Toddler eating - in need of positive stories

[Isseyesque]

I am having major problems with Dd2 (2.5) eating habits. I have found this surprising as Dd1 (4.5) eats everything and in huge volume. We treated them the same.

Dd2 has never been a great eater, on weaning didn't ever take to whole pieces of food - esp fruit or veg. However I was always able to chop veg roughly into sauces/pasta/soup and she would eat it.

Over the last year she has preferred sloppy casserole food/pasta - unless it's plain chicken, toast, fish fingers, chips. Obviously she loves cake, biscuits, breakfast cereal, ice cream etc. She will eat purée fruit pouch things and smoothie but no fresh fruit.

I make things like: spag Bol, cottage and fish pie with mash, tomato sauces and cheese sauces for pasta, moroccan minced lamb, chicken korma - all with hidden veg in them. But it's quite a small range and I'm running out of ideas and it's v boring for DD1.

Until recently DD2 has eaten regularly satsuma, raisons, cucumber, melon, banana, baked beans. Now she has stopped eating all of those things except melon. She is currently refusing most meals apart from breakfast. I reckon she probably eats 1 meal (like those described) every 3-4 days. I am throwing a lot of food away and giving in and letting her eat plain pasta/ toast/ extra milk/ cereal (not in big quantities or between meals) I am following advice I have read online - no comment about it, no labelling as 'fussy', no pressure, no denying pudding, ignore etc. in the hope to make it a non issue. We do eat as a family frequently. I can't force her to eat it doesn't work.

I am loosing the plot.I know this is not unusual, but most mums I know with fussy eaters say that their children will eat peas, sweet corn, carrots, some fruits. DD2 refuses all of those foods.

I would really welcome advice of mums who have experienced this and come out the other side. I know that children will grow out of this - but typically when? I currently have this expectation that she will be like this until she's an adult and it's breaking my heart. I love to cook and we are a foodie family. I am finding it sole destroying and am concerned for her health. Very sad :-(

I will reply properly tomorrow but Ds was like this, it was horrific and I got so stressed. He is 7 now and a much better eater but it's been a slow process! It's been a natural one though - I don't think there's anything I've done or not done that's made any difference, I think some kids just aren't that into food . Having Dd (4) has reinforced this because she loves food.

Basically my advice would be to just ignore and whatever you do don't offer alternatives. What I used to do was have no snacks but have supper every night. I kind of felt like this gave him an option to eat before bedtime but it wasn't up at the table etc it was more relaxed and also gave me another chance to fill him up before bed without resorting to alternatives iyswim ? I basically used to put a plate on the coffee table and eat some myself and say suppers there if you want it, he'd often eat a wee bit and sometimes a lot. I offered it every day though regardless of whether he'd eaten dinner or not .

I offered things like banana, crackers, croissants, weetabjx biscuits, grapes, cheese, chopped pepper, rice cakes, dairy lea Dunkers, dry cereal, potato scones etc all on a plate (not everything every day obviously.)

Chuck out the crap so it's not in your house. So no ice cream, chips etc

306 thanks for your reply, it's very helpful and gives me hope that hopefully this won't be a problem into her teens.

We don't really have crap in the house apart from the occasional icecream on a hot day. I cook oven chips maybe once every 2 months if that. DD2 doesn't really hold out for treats/pudding - if she refuses her meal she gets down from the table and doesn't seem interested in eating anything. If offered she will eat sweet things. I can't not have any in the house, as Dd1 is an angel with food and it would be completely unfair not to allow her any. I am careful in that normally I give them to her when her sister isn't around. If they are both having lunch, and dd2 is refusing, dd1 gets fruit, which she loves, and dd2 won't eat that.

I have read 'experts' saying you shouldn't deny difficult eaters pudding - as then the start to associate all savoury food as bad and pudding as good - perpetuates the problem. But who knows whether the 'experts' have actually had a fussy eater of their own! I sometimes wonder with these supposedly child development experts - ha ha

I had a super difficult toddler. At 4 he is much better. For me, it took realising that it was my problem, not his. That he did eat fine if I gave him what he was prepared to eat. And though the range was very limited, it was nutritionally balanced and easy to prepare. So I've stuck to that. I don't invest time or energy or emotions into preparing meals, beyond the sure fire favourites. However, I do modify the favourites to make them gradually more adult / more nutritious. So I have gone from having to purée bolognese and use orzo pasta (because of the texture) to now being able to not purée at all and give normal pasta shapes, with stages along the way. When I cook for DH and me, I leave some aside for him to taste, but without the pressure of it being the whole meal. The rule of new food is that he must put it in his mouth, chew and swallow one mouthful. But beyond that he doesn't have to eat it.

I offer no alternatives. No snacks. Pudding is fruit and plain Greek yoghurt and I give it with the meal. So they can eat it first or at the same time as the main. It's not exciting enough to put them off the main, but is healthy enough to be considered part of the main.

I wouldn't say things are perfect, and ds2 is starting toddler type food histrionics, but I'm dealing with them differently, and I'm less stressed, which had got to be good.

My dd ate fantastically until about 2 when she pretty much stopped. I think she lost interest in meals and started just taking enough to satisfy hunger and then on with the next far more exciting activity.

A lovely health visitor told me that at this age it is more important to look at what they eat over a week than a day. As long as she was alert and healthy and I was happy that she was eating a range of food over the week not to worry.

She is still a very discerning eater and I still Have to look at what she eats over a week. However she is fit, sporty, healthy, happy not too skinny and will always try new foods (although we rarely get a yes for them).

Btw she is 8 nowand lovely.

Bonzo what was the limited range of food he ate when he was 2.5? What were his favourites? I worry about the lack of fresh veg/ fruit. Maybe twice a week dd2 will eat casserole/meat sauce, or maybe soup, but all the veggies are cooked to death and pulped!

Chilli thanks for the over the week advice. Dd2 ate really badly when we were away for 4 days and has not eaten well since we got back on tues. I think I am stressing as it is suddenly so bad and she stopped eating those few fresh things she was eating before. She is also being a pain about her dummy. Before she knew it was dummy at bedtime and leave it in up the bed. Now she wants it all the time and has full blown hysterics for hours if I don't let her have it. She also has a chesty cough which isn't helping. Argh..... Toddler hell