8 year old with possible special needs

[gilmoregirl]

Hello

DS is eight and up until this school year (yr3) he seemed to be developing and behaving fairly "normally" (if that is the right way to explain it), then this year he had a lot of problems at school and after a particularly unpleasant parents evening has beef referred to child community health and educational psychologist etc.

Things are moving very slowly which is frustrating as his behaviour / development seems so much worse now. Not sure if it is because I am now looking out for it but I am really struggling with him. The following are typical:

Constant clingy ness to the point that he is hanging off me all the time, asking for cuddles etc

Refusal to do things independently such as get dressed

Very babyish talking using baby voice etc

Tantrum type behaviour if I mention we are doing something he doesn't like such as shopping

Refusal to do things such as activities, he refused to go to cubs, moans about football, he won't join any new activities.

On top of this he has recently wet his pants a couple of times after being v easy to potty train six years ago.

Where can I go to get some support so I know how to best deal with him as love him and just want to do what is best for him but finding it exhausting.

Sorry I forgot to mention that so far I have been told that he has hyper mobility, low muscle tone, neurological immaturity and need occupational therapy (but there is a six month waiting list) and speech and language therapy. I did a Connors questionnaire for him(checking if school has submitted theirs yet) but at the moment have nothing formal in place and feel lost and alone.

If all this is true, did no one have any idea until now - age 8? It seems very odd to me that these disabilities have suddenly become obvious when you describe him as developing 'fairly normally' up to now.

I think I'd want a thorough health check first to see if there could be any other explanation for the sudden onset of such a range of symptoms. Or has he had most of them all along and no one has commented before?

I'm sorry you're going through this - it sounds extremely distressing.

I'm slightly further ahead than you; weve just got a diagnosis of ADHD and are waiting for the diagnostic panel to see whether ds has ASD. It's taken years.

Everything takes ages but it will happen. Is there a SENCO at school that can help you? I got things going properly by going to the GP who referred ds to the community paediatrician, maybe you could do this too. I also found a local SEN support group to be fantastic so it's worth seeing whether there might be one near you.

It's not easy but you will get there

Thank you both. He has been to the community paediatrician who mentioned the hyper mobility, neurological immaturity and low muscle tone. Until this appointment in February nothing was ever mentioned.

It transpires that he was in a motor skills support group at school last year but I was not made aware of this until now. Will see if there is a senco group. Would the school or GP know about this?

In terms of his development up to now he was pretty slow at certain things, for example it took him years to learn to swim and he does not progress with his peers, and he is not at all confident at riding a bike, plus his hand writing is v poor so now it has been drawn to my attention that he needs Extra support I am much more aware of things he struggles with.

One thing the teacher said was that he is very young and that really sums him up, compared to other children his age he seems physically and mentally younger.

My son sounds very similar to yours. He has always had trouble writing and was diagnosed with hypermobility at the end of yr 1. We saw community paed then who made no further diagnosis. He had a great year 2 but year 3 has been problem after problem. Currently awaiting ed psych I think he is probably dyspraxic. hoping for a more empathetic teacher next year but really dreading the future.

Hi Meeliesmum thank you for your message.

DS has not had a good experience with his teacher this year so I too am hoping for a better one next year. Is so hard.

I think DS is probably dyspraxic from what I have read. He is really down and last night told me that he didn't like that he was different from everyone else. I don't know how to help him : (

Are you certain he isn't being bullied? He sounds as though he is getting overwhelmed and is unhappy at school, and wants to return to the safer smaller place of being a very young child. Perhaps he has been teased about not being able to keep up physically with his classmates?

I have two children with very poor handwriting, one turned out to be dyspraxic (only diagnosed at 13) after years of fidgeting and some social communication issues, rude outbursts to other children, the other is ASD, only diagnosed at 8, due to difficulties in the playground, violent meltdowns when upset or thwarted, and stimming. Neither one was clingy or demanding in the way you describe, but possibly they had a rich "sensory diet" (google) which got them through the day and made them present as slightly more confident. I would say they both seemed very enthusiastic even when they were bad at a lot of things (for example team sports) As long as an adult was supervising or encouraging them. They both did lots of wrestling with each other, lots of walking, chatting, football with their Dad, climbing, listening to loads of music, sang a lot, read a lot (even if in ds2's case it was just looking rather than reading properly) Ds2 (ASD) had lots of toileting problems due to hanging on too long and not realising he needed to go, despite potty training at the usual time. We are now past that, he was fine by 10/11, but it is a classic issue of not recognising sensations, of being hyposensitive (ie needing deep pressure to feel things), which is an aspect of ASD as well as being hypersensitive - flinching at smallest touch, hating haircuts, some noises, smells, textures.
Going back to the handwriting, I wish I had known about Write from the Start which is programme of handwriting exercises, starting with just squiggles. I tried it too late to really benefit ds2. Also I wish I had done more clay, and more swimming, and more prioceptive activities (read Out of Sync Child has Fun which is full of ideas for everyday ways to help children who struggle with sensory feedback. For example yesterday we asked ds2 to mow the lawn with the handmower, he loved it. He loves being sat on or hugged. He likes carrying a heavy knapsack. Even I as an adult like carrying bags back from supermarket, it regulates me. That is prioception. It sets you up for the day. Swimming and washing up give the same satisfaction to both my sons. It is basically waterplay. Ds2 can be calmed down just by giving him a long bath in the afternoon with plenty of toys to fiddle with.

When the teacher said he is young for his age, they are not really expressing what the reasons are, which is developmentally he is exhibiting signs of needing sensory/emotional feedback that a much younger child might experience in their daily life/activities. Maturity is in part the confidence that comes from knowing one can use your body to do certain things and it will work, so I think when a child feels it cannot do a lot of physical stuff, it inevitably feels more dependent and less confident emotionally.

Hope this helps a bit, try the SN board too.

My ASD son hated CUBs although they were very inclusive there. The dyspraxic one loved all institutional activities. Both only enjoyed football in teams when they were older (9 onwards) and when there was a lot of practising rather than proper competition (which led to tears)

I think you have to be very patient with your child. Not tell him to buck up and try harder and be more grownup. He's reverting to an infantile state because he feels more and more backed into a corner by the demands of everyone around him, especially in school. Sometimes in those situations where you lack control, you want to control those around you, such as the refusing to get dressed (which is in part due to not wanting to be ticked off for being slow, or untidy or incompetent) break activities into small explicit tasks rather than use phrases like come on get dressed. When you shop (if you shop) keep it short and give him a job to do there, like find something for you.

The good news is that you can do a lot of helping yourself, even if the wait for OT ED pysch is long. You can give school ideas about how to best encourage him. It is worth reading as much as you can, and lurking on the SN boards if necessary. Often when you do see a professional they will know as much as you, because you will begin to build up a picture of your child and what makes him tick.
I can think of three brilliant books off the top of my head. How To Talk So Children Listen by Faber and Mazlish. The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Out of Sync Child. Also Atwood book on Asperger's although I found that very hard going. By the time you've read those you will probably have a lot of new responses to your child's issues.

Hi again

Thank you so much for your comments. I find them really helpful as I feel totally alone and out of my depth.

DS seems so down at the moment I just want to wrap him up and protect him but instead I need to focus on helping him become independent so he can cope.

Am at work just now but will come back and read the comments in more detail later.

Thanks again. I really appreciate it.

I found my local support group by chance; but it's been invaluable in helping me feel empowered rather than isolated. I'm starting to feel like I can be an advocate for ds1, rather than having to apologise for his behaviour. The school SENCO may know about any local ones, I'm not sure where else you could find out, other than asking on the Mumsnet SN boards.

keep calling everyone back for cancellation appointments.

take a video of him now doing various things - so you can compare in three months time. if he is actually losing skills you need to make sure paediatrician knows and get referral to a neurologist.

if it is just that his issues becoming more apparent as he is getting older then that points more towards something like dyspraxia etc. the main thing is tog et school to agree an Individual education plan IEP with you to focus on a few key areas and work on those, review each term.

keep a diary of his behaviour, wetting etc.

Thanks for the helpful tips.

cestlavie I just read your post now and is funny as ai phoned speech and language therapy on Monday to chase up referral and got a call yesterday with a cancellation for today so DS was seen by the loveliest lady this morning who really reassured me.

I also contacted the head teacher to find out hie things were going after the planning meeting and then again today DS had an appointment with the educational psychologist. So he has been thoroughly seen today!!

It looks like I just have to be very persist ant to get things going.

I feel so much better after the appointment today. The language therist was so great and so kind and encouraging with DS, he blossomed in her company as she was explaining tasks and praising him (which sadly does not seem to be his experience at school)

It does seem to be pointing towards dyspraxia as motor skills are poor

You will find a lot of support and advice on the special needs children board on mumsnet. I would suggest you come over and post there too.