings after homework are done.

What do you usually prepare in the evenings and weekends?

You can't exercise out a bad diet, and genes don't make you fat.

I'd suggest changing breakfasts so she gets a good portion of protein at the start of the day. Keeps you full longer so no need to snack.

What does she eat straight after school? Mine are always hungry when they get home and would wolf biscuits if I didn't have a healthy alternative to hand.

Personally I do serve things lile lasagne but look carefully at things like portion size (smallush serving of the lasagne, or pizza, or whatever) and lots vegetables/ salad.

9 st 3 doesn’t actually sound that big to me.
How tall is she? What size clothes is she wearing?