overnight guest (dd's friend ) has anorexia-advice please

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dd is 14. her new best friend has anorexia. she's been very poorly and spent most of last year in hospital. she is much improved and now back at school regularly, but eating is obi still a major issue.

she is staying overnight this weekend for the second time (arranged v last minute by her mum).

last time she definitely 'pretended' that she'd eaten more than she had :(

my question is (and I'm not going to be able to speak to the mum in advance to ask advice but i could text) would it be even vaguely ok for me to say to this lovely girl...'emily, i need to be able to tell mummy that you ate something while you were here, otherwise i know she won't allow you to stay again and we would be really sad about that'.

advice with worried greatly appreciated, and so sorry of this would be a big no no to say anything.

but i was really worried by how little she ate in 24 hours last time she came and want to be prepared.

I think it's lovely you are so concerned. I agree with pp and that this is a long term condition for her and one thing she probably really needs is a friend she can go to without this extra pressure. Her ED is a long term ongoing problem and weather or not she eats at your house makes very little difference to her condition.

hi all. i've finally managed to get through to her mother and feel a bit more prepared now. thanks for your advice!

not sure if you're still after advice but if I were you I would try and limit it to what you would say to any other child - it's pretty normal if you're being looked after by a friend's parent(s) for them to make sure you've eaten, done your homework, slept etc. I think anything like "your mum won't let you stay over again unless you eat enough" might embarrass her by drawing attention to it or worse, make her too self-conscious to eat properly but it honestly depends on the individual - sometimes a bit of encouragement actually helps since it feels like they're being given permission to eat something again; in other instances all it does is remind them that the problem exists. I would just provide them with a variety of foods (not sure if the mother has specified but you could text her and ask if there are any that this girl has less difficulty eating and any to avoid) and maybe all eat dinner as a family so that you can supervise? Possibly also send your daughter off to do something and briefly talk to the friend alone to minimise embarrassment.

My niece was (is?) an anorexic. Whenever I see her, she eats a normal evening meal, but ate less during the day. My sister always warned us not to mention the disorder, so not to make it an issue.

I wouldn't mention the disorder, but leave it up to her, unless she has specific nutrient drinks she has to drink. Then make sure she has them, but don't force her. As others have said, one evening is not going to be significant, and it's not up to you to police her eating.