DS worried about me and DH dying

[dorade]

DS has been out of sorts recently and today we had a long chat he told me that he is worried about me and DH (me in particular) dying. I told him it would not be for a very long time, but that did not help - it seems that is worse because it means it will definitely happen.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can help him deal with this. It does seem to overshadow his ability to be happy at the moment.

How sad this is. I remember finding out about dearth and realising that some day I'd lose my parents when I was young. I distinctly remember crying and being really upset about it. My mum played it down and I remember her saying "I'm not going anywhere" and providing loads of reassurance and eventually, I accepted it. Try not to dwell on it, play it down and give lots of reassurance.

Thanks Ariel. Bumping for any other comments.

I do think all children go through this, particularly the thoughtful ones. It's a natural part of growing up.

My DS did this when he realised my own DD had died when I was young. I was honest but very reassuring in a simplistic way, saying it was very very rare and usually only happened when someone was very ill or quite old. Lots of hugs and reassurance about how safe we all were.

My dd is going through a patch of getting upset about me dying, she starts crying and we just sit and cuddle for s while. I've told her I went through the same thing when I was her age and that my parents are still around even now, a million years later.

I then usually distract her with something funny and she pops out of it again.

This happened to us some years ago at exactly the same moment of the year, shortly before Easter and it was scripture at school becoming a little bit too enthusiastic. I removed my son from scripture, problem solved and never did he have these worries again.

Try to find out how they are doing Easter at school.

My DS has struggled with this, we lost a very close friend of mine nearly 2 years ago and MIL last year. After my friend died, he did need a bit of extra support at school. Difficult, but I do the cuddles and distraction thing, also try to reassure as far as possible.

The educational psychologist at my sons school told me I should answer all my ds' questions about death and not avoid discussing it. I should read nice, age appropriate books about death to him. But I didn't find these things helped. The distraction technique seems to be working a bit better at the moment. Also, a minister described death to him as being like when a caterpillar changes into a butterfly. I think this helped a bit too. My ds seems to be looking for proof that there is heaven and we will all meet again one day. This seems to reassure him. So I bought a childrens book that mentions heaven.

It has made me feel really sad seeing my ds so upset.

thanks