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Children's health

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Original poster

Anger around toileting

57 replies

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 16:20

DS is 4 almost 5

He's always had an issue with going for a wee

He knows he needs to go but holds on (as I think most kids do)

My problem is he's becoming very aggressive and violent towards me and rude when he does and the bigger he gets the harder this is to handle. He hit me all the way home from school today yelling at me and then went to his room screaming and throwing toys around. It was a full on temper tantrum

He's like Jekyll and Hyde - before going and after going. After - he's lovely again

I'm sure some of today is tiredness but this is what always happens... he's hitting and screaming me so often until he has gone

I tell him to go very firmly but I'm also unable to physically wrestle him to go - he's very strong and I'm actually getting punched in the face and bruises if I try and he will rush at me and punch me when I'm telling him

This isn't normal is it? What can I do?

No other needs so not like it's ASD which would make a little more sense to me if it was. I don't see anyone else's kids behave like mine without other needs and it's only when he needs a wee. Number 2s aren't an issue

It's gone on ever since he was potty trained which he did really early (2nd birthday he'd done it by) and he happily trained... he decided to and was very proud of himself etc

But I can't cope with it. I'm bruised...

It's not just with me... he does it to anyone (rudeness) but I think it's only me he's actually hitting

OP posts:

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EddChinasVagina · 08/09/2017 16:22

Is it possible he could have a kidney infection or some other UTI? That causes irritability in children. Think you need to take him to the GP

Original poster

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 16:25

No... it's happened for years. We tried once and at the doctors he threw such a tantrum we couldn't get a wee from him. I left so embarrassed as he screamed the place down

Eventually I got one about a week later at home and took it to doctor and there wasn't anything

There must be something though... not sure if it's simply behavioural or if there could actually be a physical reason why he doesn't want to wee and gets so violent

But when he does wee... he never seems in pain actually doing one

OP posts:

idontwannaneedthem · 08/09/2017 16:27

What do you do when he hits you?

fuzzyfozzy · 08/09/2017 16:28

Bribery? Set him up to succeed, oo when you've been for a wee we can go to the park etc

Sirzy · 08/09/2017 16:30

Does he use the toilet in school ok?

Original poster

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 16:32

I tell him to stop and send him to sit on his bed (small home most practical place) to think about his behaviour. Sometimes I have to physically put him there

I make him go for a wee (eventually)

Usually from on his bed he will cry and say "I've thought about my behaviour" I leave him alone till he's gone to the toilet then

After he comes and says sorry and goes back to being really sweet again

If we're out somewhere it's impossible though other than saying stop firmly and I take him to the toilet but deal with him screaming and yelling at me he doesn't need to go... until he does eventually

Meanwhile I'm beaten down and get looks for being such a crap mother

Except he's lovely the rest of the time

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 08/09/2017 16:32

How does he react if he needs to wee and you're not there? Is this a reaction to you or to needing to wee?

Original poster

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 16:34

He's the same if I'm not there... anyone who looks after him has the same minus the hitting or at least I have not been told he's hit them if he has

He has only just started school and refused to go apparently all day and very very bad tempered when collected

Nursery he just didn't go as was only a few hours he could hold it without being too problematic

OP posts:

idontwannaneedthem · 08/09/2017 16:37

Does he tell you why he refuses to go?

Original poster

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 16:38

Says he doesn't need to...

But clear signs he does plus any time he gets aggressive it's always solved by him going eventually

OP posts:

Sirzy · 08/09/2017 16:39

What happens if you just don't mention the toilet at all? Would he take himself eventually?

Is he well hydrated?

Original poster

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 16:43

If he needs the loo the clue first is him saying he's thirsty (before temper tantrums begin)

He seems to confuse needing the loo with being thirsty and says he's really thirsty then drinks excessively (as though he's never had a drink in ages... glugs it down really fast etc)

But otherwise he drinks and eats fine. I don't notice anything different between him and other kids on his intake

OP posts:

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 08/09/2017 16:44

Does he have accidents if he doesn't go?

Does he wet the bed?

It's not a common disorder but we suffered for years with toilet problems and no UTI tests showed any problems.

Then my DS finally admitted it hurt when he went. The pressure on the bladder was very painful when "pushing".

He had something called urethral valves which had to be cauterised. Because he'd never known any different he just thought peeing was painful and avoided it.

His bladder thickened over time but it's finally reducing in thickness.

Took us years to find out the problem.

When he's calm ask if it hurts to wee.

Original poster

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 16:45

If I don't mention it at all... eventually he goes by himself at the last possible moment

But by then he's thrown stuff, yelled or been incredibly rude

Sometimes it happens where I realise he needs the loo only because of how his behaviour has got bad. And going always solves it so I know it's that...

OP posts:

Original poster

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 16:48

Bribery doesn't seem to work. Tried often

E.g. Went to the beach on holiday. He was excited about going.. said go for a wee then we will go (clearly needed it) he still had a fight about going for a wee and said he wouldn't go to the beach then... until after he'd eventually gone nearly an hour later and he asked if he could go now

OP posts:

Original poster

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 16:50

No accidents

Never wet the bed since being potty trained...

Only thing is he keeps asking for nappies which I am unsure if it's simply an "I'm getting older wish I was a baby" thing as he's also asked for a dummy too recently. Or related

OP posts:

Original poster

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 16:53

Could I get the dr to check for that?

I have asked him many times and he says frustratedly usually "no I just don't want to/don't need to"

He's abnormally aggressive for any child I think so something has to be wrong regarding it

OP posts:

idontwannaneedthem · 08/09/2017 17:57

I think you need to revisit potty training.

Leave him on the toilet until he goes.

BugPlaster · 08/09/2017 18:13

Having recently potty trained some things come to mind which might be way out:
Does he dislike standing / holding his penis?
Does he dislike undoing trousers / undressing?
Would pull ups at night be an option, if it would make him comfortable? If he wees in them, it could bypass the aggression and give you a level to start again on trying toilet in daytime.
Nine of this has any scientific basis, I know.

Original poster

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 18:47

He's been potty trained for 3+ years

It's not as simple as leaving him there... he needs it, just won't go until the absolute last second he can hold it

OP posts:

Original poster

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 18:56

No problems with undressing... undresses to put on his dressing up stuff etc

He will happily fiddle if he's naked so I don't think there's an issue with that

I don't really know what little boys "should" look like and it's probably normal the only thing I know is when born he had an undescended testicle which I was told would fix itself... I've wondered if it has or not but I think that's not part of the same system?

And I've wondered if it's swollen in the middle or if that's just how he is... there's a bit of a bulge mid way on it possibly or possibly that's just completely normal iyswim

Would I be mad to ask the doctor to take a closer look at it? I don't want to make him do that if it's unecessary obviously and his father hasn't mentioned it being odd which is why I thought it must be just how his is

OP posts:

lilwayneslisp · 08/09/2017 20:23

Has he been exposed to any abuse? Anger around intimate things such as urination is a big sign of it.

Original poster

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 20:51

No...

OP posts:

picklemepopcorn · 08/09/2017 20:52

Try going back to basics as if you were potty training. Make going for a wee a good thing.

Put a jar of jelly beans on the loo, he gets one every time he wees.
Put a ping pong ball in the loo, so he can aim at it and play as he wees. It won't go down when he flushes, it just bobs about when he hits it.

Don't tell him to go, just reward him when he does.

Original poster

toiletanger · 08/09/2017 21:08

Ok I'm going to try the game/reward idea

I think we've got into a pattern where the only way to solve the behaviour is the wee and being hit/kicked etc you just want it to stop fast

I'm worried that he will only go when his bladder is absolutely bursting though, that can't be good for him and he's done it always as far as I can tell it's just it's more noticeable the bigger he gets... the tantrums at 2 were seemingly normal

OP posts:

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