Son broke his back. He just wants to lie in bed. Advice please.

[ErnesttheBavarian]

Ds, 16, broke his back last Saturday mountain biking. He was released from hospital on Wednesday, with a back brace, which he's been told to wear all day, so from getting up in the morning to going to bed. He's been told not to remain in the same position, so stand for a bit, sit for a bit, lie for a bit etc. Shouldn't sit on low (normal) chair, only lean against a highish stool.

So, he finds sitting uncomfortable, feels like an idiot standing, and basically just wants to lie in bed. He is a very stubborn teenager.

He is supposed to be going to school on Monday. They have organised a high desk for him. But I don't know how that's going to work out, or even taking his bag to and from school.

I'm also concerned that lying about is going to be bad for his back. He is way taller and heavier and more stubborn than me. How do I get him off his bed, other than explaining, which I have done, and how do I best support him? He has 1 more week of school before 2 weeks holiday.

Feeling very frustrated.

Your poor DS.
I broke my back in February and am only now starting to really feel myself. I was put on hospital bed rest for three weeks - and have been signed off work til the end of June!
And I have not long been able to stop heavy duty painkillers.
Obv he is young, and I'm an old bint, but really I think it's not fair on him to expect to be taking all this in his stride. It's a horrible injury that he could find as difficult to deal with emotionally as well as physically.
Let him come to terms with it.

Time to get tough. Really tough.

Explain to him again why he needs to do this. Try to explain why how he heals now will affect the rest of his life & that YOU are going to ensure he heals as well as he can, whether he likes it or not.

Set up a 'desk' the right height (I often use my wide window sill, but I'm a short arse). My friend works standing up a lot (she's very good posture etc, I'm not!) and she has a standing desk and it wasn't expensive.

His phone, tablet, laptop etc all stay there. End of. He can read or sleep when he needs to lie down.

He walks around the house or you will take him to walk around the block. He's bigger & heavier than you, but he's also currently at a disadvantage!

Can you book a tutor to come over a couple of times before the exam?
Either way, he had better be stood there learning what he needs to, before the Exam.

School bag. Try to work out some ways around him needing one or at the very least keeping it very light.

Getting to/from school. Ask the Dr. Cycling might be good exercise for him if it's not too far, if it is then can you find a friend to take him with their kids? If not, it'll have to be a taxi.

You need to get onto physio, but he will get lots of at home exercises to do, so he can do those on holiday.

Embarrassed? He's being daft. He broke his back, doing something cool, was airlifted etc. He'll be 'a hero' more than 'an idiot' at school.

He's a teenager somits hard to say if he's just being a PITA or is depressed, or scared...it doesn't matter at this stage, he just needs you to MAKE him do what he can't make himself do.

Cruel to be kind I'm afraid. Being a parent is hard sometimes. 💐

Really not easy I know, but if you possibly can, work hard on calming yourself down and projecting being relaxed about all this. He must be angry and shocked and freaked out, and even if he's sixteen he's still going to be picking straight up that his mum is worried sick and feeling your stress too. If Mum is worried then there obviously is something to really worry about, and he's going to want to hide from it. Do some first aid on yourself. Have a bath, make yourself something nice that you want to eat, see if you can get yourself feeling calmer, and if you notice it calms him. I know you must be pretty shocked and shaken up yourself seeing him airlifted like that.

It's really good that he's getting up to come and eat - you do have at least one way to get him mobile. How about planning a few small treats in between meals for a couple of days that might tempt him into making the walk a few extra times. That would be a way to get him up and going - with motivation - without you having to say 'get up, you NEED to do x y and z'. Mcds, favourite coffees, pancakes, hot chocolate, you'll know what he likes and I'll bet he could use the comfort. Any mates of his that might drop round in the next couple of days so he might want to mooch around the garden with them or prop on a stool for a bit to play a computer game?

Try not to panic. At 16 he probably feels like the world's ended, he looks a twit and the next few weeks are looking like hell. Any accident that massively changes your mobility is a hell of a shock and I can well understand his first impulse is to shut down and hide from it.

Haven't read the full thread but I'm an OT a perch stool could be more comfortable to bridge the gap between lying and sitting. The hospital he was admitted to might loan you one, or local Red Cross medical loans

here

he needs to move.

moving is the ONLY thing that will stop the whole group of supportive muscles from atrophying.

not moving means more pain

intensive physiotherapy for muscle atrophy is not fun!! and more time will be needed recovering.

I would cancel my holiday too.

I broke my neck eventing in my late 20s. C2, broke but didn't move. I went back to work the day after I left hospital wearing a steel cage thing, central London, I just travelled out of rush hour. Just to demonstrate that him being fit for school is possible.

He is probably traumatised by the whole thing, scared, embarrassed about how he thinks he looks with the worry of the exam on top.

Can you ask for an extension on the exam, being fit to take it is one thing, having something like this happen in the week before is another. I would take every bit of stress away from him I could.

And, if he has to do a year again, so what, it might seem like a big deal now but it won't when he is 25 or 30, no one will care that he was a year late at 16 because he had broken his back.

Are you in France? Normally you can get the kiné to come to your house for appointments. Plus, if you are salarié I wouldn't worry about having to have a bit more time off work, no one else seems to care about that here!

A girl I went to school with broke her back playing football minimum six week recovery time I wouldn't give a stuff about the test if he went to school and turned a wrong way he could do permanent damage to his back and spine or if the disc/vertebrae moved he could puncture a lung sign him off school and let him repeat the year

I can't believe people are flapping about school wth a broken back
I was in my 30s and very fit when it happened to me, my people were worried about me.

He's 16 and he is possibly still growing. In fact now I think if it that might be why he has the brace and I didn't.

His physical recovery is important. Four days out of hospital, I would have thought lying around is the right thing to do. He has to stand to get up and go to the loo etc, this may be enough.

If the only medical advice given was the amount stated in the .op, you need to get more!

When I did mine I stayed in bed for 2 weeks (minus toilet and shower visits).
Yes your muscles do waste a bit but I recovered.
It was bloody painful to do anything other than lie down and the drugs knock you out too. I suspect he's in a lot of pain and he can't manage much more. I was off work for 6 weeks

Tbh I assumed the doctor would say we couldn't go on holiday, so I was surprised he said we could, but now I'm concerned about his missed physio appointments. I don't think he thought it through. I asked ds, and he said he wanted to go, and didn't think it was fair I miss the holiday. I don't care if I miss it, so simmering if he's only saying to go cos he feels guilty.

I'll speak on Monday to orthopedics and see what he says. Luckily I'm not at work then, so can spend all the time I need sorting him out. I have 4 DC, so maybe I'll be able to have more time off? The poor dog is sick too, could do without her pulling up everywhere!

He has wandered round the front room a bit.

Both I and deputy had have said he can just go home if he is to uncomfortable /in pain.

If I can't get a Perch still hownow, do you think the ironing still is a good alternative?
www.amazon.de/gp/aw/d/B000VJE5SI/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495890650&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=Ironing+stool&dpPl=1&dpID=31hdd98U-SL&ref=plSrch

Not in France, in Germany. Never had to take time off work before, so don't really know how it works.

Find out. Employer has an obligation to inform you if you actually ask.

Well freaking ask!
It's starting to sound like you're not giving this much thought.
Your son has a major injury. Get plans in place for proper care and rehab. Probably get off MN and do what needs doing.

Wow calm down. I haven't asked cos I haven't needed to. My boss left me have a couple of days off, then it's been a bank holiday so everything has been shut. I'm mnetting in between trying to buy him a stool and some food. Can't do anything at all untill Monday when everything is open again. And I don't work m Monday so can spend the time I need sorting it all out.
But much yo add uggest in not giving this much thought.

I have spoken to the doctors, I have returned to the hospital when his back brace seemed to need adjusting, I am not sat on my arse doing nothing - I am on MN to ask for help as everything is shut.

But thanks. My son's long term health and recovery is my N1 priority

I definitely wouldn't go on holiday. Will be difficult for him to sit for the journey and just unsettling when he's not yet into a recovery routine at home.

Try and get friends round for v brief visits this week if he feels up to it- half an hour at first.

He will be very tired and in pain and shock. Nice food and drinks, music/ radio/ phone for company and distraction while lying down. Little visits from siblings/ pets to break the monotomy. May need to break up the night by getting up and moving and having a hot drink etc at intervals. Painkillers regularly, no toughing it out.

He will feel differently in even another week. But be prepared for different feelings and challenges at different points. I was told I'd continue to improve for 2 years which seemed impossible at the time but has proved very true. Physically and mentally. He has had a major injury.

Maximum of 25 days per year (per parent, I think) with 3+ kids. You can get more days off but it's unpaid. However your employer may offer more. I can never remember what it's called, but you just say to the doctor "I need the Krankmeldung for my child's sickness so that I can take time off work." and they will know what you need. Ask them to explain what each bit is for. You normally get two or three copies. One for your employer, one for your own records (sometimes you don't get this one) and one which needs to be posted or submitted online to the health insurance ASAP.

Speak to the Orthopaedic, ask them about Krankmeldungen - IME specialists have loads of time and are happy to explain things to you in detail even obscure bits of "how the German healthcare system works".

Slim I doubt OP can do much today TBH, doctors (aside from emergencies obv) don't tend to work on a Saturday.

I reckon I would cancel the holiday and seek physio ASAP. Though you may find they are all booked up until after the holiday anyway, meaning no point missing it if you can't get an earlier appointment. Be prepared to ring 30+ to try and find one earlier (yes, I'm serious...) and/or be prepared to traipse around your local area and find one who just has an office with barely any advertising. Ask around local friends and family to see if they can recommend anybody. That's something you can do immediately.

Check your health insurance to see if they have a helpline running today. If you're lucky they will. You can get all sorts of extras if you ask about them - for example, things like home help, taxis for your son, retreats, very possibly a home tutor. I don't know which of these would be possible but it's likely that some of them would. Also, if you can't claim services like this via health insurance but you do have the money upfront, you can pay for them out of necessity, KEEP ALL RECEIPTS, and claim them back on your 2017 tax return.

There are lots of things you can claim in Germany but they will not openly explain them to you and it's very much expected that you'll ask. So ask. If language is an issue, see if you can get a friend to help out, but most people with a high level of education speak English well, and most health insurance companies will have at least one English speaking adviser available to speak to.

Another useful resource is toytown.com

Definitely don't go on holiday. If your DS is not supposed to be sitting, how on earth will he manage in an airline seat for 1.5 hours (or more like 2 when you factor in getting on and off the plane). What will you do if you get stuck on the runway for hours (like the BA planes today)? Use the 10 days to sort out physio, after that he'll have to take a taxi or organise at least one appointment for Mondays who you don't work.

Are you sure he will have to repeat the year if he doesn't take/do well in this one exam? I know about repeating years on the continent but this sounds brutal - surely every year there must be some children who are very ill/in a car accident/suffer the death of a parent on that one day? Do they all have to automatically repeat?

Hi - the perch stool seat is specifically set at an angle to put the hips into an anterior tilt and remove pressure off the spine.

With feet on the floor it's meant to be a better posture for back injuries.

The seat you linked to is flat, so it might not be different from an ordinary stool.

Only just realised you're not in the uk - apologies. The perch stool is a standard bit of kit. Looks like it's available on Amazon though, so shouldn't be too hard to get if you do want to purchase one

Its a shock and very 'life is finite'-ing.. and also the body will be working hard to heal, so that is where the lying down comes from, but I can categorically say, its bad for a back to be lying down too much. I made that mistake, not with a break, but with some lower back pain - and it took me three years of yoga and exercise and some osteopathic treatment to loosen up and get strength back in the right way. Backs are made to move.

Lying down isn't so bad if its on a floor and pelvis etc can be left in line - lying about in bed, reading screens etc in different back positions is bad, as it will settle hops back and pelvis into habits of imbalanced positions. lots of good posture walking etc is crucial I suspect.

Your ds has had a huge injury. to you, you must feel sick.
I would start by writing off the holiday AND the exam. Sorry, it's shit. If they happen, they're a bonus, but prepare for them not to and try to concentrate on poor ds well-being for now.
Agree with the ideas to smoke him out his cave with treats/food/DVDs/visitors etc.

He's agreed to come to our local lake/ Biergarten for burger and ice cream :) we normally cycle there but I'll treat him to chauffeur service.

That's great! Especially as I imagine he's feeling self-conscious too. Plenty of ice cream for the boy!

If he has to repeat a year, it isn't the end of the world, with an excuse like a broken back! It's an excellent reason.

Hope he enjoys the outing. It must have been very traumatic for you all, and may take him a while to come to terms with. I think your first doctor's laid back attitude is a bit unrealistic. It's a serious injury.