I think my 8yo is an emetophobe

[8yoemetophobe]

Particularly the fear of feeling sick. So he's worried he's going to feel sick.

I'm not sure what to do.

It started in June when he ate too much breakfast cereal and threw up a tiny bit. Stupidly I kept him off school as per policy but then this seemed to reward the behaviour. This has gone on all summer. I tried to tweak his diet.

I actually think it's an anxiety and an inability to recognise other emotions like being tired or worried.

I don't really feel I can go to the GP about it.

Tonight he just stared to cry at bedtime and said he was nervous about feeling sick tomorrow . I don't think sympathy has actually got me anywhere so I just breezed past it rather than trying to indulge him. He was asleep pretty quickly.

He's gone up to Y3 with children he knows. No other massive changes.

Any experiences or advice please?

School were supportive before breaking for summer but he did ask that I was called to come and collect him as he was feeling sick. School handled it really well.

Checked there were no bullying/friendship issues too.

Anyone please?

What has gone? It's not clear from your current description what his current symptoms are. Why have you changed his diet - and in what way?

Sorry to bombard with questions.

Questions are good - Thankyou.

His symptoms are now worrying about being sick. Very frequently. Crying about the thought of being sick. Going somewhere, seeing someone or eating something that will make him sick.

Not sure about the gone bit? He's moved up to Year 3.

He was lactose intolerant as a baby and grew out of it. He associated milk (in the cereal) with maki him feel sick, so we cleaned up his dit a bit and took him off cows milk for a bit. If only for a placebo, and let him feel in control. It didn't work though.

*cleaned up his diet

Off to bed now. I've ordered a book on Amazon - what to do when you worry too much... and will check back in the morning.

Ah, OK. And apologies - I can't even remember what I meant by "gone" - I think I meant "gone on."

I think you need to see his GP and see if you can get a referral for CAMHS. Emetophobia can be a bit more complex than other phobias.

If you feel there might be a problem recognising emotions you could support him by getting an emotion wheel image (from google images) and talking about his emotions - and guessing and naming he he might feel.

If possible avoid being drawn into any routines to prevent vomiting - extra handwashing, cleaning etc. as it may perpetuate the problem.

You might've already done this but I think I'd go down the route of saying well what would happen if you felt sick / were sick? Really work through his worry and hopefully make him realise that it wouldn't be the end of the world - he'd get better and life would resume as normal - it doesn't have to be a big deal. Logic obviously doesn't always work in Faceof anxiety though sadly I know.

I had exactly the same thing when ds was about that age. He went through a phase of not going to sleep because he was worried he'd be sick. He had similar issues in school and got very anxious about it. But.....it was a phase and it passed.
Didn't help that I have a bit of a phobia about gastroenteritis.....

Ask to see the school nurse, who might help or refer to CAMHS, it is a very common problem and absolutely should be helped. Poor lad.

From your point of view

1. Remind him that a feeling is just a feeling, and encourage him to pay less attention to it - get him to choose a list of things that will distract him when he feels that way. (And demonstrate that you can 'think yourself sick' by focusing on your stomach, by both trying to do it - therefore if he instead thinks about a game/puzzle/maths exericise, he will be able to reduce his anxiety and let the feeling pass.
2. Use coping talk, remind him that being sick is a normal part of life and people get sick occasionally and recover. Remind him that he was sick in the past and then fine again. Encourage getting on with things and explain to school that this is a psychological problem so they do the same. Make sure he is not doing any weird and wonderful things to avoid sickness, like excessive handwashing or carrying a bag around or snythkng, as this will maintain the anxiety from a psychological perspective.
3. Tackle self-confidence and any worry or perfectionism or stress with normal parenting stuff.
4. He could look step by step at the delightful cartoons pictures and videos on the emetophobia resources website, as a bit of fun and a way to build his confidence in tackling this problem - set him upma reward scheme for reaching goals.

All the best

This is all really helpful. Just about to do school run then will read properly. Also going to ask MNHQ to move to children's health so its not lost in 90 days as it may be useful for others.

We're just sending this over to children's health for the OP.

Thanks so much to everyone for responding. I can't see who to tag but will try and answer questions.

He was fine this morning. Ate a normal breakfast, school drop off no dramas at all. Phew.

I love the idea of an emotions wheel. Will definitely have a look. Luckily he doesn't have any extra routines associated with this. Someone in RL suggested rescue remedy but I don't know whether that would 'indulge' him or actually help. Probably to former as I don't really believe in homeopathy.

One thing to note is he has the fear of feeling sick. So not the actual vomiting which is probably the case with real emetophobia.

When pressed about worst case scenario he'll just get cross and anxious rather than rational.

Let me post this then go and read more...

@Neuroticwoman how did you deal with it? Brush it away, reassure him?

@NeonFlower I don't think school has a nurse?

I think it's worse when he's tired or hungry so i probably need to deal with those causes. I think he's confused about what he's feeling and can't explain his emotions. Last night it was just as I was saying goodnight. We had wound down although might have still benefitted from going to bed earlier. We have tried headspace apps and cds with some success.

Definitely agree about coping talk.

Im Going to have a look at the emetophobia website now.

Thankyou.

The book you have ordered is really good.

The counter-intuitive advice for anxiety is, stop reassuring or brushing it off. Teach children these things:
Anxiety is normal
Everyone experiences anxiety
Anxiety is expected
Anxiety passes

So in the example of your son you might say, next time he worries about feeling sick,
"Well it's not surprising you feel concerned about that, being sick is horrible and you were sick before school once so perhaps your brain has made a connection. However most people get sick pretty rarely and it's usually just a short 24 hour bug. No one enjoys it when it happens but we can't give up time to worrying about it each day. Just tell that worry you don't have time to spend on it today". Key thing being not reassuring that he won't ever be sick, or telling him you will avoid triggers, but normalising his anxiety ("yes I'm not surprised you feel like that because....but...." , Rather than "it's ok, don't worry")
Then model worry for him "I felt worried this afternoon because I had to give a presentation, that is a really common time to feel worried. Once I got started I was fine, the worry passed quickly"
You are trying to teach him to expect that anxiety will pop it's head up, and that is ok, because it will go again.
If you do things like changing his milk (unless you think it was genuinely that causing sickness) then you are giving an accidental message that his anxiety was justified and this reinforces it happening again (if I have normal milk I'll be sick! =Big worry area).

Hope this makes sense.

@oldbirdy that makes perfect sense. Thankyou.

I used a mixture of logic, and jollying him along I think. Explained that as it never (or very rarely ) happened it was very unlikely to on this occasion. Reassurance too as it was def related to anxiety

There is usually a school nurse responsible for every school, just ask the teacher or Senco. Independent schools will have their own provision.

I have been trying to think of children's films or TV in which a character feels sick and it is no big deal - I thought it might help to normalise nausea. I'll let you know if I think of one!

I hope tomorrow morning goes smoothly for you too.

OP I'm really interested in your comment about your son having anxiety and also an inability to recognise tiredness or worry.

My DD has had a fear of sickness since your sons age. She's now 16 and a lot better, less anxious about sickness, although the fear hasn't gone completely. However I have always worried about her emotions, she never ever accepts that's she's tired and needs to sleep, if she's worried about anything that then turns to anger, she won't discuss it. I've never been able to pinpoint why, she's never been flagged up at school as having concerns.

Thanks all.

We had a great day yesterday. I breezed over amount of food eaten. (Absolutely fine, but didn't want to get drawn into conversation).

Earlier bed time which helped.
I should be receiving that book today but I actually think I'm overreacting. I'm trying to label him when actually it is just a normal part of life. He needs to learn to recognise his own emotions. That's what I'm going to work on.

He does not have the crippling phobia that is ruining his life.

Thank you all 😊

Just to give a mini update. Received the book today and read it together this evening. It is BRILLIANT. everything made sense to him. I'm feeling so positive. We read a few chapters, drew some silly drawings, discussed anxiety symptoms in simple terms, but it feels like something has 'shifted'. So pleased.

Only problem is that it's written for Americans so discussed going to soccer, being nervous at the 'sitters house' and getting a 'shot' at the doctors . Made us laugh though!

Well done OP. I had the same fears at his age and if my parents had gone to this amount of effort to understand and reassure me - instead of ignoring it - I think I might just have sobbed with relief.

I agree with BillyDaveysDaughter

Well done OP.

I have severe and crippling Emetephobia. I have had it since the age of 7.

You are absolutely doing the right thing.